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Gears of Whores is a real thing and is utterly dismaying

4:40 PM on 02.18.2010 // Jim Sterling

"Finally, porn for the XXX-treme gamer in you!" Not my words, but the words of GearsOfWhores.com, a new Web site dedicated to gamer porn. Of course, by gamer porn I mean, "low budget porn stars doing their normal sex but wearing headsets while they take one up the arse."

For a nice example of the kind of gamer this site is appealing to, look no further than the first featured video, starring Roxxxy Lee. That's too many XXX's in one name, but regardless, here's what Ms. Lee has to say about her recent gaming session: 

OK,BUNNYBR3ADSLAYER{SOX} IS TALKING TRASH AGAIN WITH HIS "WALL BOUNCING ASS",AND TELLS ME I'M NO MATCH FOR HIS SHOT GUN,AGAINST MY LANCER ON GRID IN A 1V1-ALPHA V BRAVO, SO OF COURSE I PROVED HIM WRONG,WHEN SUDDENLY MY GIRL ROXXXY LEE CUMS IN ,AND START TO DISTRACT ME WITH ALL HER PHAT A** GEARS,I'M TRYING TO GET MY PRACTICE IN WHEN SHE PULLS OUT MY LONG SHOT, AND BEGINS TO SUCK THE SH*T OUT OF IT, SO BUNNYBR3ADSLAYER TRYS TO GET IN THE ACTION TELLING ROXXXY LEE WHAT HE WOULD DO TO HER,WHILE I FUCKING HER,AND PLAYING AGAINST BUNNY{SOX}THEN WE HEAR HIM BUSTING A NUTT FROM ALL THE SEX,AND BIG ASS SLAPPING ,HE SOUNDED LIKE A B*TCH IN HEAT,...LOL,ANYWAYS I BUSTED A NUT IN HER MOUTH WITH MY LONGSHOT,WHILE BUNY{SOX} WENT TO SLEEP,...WHAT A WH*RE....

That's basically all you need to know. A comical man in a Gears of War T-shirt has lots of sex with females of dubious attraction and even more questionable skill with a controller. If that's not what our ancestors fought and died for, then I don't know what to believe in anymore.


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Jim Sterling // Former Reviews Editor
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Destructoid reviews editor, responsible for running and maintaining the cutting edge videogame critique that people ignore because all they want to see are the scores at the end. Also a regular f... full profile | More staff profiles

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