We here at Foxtoid are proud to bring you one of our most earth-shattering exclusive reports yet. Today has indeed been a banner day for scandals, such as JosephGate 2008, the capture of Carmen Sandiego, and the link between Scientology and our equestrian friends. In a way, those stories may have prepared you for this. But in another way — a completely shocking and conclusive way — they can’t even come close to this jaw-dropping special report.
Football is the ultimate masculine sport, is it not? It comprises 22 men on a 100-yard-long field, thrust into a trench warfare-like battle of brains, brawn, and will — and it doesn’t let up for sixty minutes. Most people of the male persuasion between the ages of 13 and 49 will tell you that there’s nothing more manly than tossing back a few cold ones while catching some pigskin pugilism. Unfortunately, men, we’ve been duped. Read on for an exposé that will have you vomiting in disgust.
A long-suffering Foxtoid undercover agent, whose name we cannot reveal for national security concerns, is now vindicated. The agent brings us revelations of a deplorable nature, in the form of appalling accusations levied at this great nation’s most famous and beloved football broadcasting team. The long-running CBS and FOX duo of John Madden and Pat Summerall, who covered football together for 22 seasons, has now been “outed” by our operative.
It seems that Madden and Summerall shared an off-screen partnership in addition to their on-air pairing. Foxtoid’s special reporter secured a seat on the famed Maddencruiser, the customized coach bus that Madden uses to get around the country. Reportedly, the vehicle features a hidden bedroom, with its entranceway located behind the third refrigerator.
So why is Foxtoid only bringing you this report now, when Madden and Summerall haven’t broadcasted a game together in over six years? Well, according to our inside informant, the unsanctioned-by-God relationship has stretched beyond the booth and remains active today. Secondly, EA Sports has announced significant changes to the commentary in Madden NFL 09, and now it is obvious that they should have (and likely would have, had they known of the situation) implemented those changes a long time ago.
It is the opinion of this senior analyst that Electronic Arts should, effective immediately, cease any and all association with this defiler of souls who has openly flouted good Christian morals. And I implore you, good citizens of the greatest nation on God’s green earth, to summarily burn all copies of previous Madden videogames in your possession in a display of solidarity with your fellow (heterosexual) man. Such games are the last vestige of elderly homosexuality left in many of our homes, and they must go!
AWRITE! LETS PLAY SOME (homosexual induced) FOOTBAWL!
I KNEW IT!!! John Madden's video games push people to homosexual tendencies!!! No wonder every frat across this great country plays it so much...
I totally saw this comeing.
I knew it, John Madden has been spreading the Gay Agenda all of these years. Thats a play straight out of the homosexual handbook. They're coming for your children America, be afraid!!!
No shit dude, the way he get's all hot over the word "football" is a dead giveaway.
...all April Fools shenanigans aside, we all kind of knew this... right?
First gay guy to have a game named after him?
This has to be a recruitment device by the gay liberal media. Or there's a possibility of it being the Log Cabin Republicans (sorry guy ladies/lady gents, you're on your own still if you're even on our side of the fence).
Good for John!! It's time that America learns to deal with the fact that the Gay man is not going away anytime soon. Maybe since Mr. Madden is so closely related to football, that openly-gay athletes will be accepted in the sports-world.
@BigPapaGamer
...get out of my country, Liberal.
Turduckets ain't just for eatin.
Juan Cholo?
Awesome
I knew it. I always knew it.
Turducken (my bads)
Them boys been touching each other's foos-balls
I hate you. Don't tell me the cruel truth...
I hate you. Don't tell me the cruel truth...
*draws circle* Here's a guy who embraces the love of another man.
lol@Toneman
was that the reason they always wanted to cover the rams games?
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er..that didn't work..
here we go
@yourmomX2: That is one of the scariest videos I have ever seen in my life. What year is that from?
Pat Summerall is my dark horse choice for top.
I'll even burn copies of Madden that I don't own! How dare you crush my dreams John Madden
They did play-by-play on a Gay Football League a few years back, and they sounded like they were pretty excited about it. Listen to some exerpts:
http://www.foundrymusic.com/opieanthony/displaymedia.cfm/id/3734/div/opieanthony/media_search/LATEST/LATEST/all/page/download_FOOTBALL_GAY_PER_VIEW_.html
I always knew it!
Surprised? Not really.
Thanks so much for this! This is exactly what I was looking for
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