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Final Fantasy XIII 'the biggest swindle in history' photo

A Hong Kong magazine has featured a review of Final Fantasy XIII, and it's one of the most damning reviews of all time. We don't normally post stories about another outlet's review content, but this is too amazing to ignore. Calling Final Fantasy XIII the "biggest joke of 2009" and a huge swindle is something worth seeing. 

"The game is complete linearity until the open areas near the end. You can't even backtrack," writes the reviewer. "Of all the RPGs I've played in recent years, this is the first which has been so linear that it's little more than riding an amusement park ride."

The combat system was torn to shreds as well: "A button mashing puzzle game with no real strategy or RPG elements and a plethora of annoying features, game as a whole is little more than a digital novel of sorts. For such a game to approach 2 million copies sold must be due solely to the strength of the Final Fantasy brand ... biggest swindle in gaming history ... biggest joke of 2009."

The game received a 4/10 in the score department:

Scenario: 2.0 — "An epic tear jerker" 
System: 1.0 — "Such a crude system barely warrants being called an RPG at all." 
Graphics: 9.0 — "Full marks here." 
Sound: 7.0 — "Mostly quality." 
Enthusiasm: 1.0 "As if you could play this for 100 hours! I could put up with 8." 
Total: 4.0 — "To think it got this bad…" 

No idea how you can get a 2.0 for something considered an "epic tear jerker," but there you go. Apparently the review was so intense and surprising that even the magazine issued a disclaimer calling the journalist in question a "non-gamer" and "borderline-retarded." So yeah, if you value the opinion of retarded non-gamers in Hong Kong, steer clear of Final Fantasy XIII!

Hong Kong Magazine gives Final Fantasy XIII a 4 out of 10 [Kombo]








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200 comments | showing # 1 to 50
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Turtlehermit's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:04
Turtlehermit
They seem to echo the complaints that a lot of people have been having with the game, quite concerning.
However I bet that most of the western reviews will still give it top marks none the less, it is a high profile game after all.
Pablo Contreras's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:04
Pablo Contreras
Wow.

...

Wait, the reviewer isn't even a gamer?
Demonolith's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:04
Demonolith
My guess is, by "epic tear jerker" he meant tears of great disappointment.

Ouch...
Cyril's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:05
Cyril
Incoming readers who believe every word.
timtheterrible's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:05
timtheterrible
Destructoid: Hong Kong
ThunderHeartXI's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:05
ThunderHeartXI
Are employers allowed to call their employees "borderline-retarded" in Hong Kong? If so then I know where I'm moving to.

But really, the guys probably right in some departments. Perhaps not so intensely but we'll see once the god damn thing finally launches over here.
Nastysoda's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:06
Nastysoda
This seems to be the same with nearly all next gen games, better graphics, more dumbed down gameplay.
Onlineatron's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:06
Onlineatron
This review reminds me of a certain other review posted about a high profile game in 2009 by a British journalist.
Tino's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:07
Tino
I got this impression from the demo. But I just dismissed it because it was a demo.

Hmmm.

(For those curious, the demo was simply run forward along a platform, no turns, fight enemies, watch cut scene, repeat)
Shadowiii's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:10
Shadowiii
What if it really does suck? Has anybody here actually played it who can technically have any fodder to argue against this? It COULD be the biggest disappointment ever.
Watch, this could turn into the one honest review of a high profile game (like Jim's AC2 review...yes, I thought that game was horrible also).
Rammstein's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:14
Rammstein
Funny, his complaints about XIII are what I've been saying about most FF's for years.

Also, wannabe-Dtoid controversy.
Jechxior's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:15
Jechxior
Is anyone actually going to believe this, the reason they sold 2 million wasn't just cause of the name Final Fantasy it's because SquareEnix has always but there best efforts into there Final Fantasy names especially there mainstream games.
Demonolith's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:16
Demonolith
What gets me is, don't the devs at some point realise that they're taking the wrong approach and start over? Is it deadlines?

Take the RTS elements in Brutal Legend for example.
Drakengard's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:16
Drakengard
Sadly, the review is echoing exactly what I've been hearing from other places. Mind you, not quite so vehemently damning, but nonetheless I am concerned.

I was already pushing this game to the back of my list of wants, essentially willing to wait until I'm bored with everything else and the price falls. Now I'm not even sure I want to touch FFXIII at all. I loved FFXII...and if FFXIII is FFX's linearity on steroids, well, I may just have to pass on this one.

All I can say, thank God I'm getting older and RPGs are too time consuming for me to really bother anymore. The genre, at least JRPGs, are falling quite hard, it would seem. Might want to keep the defibrillators handy in case the JRPGs genre flatlines. Right now, Resonance of Fate is the only one that has me even remotely interested.
Midgetsnowman's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:16
Midgetsnowman
ahahahahaha. I wonder how long till the sony trolls blame the xbox for this somehow
Strandli's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:17
Strandli
I am worried it is a bit too linear, considering it's a RPG, but the recent FF games usually are. Final Fantasy X was really linear, but it was awesome.
As long as the story is bearable, combat fun and eyecandy for money's worth, I am happy. Just hope there is enough side quests to do right before playing the final battle.
InfraredChimera's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:17
InfraredChimera
I didn't know Jim was reviewing games for a Chinese gaming publication?!? (I kid, I kid!)

