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Game endorsements we never want to see photo

"Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money from the movie is made. Spaceballs: The T-shirt, Spaceballs: The Coloring Book, Spaceballs: The Lunch Box, Spaceballs: the Breakfast Cereal, Spaceballs: the Flame Thrower.” – Yogurt. 

I have to agree with that famous movie quote from Spaceballs: The Movie. Merchandising is where the money is made, but how far is too far when it comes to attaching a name to a product? Some people think that there are some products that shouldn't bear the name of their favorite video game series or mascot. 

What do you think? Could you love a video game franchise so much that you would buy anything with its name attached to it? 

Well if you are willing to buy any of the next 10 fake products, then allow me to bestow upon you the title of ultimate fan boy and ask that you back at least 10 paces away from my person. Thank you and enjoy our list of 10 products you never want to see endorsed by your favorite video game series or characters. 

Warning: some of the following products could be seen as obscene and maybe of the scary feminine product type.

[Thanks to Dtoid reader, Domataos for the photos!] 

1. Sonic the Hedgehog Exlax: For when you really need to go fast.

2. BloodRayne Tampons: For when there’s too much blood.

3. Spartan Condoms: Makes you bang like the God of War.

4. Mega Man Viagra: So you too can pew, pew, pew!

5. Princess Peach Birth Control: Works even against reptiles.

6. Bomberman Imodium: Prevention against bombs in your pants.

7. World of Warcraft Diapers: For when getting up during a raid isn’t an option.

8. Mario Bros. Liquid Drain Cleaner: We can get anything out of your pipes, even Goombas.

9. Anti-Toad Brand Canesten: Kills the fungus. Dead.

10. Honey BBQ Chocobo Wings: Sword slaughtered freshness from our factory to your table.


Continue: More Industry Bullshit stories





prev next 50 comments

51 comments | showing # 1 to 50

jimjo's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 13:09
jimjo
Abacus?
ShinAmano's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 13:10
ShinAmano
I would buy the Mario Draino for novelty alone...the others...scary.
Mxyzptlk's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 13:12
Mxyzptlk
I could go for some Chocobo wings right now.
DJDuffy 's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 13:18
DJDuffy
I have to say...thats probably the cutest birth control I've ever seen, am I crazy to want it?
Aurikill's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 13:29
Aurikill
Did you notice that Luigi is seriously smelling his own finger?
Just think, as a plumber, the variety of substances he have the opportunity to touch... Eww.
Faith's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 13:39
Faith
Dtoid exclusive, baby! Domataos did the pretty pictures for me.
fromagex's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 13:43
fromagex
the only one of those that looks like its real is the birth control...the rest of those shops are pretty bad. the birth control looks ready to purchase
ekoala2002's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 13:45
ekoala2002
Awesome Pics...I would get the Chocobo wings, just for the novelty...and maybe lunch.
Faith's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 13:48
Faith
@ Fromagex: The shops look great! Domataos worked hard for me and I appreciate the pics.
Kia's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 14:03
Kia
fromagex: You don't know what you're talking about. The shops are all very well done!
Ambulance-Y's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 14:04
Ambulance-Y
the bloodrayne tampons and mega man viagra are priceless. you too can pew pew pew
fromagex's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 14:44
fromagex
i has assumed they were done poorly on purpose...not insulting someones shopping ability.
BluDesign's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 15:02
BluDesign
@fromage

Same thing I tell anyone who's critical of photoshopping...

Provide your own "better" example.

And in cases like these, especially on this site, no one's looking for photo realistic or authentic. If the joke works, it works. I can't imagine what those 7 hour raid pampers must smell like when they're brand new. After all, they're going onto someone who is WILLING to sit for 7 hours already.
galagabug 's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 15:13
galagabug
hahaha. if you're gonna quote the greatest movie of all time, you better follow it up with the funny. good thing you did!
shipero's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 15:22
shipero
The Bomberman one would make more sense as a laxative.
Namelessted's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 15:47
Namelessted
If i was a chick, i would totally buy Princess Peach birth control.
Faith's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 16:20
Faith
I would too - is that wrong?
domataos's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 16:27
domataos
^_^ I made those lawl
Faith's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 16:37
Faith
And I love you for it!!!
Tempus's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 16:37
Tempus
Chocobo BBQ wings ftw. Breakfast of RPG Champions.
brad drac's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 16:49
brad drac
Good 'shops, domataos(and I suppose concepts faith). I laughed.

