With TGS looming and a bunch of extra-curricular assignments keeping me busy, I've not been around much this weekend, so I'm a little behind. However, I really don't know quite how I missed Gamer Grub, a snack that claims to be engineered by a "sometimes gamer" for people like us. Well, not people like us per se. Gullible people like us. That's better.
Gamer Grub is a great tasting snack that boosts your core gaming systems—such as visual input, cognitive processing, signal transmission and muscle reflexes. Scientifically formulated with essential nutrients and vitamins, Gamer Grub provides a healthy, great tasting snack mix that supports fast reaction times for maximum gaming performance. Eat well and prosper.
If you're a regular reader of Penny Arcade, then you will likely have already seen their reaction to this rather cringeworthy bit of demographic headhunting, but I feel we need to immortalize this so-called "grub" in our own archives. In trying to make the snacks somehow relevant to gamers, the flavors are awkward mash-ups of videogame genres and contemporary foodstuffs. Because the term "Strategy Chocolate" somehow makes sense when you're throwing random words around in a board room.
Maybe I expect too much of my snacks, but I want something more robust than "Action Pizza" and "Sports PB&J." One could argue that it's pedantic to demand some kind of grounded reasoning in the naming of food -- I would argue that calling your snack "Racing Wasabi" should have you put on some sort of offender's register.
If I'm going to be patronized, I want to be patronized sensibly. And yes, that blurb I posted did say "Eat well and prosper."
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21 comments + 95764 views
Cartman loves weight gain 3,000. It gives big muscles.
Gamer drinks are fine (in some weird way) but a food specifically targeted at gamers? FISSION MAILED.
heh 'Action Pizza' That would be a great name for band.
Strategy Chocolate... that sound like a boss name from Metal Gear Solid.
Sports PB&J? That's a sport I can participate in.
So apparently, this stuff
"oosts your core gaming systems—such as visual input, cognitive processing, signal transmission and muscle reflexes"
Yeah..... we already have something like that. It's called Coffee. I wonder if the manufacturers have ever heard of it?
my mind says its a gimmick, placebo, but my heart says do want!
When I first saw the Action Pizza can I made the mistake of trying to conjure up the taste of pizza in a can.
Do. Not. Try. That.
all I can say is I'm intrigued. I don't remember any failed diet snacks that were pizza flavored, so it must be a fresh idea that made it through the woodwork.
I might have to sample them, just to see what they're like.
This is why they hate us. Indeed
Oh god.
OH GOD.
I TRIED TO IMAGINE THE TASTE OF PIZZA IN A CAN!
WHY OH WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN TO VITAMIN AWESOME!?!
I CAN'T UN-TASTE IT!
But no, seriously, i have the random taste of V8 in my mouth, so every second I continue to live is sheer agony.
What.
are they any good? or cheap? cause to me those flavors sound awful...
Gee, because what hardcore gamers need more of is sugar and caffeine when their blood pressure and pulse are through the roof playing videogames, right?
One day someone's going to have an heart attack or stroke playing videogames while eating some of this stuff and drinking their "Gamer's Cola."
Everybody STOP imagining the taste of pizza in a can! There is NO going back!
@Jim Sterling
How about a bottle? It might taste better that way. Man, I need to patton that.
Oh God a bottle's worse! I'm imagining the bottle being squeezed to get it to squirt out.
Is it some sort of paste?
Gamer fuel sandwiches FTW
Darkair, Weight gain 3000 was the shit.
I wanna see a mega64 video response to this, NOW.
Whatever the case, this shit is probably going be made in China, which means I'm not going to be buying or eating it, and neither should anyone else for that matter.
Wait, am I to understand this is not in a form conducive to being hooked up to an intravenous machine, because then it would be worthy of being gamer sustenance.
FAIL.
This is a terrible idea. Sounds disgusting.
I wonder what poor marketing bastard sold his soul for this one.
Racing wasabi? Isn't wasabi hot as hell? How is that refreshing?
This reminds me of THE GREATEST COMMERCIAL EVER MADE:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs
400 BABIES
SO ENERGETIC
TURBOPUNS
KENYANS
Sadly this reminds me of a company I used to do marketing for. They would seriously force me to make the most pandering advertisements you can possibly imagine...
If it increases my "signal transmission" then I can be sitting downstairs while the console is upstairs and still play. No?
I blame Mountain Dew Code Red for this. I really do.
Yet another reason I dislike the term "gamer". It leads to lame shit like this.
Oh for the love of all that's videogame related!
Seriously this is just dumb marketing,I swear it sometimes fell like some people are just trying to alienate gamers and make them feel like outsiders that can't even eat the same food as the rest of the world.
Somebody shoot whoever came up with this idea
@bluemeep:
I thought that Code Red was more to introduce a cherry-flavored Dew, but not geared at anyone in particular. Mountain Dew's "Game Fuel" which was released for Halo 3 is probably the bitch that started all of this.
Apparently, this company thinks that all gamers are teens who are more apt to fall for the marketing crap.
FAIL.
I tried some at EforAll, it's the worst thing ever.
QUICKLY, GET THE STRATEGY CHOCOLATE!!
By the way guys, this stuff is basically just like different types of party mix (trail mix, chex mix etc.) with like nuts and chips and such. This is NOT a liquid goo of some sort.
Andyway, if it tastes good then I don't care if they named all of their products after failed Mega Man X characters.
I actually want to try these. The nutrition facts show it isn't too bad for you.
I guess this is all well and stuff , but I am going to the kitchen to get some food. My gamer food which is some chips.
Shit, the pizza and wasabi ones actually sound good.
screw this, drink powerthirst instead... strategy chocolate has nothing on shockolate.. it's like adding chocolate to an electrical storm!!
My thoughts exactly.
WANT STRAWBERRY? HOW ABOUT RAWBERRY?! MADE WITH LIGHTNING! REAL LIGHTNING!
AN ENERGY DRING FOR MEN! MENERGY!!!!!!1
In no way should this crap ever be confused with Game Grub...when G4 was truely G4.
As cheesy as it was, it's still better than this fail.
Are they selling steroids as food now? For any of the claims to be true it would have to be little more than a mix of cocaine and steroids. Gotta love legal loopholes that allow people to say that eating nachos cures cancer so long as no one can prove that it doesn't and would never do so.
This sounds horrible. I hate shit marketing like this. "Let's throw some hot/caffeinated/sugary stuff in a tube/bottle, put 'game' or 'gamer' in the title, and sell them to nerds and frat boys!" Yes, well, eat me.
I do love "Action Pizza" and, more importantly, "Strategy Chocolate." Best band name ever.
This should have been called either "Gamer Feed" or "Gamer Chow."
And hey Jim, thanks for ruining pizza for me.
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW
I WANT GAMER GRUB
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW
And nobody thought Mountain Dew's Halo 3-branded Gamer Fuel or whatever it was called was a bad idea?
Super RPG Taffey, it takes an average of 40 hours to consume!
but also watch for Ultimate Nippon Ichi SRPG Taffey, IT JUST NEVER ENDS!
I work for a UK computer components retailer ( which I shant name, so you don't think this is just some spam-vertisment ) who also sell Jolt, Monster and Mountain Dew...and my boss saw this GamerGrub and is intent on stocking some.
He makes me weep sometimes.
It's got what gamers crave!
@John B: True, but Code Red was more or less heralded as a drink for the geek crowd. Why everybody apparently thought that, I have no idea, but the notion of dorkfüd seems to have caught on.
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