Otherwise this is kinda interesting, I will wait (as if I have a choice in the matter) and see. Maybe all more the reason to get Yakuza 3 when its released?
Mr Pibb's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:17
Mr Pibb
I think my favourite part is where he gives the graphics 9/10 folowed by "Full marks here."

Now I know where I'm getting all my game reviews from in the future.
GeneOB's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:18
GeneOB
This pretty much resonates with everything I've been hearing from all over the net, aside from the guys who are too busy marking for the game just because it looks good.

Perhaps this is a subtle way of Squenix saying, "Yeah, we don't want to do this stuff anymore, so here's this "last one" like this. Now will you people drop this shit and buy XIV Online?"
EternalDeathSlayer's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:18
EternalDeathSlayer
Perhaps the guy was a gamer but the magazine didn't know what they were publishing until the last minute so they issued that disclaimer to cover their own asses in the eyes of their readership.

Or he's just border-line retarded. Could go either way, I suppose.

Although I could easily picture this game being extremely linear and find myself feeling the same way this guy did. We'll see.
CaptainApocalypse's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:18
CaptainApocalypse
Sounds like they need subscriptions...
KIHP's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:18
KIHP
I don't like how a Game is big and gets 9's handed to it, I kind of felt something off with this game but let's hope this is just one guy
EternalDeathSlayer's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:18
EternalDeathSlayer
Perhaps the guy was a gamer but the magazine didn't know what they were publishing until the last minute so they issued that disclaimer to cover their own asses in the eyes of their readership.

Or he's just border-line retarded. Could go either way, I suppose.

Although I could easily picture this game being extremely linear and find myself feeling the same way this guy did. We'll see.
ThrashingLimbsEd's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:21
ThrashingLimbsEd
Shadowii

seriously? jim sterlings review of assassins creed was honest but many of the good reviews were honest too.

Im sure this guy genuinly disliked the game and that not every single reviewer that gives a positive review to a high profile game has been bribed.
Xzyliac's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:22
Xzyliac
Destructoid: Hong Kong

So true. I love DToid, and I love the editors, but truer words have never been said.
Mr. Leo's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:23
Mr. Leo
I am not surprised at how the guy is called retarded but noone discusses his arguments...
Steve Cebu's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:23
Steve Cebu
I'm not surprised at all. It looked very linear to begin with and sales in Japan have dropped like a stone after the launch date. It probably is very linear and while many games are they allow you to back track. I'm looking forward more to Resonance of Fate as a RPG than FF XIII. I'll still buy both until Uncharted 3 and Batman AA: 2, come out. RPG's take way too much time and level grinding has totally worn me out. Lots of good games coming out, too bad FF XIII isn't better but maybe that is why SQEX has said they will switch to another format for future FF games?
SilverDragon1979's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:24
SilverDragon1979
It's very interesting how Jim posts a news story about another game review, and people's response is to quickly jump at his throat about his own reviews. Did anyone actually read this news story? Jim is not taking sides, and he does not condemn the review. He simply stated the facts of the story. Everyone needs to lay off!
TechnicolorDewDrop's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:25
TechnicolorDewDrop
@Shadowiii:
I've actually played and beaten the import version.

The guy is right about no backtracking. You can only backtrack through the final 3 chapters. Which makes me think the linearity MIGHT be due to the 360/multiple disks thing. Which means you probably will only have to swap twice for story elements and the final 3 chapters are on the last disk. But anyway back on track.

The game is pretty damn linear. It is almost a long tube. But the tube is interesting about 80% of the time. Once you get to Chapter 11 (there are 13 albeit fairly long chapters) things open up GREATLY. Almost to the point its irritating but still good. However, after Chapter 11, it's back to a fairly long, but very interesting and pretty exciting, tube till the end.

The comment of having no real strategy is completely false. This is probably the first FF in a while where I actually had to change tactics and actually use dn near EVERY character beside the main 3 I only focused on. The game holds your hands for the first two chapter. But once Paradigm Shift comes into play, all bets are off.

Tear jerker? Somewhat.

Graphics? It's fucking Square Enix! Need I say more?

Sound? Some are memorable some are not.

That's just my two cents on the game as a whole.
Chronic Logic's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:26
Chronic Logic
What the hell? The magazine disrespected their own journalists by calling them "borderline retarded"?
Cyril's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:26
Cyril
@ Steve Cebu

The reason FFXIII's sales dropped quickly is because around half of the people who own a PS3 in Japan own FFXIII already. It has nothing to do with its "quality" or lack thereof.
Xzyliac's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:27
Xzyliac
@leox001
Considering none or (or very few of us at least) have played the game I don't think a discussion is to be had.

