So, the new Wii browser is out, and all of us with Wiis are rushing to figure out exactly what it can do, and exactly what it can't. And while I'm not the person to tell you its exact capabilities, I can tell you that there are at least five websites you absolutely HAVE to bookmark on your Wii browser. If you have a Wii, you owe it to your family to check these out.
Here's the deal with the Wii browser's flash capabilities: it can handle Flash 7, and Flash 7 only. That means that about two thirds of Newgrounds--the good two thirds--won't work on the browser. Enter Wiicade.com, a Site made with the expressed intent of providing Flash 7, mouse-only online games for Wii users. So far, there isn't much up (the most entertaining games are Curveball and Tactical Assassin, but everyone and their mother has played those before), but it's worth a bookmark if only because they're constantly updating the site with newer, better games.
Despite what many of us thought yesterday, Youtube does, in fact, work on the Wii browser, as do most any other Sites that use flash video embedding. This means that you can essentially watch the Interweb's most badass videos on your TV. I would therefore humbly suggest:
-Heat Vision and Jack
-A Bit of Fry and Laurie
-Onyxia Wipe Animation (World of Warcraft)
Want some really good Flash 7, mouse-only games, but don't wanna wait for Wiicade to put them up? That's what Perry Falim's Orisinal.com is for. In addition to serving as really artistic, cute, simplistic, fun games in their own right, their control scheme (all but like, two of the 58 games are mouse-only) and simplicity are perfectly suited for the Wii browser. While there are some issues with the dimensions of the game window (the goddamn browser zoom seriously needs to have more than two settings), the games are still really fun. Plus, you can use pretty much all of the games as fodder in a "games should be taken seriously as an art form" argument.
What's better than boobies on a 1024x 768 monitor? Boobies on a 55 inch HDTV. While the Wii browser's capacity to watch porn videos is severely hampered by its inability to play anything other than flash videos, it can display pictures just fine. And oh, what pictures there are to display. Where free porn would otherwise have to be confined to your computer monitor, the Wii browser allows still photographs of boobies, weiners, and va-jay-jays on your home TV quicker than you can say "dirty sanchez." And that's a gift you can't put a price on.
It's like Scorched Earth, but without the tanks, and its control scheme (click once and drag to define power and angle, let go to fire) is absolutely perfect for the Wii. If you play with another person, trading off the remote after each shot, it feels like a game that was almost made for the Wii.
Internet crusader atghiphop has made wiishortcuts.com, a site which links to all of the places mentioned in this list, including some other, very helpful ones. And by very helpful, I mean Blinkx, which has about a million porno clips running off flash video. Fappers rejoice!
Sin and Punishment 2 and Pandora's Tower come out next month for Wii U in Japan
9:00 AM on 02.18.2015