With TGS looming and a bunch of extra-curricular assignments keeping me busy, I've not been around much this weekend, so I'm a little behind. However, I really don't know quite how I missed Gamer Grub, a snack that claims to be engineered by a "sometimes gamer" for people like us. Well, not people like us per se. Gullible people like us. That's better.
Gamer Grub is a great tasting snack that boosts your core gaming systems—such as visual input, cognitive processing, signal transmission and muscle reflexes. Scientifically formulated with essential nutrients and vitamins, Gamer Grub provides a healthy, great tasting snack mix that supports fast reaction times for maximum gaming performance. Eat well and prosper.
If you're a regular reader of Penny Arcade, then you will likely have already seen their reaction to this rather cringeworthy bit of demographic headhunting, but I feel we need to immortalize this so-called "grub" in our own archives. In trying to make the snacks somehow relevant to gamers, the flavors are awkward mash-ups of videogame genres and contemporary foodstuffs. Because the term "Strategy Chocolate" somehow makes sense when you're throwing random words around in a board room.
Maybe I expect too much of my snacks, but I want something more robust than "Action Pizza" and "Sports PB&J." One could argue that it's pedantic to demand some kind of grounded reasoning in the naming of food -- I would argue that calling your snack "Racing Wasabi" should have you put on some sort of offender's register.
If I'm going to be patronized, I want to be patronized sensibly. And yes, that blurb I posted did say "Eat well and prosper."
Jim Sterling serves as reviews editor for Destructoid.com, head of the Podtoid podcast, and produces a number of news stories, original features, one-of-a-kind videos. With his passionate argumentative style, controversial opinions, harsh delivery, and dedication to brutal honesty Sterling is a name that you can't help but recognize.
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Contest:
5:13 AM on 10.05.2008
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"oosts your core gaming systems—such as visual input, cognitive processing, signal transmission and muscle reflexes"
Yeah..... we already have something like that. It's called Coffee. I wonder if the manufacturers have ever heard of it?
Do. Not. Try. That.
I might have to sample them, just to see what they're like.
OH GOD.
I TRIED TO IMAGINE THE TASTE OF PIZZA IN A CAN!
WHY OH WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN TO VITAMIN AWESOME!?!
I CAN'T UN-TASTE IT!
But no, seriously, i have the random taste of V8 in my mouth, so every second I continue to live is sheer agony.
One day someone's going to have an heart attack or stroke playing videogames while eating some of this stuff and drinking their "Gamer's Cola."
How about a bottle? It might taste better that way. Man, I need to patton that.
Gamer fuel sandwiches FTW
I wanna see a mega64 video response to this, NOW.
FAIL.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs
400 BABIES
SO ENERGETIC
TURBOPUNS
KENYANS
Seriously this is just dumb marketing,I swear it sometimes fell like some people are just trying to alienate gamers and make them feel like outsiders that can't even eat the same food as the rest of the world.
Somebody shoot whoever came up with this idea
I thought that Code Red was more to introduce a cherry-flavored Dew, but not geared at anyone in particular. Mountain Dew's "Game Fuel" which was released for Halo 3 is probably the bitch that started all of this.
Apparently, this company thinks that all gamers are teens who are more apt to fall for the marketing crap.
FAIL.
Andyway, if it tastes good then I don't care if they named all of their products after failed Mega Man X characters.
AN ENERGY DRING FOR MEN! MENERGY!!!!!!1
As cheesy as it was, it's still better than this fail.
I do love "Action Pizza" and, more importantly, "Strategy Chocolate." Best band name ever.
And hey Jim, thanks for ruining pizza for me.
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW
I WANT GAMER GRUB
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW
but also watch for Ultimate Nippon Ichi SRPG Taffey, IT JUST NEVER ENDS!
He makes me weep sometimes.