Interestingly(to me, fuck the rest of ye), george lucas' fortunes are based squarely on merchandising. While negotiating a deal for star wars, he agreed to give up certain junk so that he would maintain merchandising rights. Suffice to say, this was a smart move.
spameggspam's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 16:52
spameggspam
ahahahahahhaha holy sh*t thats f*ckin great

goood post made me laugh
snotrocket's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 17:37
snotrocket
The birth control looks awesome. The quote is hilarious.
Oni's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 17:48
Oni
@Namelessted: I want to buy them and I'm not a chick. Does that make me wrong?
Namelessted's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 18:21
Namelessted
what happens if guys start taking birth control pills?
thunderleg's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 18:35
thunderleg
If they were real Chocobo wings, I'd have them every Tuesday, especially if they were Black Chocobo wings.
domataos's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 19:03
domataos
@nameless ted

They grow tits
Necros's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 22:24
Necros
The Bomberman one was a missed opportunity to reference one of the poison power-ups, diarrhea, which makes you drop all your bombs as soon as you can, over and over again. Otherwise, funny!
Dyson's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/17/2007 23:59
Dyson
This is hilarious. Great job Faith!
UNDERSTAR's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2007 00:39
UNDERSTAR
Honey BBQ Chocobo Wings!!! I wonder how they taste like, really!
Lord_Satorious's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2007 01:10
Lord_Satorious
Chocobo wings? Sold.
Paul Soth's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2007 02:04
Paul Soth
Yes I must know what chocobo tastes like. Hell, I'm already curious as to what ostrich tastes like.
Paul Soth's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2007 02:06
Paul Soth
Ah, the good Wikipedia says: Ostrich meat tastes similar to lean beef and is low in fat and cholesterol, as well as high in calcium, protein and iron.

I'm sold.
Mxyzptlk's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2007 07:47
Mxyzptlk
I've had emu before, that's pretty much want it tastes like.
Virtualgirl's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2007 09:59
Virtualgirl
Yeah, i would buy the drain cleaner, but nothing else...well, i might buy the birth control because its so cute!!!
TheBrain's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2007 10:04
TheBrain
I just have one thing to say about the Sonic laxatives.

Blast Processing
BritiniMartini's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2007 13:35
BritiniMartini
EPIC!!! hahaa
GamexViral's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2007 21:02
GamexViral


Great stuff Destructoid
plyr3005's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/23/2007 20:34
plyr3005
I dunno about the spartan condoms. personally, when I hear Spartan, I think "TONIGHT WE DINE IN HEEEELLLLLLL" and then anout Halo.

I dunno, may I suggest

Spartan Condoms: For use with MJOLNIR armor. Starndard Issue UNSC.
Elnoobinator's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/12/2007 12:09
Elnoobinator
Lol spartan condoms.

Thats funny because Streetwise sent people red condoms to promote 300

They came in a matchbook, one side says 300, the date of the release, and the website.

The other site has a spartan helmet and says

"PREPARE FOR GLORY" "SPARTAN CONDOMS"
Purringturtle's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/09/2008 22:37
Purringturtle
Princess birth control pills are priceless! When do those go on sale again?... Er I mean... Nice photoshopping, and I love you bunny avatar.
Jon2309's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/17/2008 06:58
Jon2309
Scary thing is, number 7 would probably actually sell...
Samit Sarkar's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/24/2008 15:02
Samit Sarkar
Brilliant.
Fronz's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/25/2008 18:04
Fronz
ABACUS!
Fing Dr Yang's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/24/2008 16:58
Fing Dr Yang
"thank you from saving me, from pregnancy" Awesomeness
silvain's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/11/2008 13:30
silvain
Brilliant work, guys.

No doubt the tampons are barbed, too. :( lol
LaxLuster's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/11/2008 15:56
LaxLuster
Hilarious. My favorite was the Megaman Viagra.
grafkhun's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/21/2009 23:06
grafkhun
now this is what I'm talking about! I love dtoid for articles like these.
ikiryou's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2009 20:38
ikiryou
All awesome.

But the Chocobo BBQ wings really did the trick ^_^. Plus, now I'm actually hungry for mythical bird wings.
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