It's a funny thing that I just so happened to be enjoying a replay of Sandlot's Earth Defense Force 2017 with a good friend of mine when news of the website trademarked by D3 Publisher surfaced. Called Earth Defense Force:Insect Armageddon, it sounds like everything I could want and more from a new title in this series -- at least, my imagination thinks so.
So with all this going on, I've had the EDF series on the brain as of late. I've discussed it with many other gamers who love the game, and we all agree on at least one point: EDF 2017 is technically a terrible game. It feels cheaply made, the voice acting is terrible, it's early-gen 360, has no online co-op ... the list goes on. Why, then, do I keep going back to the game, still having just as much fun as I did the very first time I played? Why are my hopes so high that a sequel will be just a deliciously poor, in a so-bad-its-good kind of way?
Hit the jump, because I have five things from EDF: 2017 that I desperately need to see a return to in the sequel once it is officially announced. And if you aren't convinced yet, YOU NEED TO BE.
1. MORE GIANT FUCKING ROBOTS

Let me tell you something about these fuckers. For some reason, taking them down is like, one of the most satisfying things I've done in a videogame ever. Before you get your hands on the Lysander Z, one of the most powerful sniper rifles the game has to offer, these guys are a serious challenge. You won't see them early on in the game, but as the situation worsens in the fight for earth, they will eventually start popping up. They also shoot these insane beams at you that arc over the field and have the power to blow you across the screen, which is always really, really annoying. Watching them collapse and die is semi-orgasmic. I hope we get them twice as big and badass in Insect Armaggeddon.
EDF 2017 Protip: Farm these in later levels to build crazy boosts to your armor rating, which you'll need if you want to finish the game in hardcore.
2. I WANT TO FIGHT MORE HUGE ASS MECH DINOSAURS

I mean, look. Look at it. Seriously. It's a freaking DINO-MECH. And you get to fight it. I realize the sentiment is somewhat childish but you know what, I really can't bring myself to care. It's simply a blast to sink this thing, especially if you have a friend with you to help take him down.I've fought this fight at least twenty times and I still enjoy it. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. But trying to take down this fuck while he stomps around the city is just kind of excellent.
I would like to either see an enhanced version return in Insect Armageddon, or a totally new mecha-beast altogether. Mecha-Pterodactyl?
EDF 2017 Protip: Bring two Lysanders and snipe from afar.
3. I WANT MORE STUPID PHYSICS

One of the best things about EDF 2017 that I dearly hope they hold onto for Insect Armageddon is the fact that as long as you have a rocket launcher, you can blow up absolutely any building in sight on the map. Anything. And there's something deliciously stupid about being able to do that. I can't count how many times I've gotten distracted blowing the crap out of things to have my partner say, "Colette! Please kill the ants!" Oh, sorry. Did you know I can blow up buildings, though?I It's pretty rad.
EDF 2017 Protip: Blow shit up.
4. WORSE VOICEOVERS!

Ok, so you're this guy, Probably not a guy who got a college degree, if you're out in the field blowing bugs away with a huge gun and all that good stuff. So I'm not making fun of him. However, he and his friends have just about the most awkward voiceovers I can possibly imagine in a videogame. When I hear lines like "Oh God, Jim is dead!" and "Go back to space!" uttered with complete seriousness, it just makes for a deliciously funny touch while I kill huge bugs. I'm not sure if they can do worse for the sequel, but man, I really hope they do.
EDF 2017 Protip: Listen in the underground levels for some of the game's worst dialogue.
5. THE FINAL FIGHT HAS TO SOMEHOW TOP EDF 2017'S

Movies have tried to duplicate the experience of the alien invasion of earth many times. Despite all EDF 2017's broken qualities, somehow it manages to give you the experience in a way that makes you feel all the chaos that the real event is quite real. A mothership that goes through several intense transformations is your opponent, with ships in the air attacking to keep you busy. As prepared as I am to play this level on hardcore, I always find myself yelling "OH FUCKKKK" to the person I'm playing it with as we both get tagged by lasers or forget the part where the giant legs come out or don't get far away enough to avoid being hit by it. It's always fun ... and that's not something I can say about many games on the first playthrough, much less the tenth.
How could they do it better? I don't know. Maybe we could somehow fly up and fight it IN SPACE. Maybe you could oil wrestle a giant spider. Maybe all my guys can transform into flying robots. I don't know. I just know it has to be big and bad if it's going to work.

I rest my case.
What about actual IMPROVEMENTS?
We'll be waiting, Sandlot (dear God I hope its you guys making this game). We hope you don't take out the cheese, because it makes the game. Just give us another fifty some-odd levels of alien-destroying action, add in online co-op (maybe 4 player? OMG THE POSSIBILITIES), vehicle control that actually works, a few new bug species (I vote for beetles) and we'll be happy. Ecstatic, in fact.
Join me in the battle cry, now: "EDFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!"
Colette Bennett is a Destructoid features editor from New Orleans, Louisiana. She is also a founding member of Destructoid's sister sites Tomopop, a toy lover's blog and Japanator, our anime site. Likes Nintendo DS, NES, Silent Hill series, Rhythm games, RPGs Meet the rest of the team
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Colette knows what's up!
Deal with it.
Deal with it.
It needs to be dealt with.
P-P-P-Poker faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace.
Deal me in Sluts.
Finally a person with a Dan Hibiki avatar in this comment thread who makes sense.
EDF! EDF! EDF!
MS needs to add this to Games on Demand. NAO!
Why you such an ass? Every game you have a slight dislike for your all over it like my genital warts. OMG THIS GAME IS SHIT ITS FUCKING WANK THE EDITORS A FUCKING RETARD who CANT WIPE HER OWNzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. BORING.
Sorry but I am officially revoking your Dan Hibiki privileges until you apologize to Colette.
Till then I'm sure Kabuki Man will just love being the de facto Dan the Man of Destructoid.
I never did beat the game on hardest, let alone inferno. Although playing by yourself makes it just a bit harder. :P
And “Go back to space!” just made my day.
"colette is a bore. her writing style is dull and repetitive."
Too bad you just have to keep reading her articles, or else I'll never stop twisting your arm.
I don't know... I try to be pretty fair in these rulings and would have gladly given back your Dan status... but then you once again had to ruin it with those rude remarks within the same post about Ms. Bennett being "dull and repetitive". If you find Colette talking about mecha-dinosaurs and giant robots "a bore" then something is just not right here.
I suppose I'll have to leave it down to a jury of your peers within the comment section to decide. So to the jury I ask, should epic-koryuken have his Dan status returned or withheld for an undisclosed amount of time?
I know I mentioned recently that in all the time we've known each other, we've never played this game together. That has to change!!
Also it needs a jetpack. Also online co-op. It's hard to get my boyfriend to help me farm high level loots.
Epic. I lol'd
@koryuken - if thou hast nought of value to say...well actually fuck it, just shut up will you.
We even tried grinding the shit out of the game and getting insane amounts of armour...it just didn't matter. Pretty positive we have the best weapons too.
Also epic-koryuken can epically suck my dick. This article reminds me of old dtoid, which is a good thing.
1) Its fucking monkey news, not monkey face.
2)......ohh i dont know....a little article about rare biasis, where you litearlly beal about everything and everyone that says anything you dont agree with about rare, im preety sure on the killzone 3 peice you came in just to announce you wont be buying this game. Well done. Plus your just an overall awful human, and i havent even met you.
The ONLY thing I need now is this to have a PS3 version, since I dumped my 360 a couple years ago now. That and online multiplayer. If they have those, it will probably be my personal game of the year in whatever year it comes out (not kidding.)
I dont think the hardest mode is called Expert, I think its called Insane. Whatever, it was that one. WE'RE CALLING THEM, THE RAVAGERS.
I'll be sure to avoid any game site senseless enough to publish any of your articles!
Also to everyone who liked this game.... have you every tried R.A.D.(Robotic Alchemic Drive)for the PS2? Same company and same style, but YOU drive the giant robots.... and honestly I think it has WORSE voice acting then this one. Its fantastic!!
• AT LEAST 4-player online
• jetpacks
• giant praying mantis enemies
• the ability to set everything on fire
I'd also like to see some sort of powerup magnet. I can't tell you the number of times a stage ended with me leading one stray ant around while I scooped up as many loose powerups as I could.
The other thing I'd like is some way to ascend buildings quickly. I know past games in the series gave you jetpacks and such, but it doesn't even need to be that fancy. They could do like Robot Alchemic Drive and make it so you could go straight to the top of a building by walking in the front door.
ladybugs
Colette, she is "the Mack."
-Run around
-Blow shit up
-Giant bugs
-Did I mention blow shit up?
Good stuff.
Also- epic-koryuken: "...EDF is a rushed, horrible piece of dungshit that should be bleached out of everyones mind. FUCKING FACT."
Later- epic-koryuken: "@frozenbabylon its an opinion, deal with it."
Fact ≠ opinion. They're different things.
ALSO, THERE ARE FLYING SAUCERS APPEARING ALL OVER THE CITY, WHICH MAY BE UNRELATED!
Sandlot does it like no other.