His review does sound very hyperbolic though. I mean unless there's more to the review than the original link suggest he doesn't even give scenarios or examples or anything. Just a bunch of feather ruffling.
TheTruth's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:30
TheTruth
This is just an educated guess, but I think he meant an epic tearjerker in how big a letdown it was.
Sounds like he actually was a fan of past FF's.
That's funny the kids (I assume kids) calling the guy a non-gamer, etc. as the little Nazi's always do, shouting down anyone who doesn't say what they want them to say and trying to discredit them in such insightful ways as to call him a retarded non-gamer.

Which, by the way, once you play a game, any game, aren't you actually a gamer, since a gamer is a label for one who plays games and he obviously just finished playing one (unless he lied and made it all up)?

It's like adding proof to the reviewer insinuating the FF fans are drones that will buy anything with the brand title and never admit themselves to see the crap.

I've never played it (duh). But this little temper tantrum of the always mature gaming community is more entertaining than I can imagine the game ever being.
sprldr's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:33
sprldr
IX > All
True Axiom's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:34
True Axiom
Eventually, magazine will realize that people love Q_Q'ing over negative reviews on the internet, and transfer this phenomenon over to print media.

Also, considering every FF game has been linear as hell (your choice at any point being, "Go do this side quest that wastes your time or go advance the plot jackass"), saying a Final Fantasy is bad for being linear is like saying The Legend of Zelda is bad because you can't shoot aliens with guns.
Novakaine's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:35
Novakaine
Though people may label this magazine a hater... the fact of the matter is we're hearing the exact same sentiment I'm hearing from tons of other people who have actually played the game (not weeaboos who are crowning the game before playing it). FF XIII is actually on pace to be the FF installment with the highest percentage of returns to stores, because people are so apparently disappointed with it.
Anjo's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:36
Anjo
"Enthusiasm: 1.0 "As if you could play this for 100 hours! I could put up with 8."

Then... how does he know that it gets less linear near the end?
Librarian Mike's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:36
Librarian Mike
I think it's a positive thing that there are reviewers out there (and here) who aren't afraid to give a game a bad review. I may not agree with him, but he's putting something unique out there.

One of the things holding games criticism back is that what is considered 'average' is way too high. Look at any issue of Gamepro where pretty much every game gets rated 4-5 stars.
krel's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:37
krel
Ive played about 40 hours of this, and while I dont really agree with the review, I definitly see where its coming from.

FF13 is without a doubt the worst FF ive played. Today, I would score it about 7/10, but keep in mind that I havnt reached the end yet.

The game is extremly linear, which wouldnt be that much of a problem if the pacing wasnt so horrible. The things theyve taken out (like cities and NPCs) makes the game roll on at the same tempo all the time, and while its hard to out down the controller (you are rewarded with new cinematics every 15 minutes or so) it all just feels bland.

I still want to see the ending, and I dont think the combat system is half as broken as I thought at first (its actually rather cool and intresting in boss fights) but the game is by no means a masterpiece.
If you want a JRPG in the traditional sense, steer clear! This is more of Uncharted 2 with ATB battles than an actual "rpg".

The story is not very intresting, but the characters are well made. Especially the bonds that the characters create between each other feels much more real than in any other JRPG ive played.

Music is okay, but doesnt really stand out. Graphics are amazing at times (faces & emotions) but overall it doesnt look as good as I had hoped. Most of the time your running in "corridors" so to speak, and those are seldom visually impressive.
Loading times are few and well hidden.

So, yeah, basicly a solid 7. Could reach an 8 if the endgame is as good as ive heard.
Elsa's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:37
Elsa
Actually this rather echoes my own concerns about the game... great story (epic tear jerker), lots of cut scenes, very linear (to tell that epic story) - but little gameplay value.
... it will be interesting to see the feedback from western gamers.
Ball Buster's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:39
Ball Buster
Wait, since when has Final Fantasy ever had strategy? I thought it was always "spam attack that makes the biggest numbers." Or "spam attack that makes OK numbers until you can make the really big numbers for one turn."
Zepwich's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:43
Zepwich
The minute I heard there were no towns and stores I got a little put off by it. Final Fantasy has always been more of an adventure. Making it such a linear game in a series that is known for exploration is a bad move.
SuperDance's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:47
SuperDance
If the magazine went out of their way to discredit the review and call the reviewer "borderline retarded", why'd they even publish the article?
George Eric Oliver's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:47
George Eric Oliver
Best thing is it will still Get high marks and millions of people will still buy it because fanboys and girls for FF games always praise these games...
matty125's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:48
matty125
If you want to play a solid Square Enix, play Nanashi No Game Me for the DS. Not enough people know about that game.
whateverthismeanstoyou's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:48
whateverthismeanstoyou
Kidna expected. JRPG == okay anime, nonsensical story around some kids from a poor background, linear, enemies coming out of thin air, linear.

Good thing SE went multi-platforms. Wish I find time to play this game this year. At least, it sounds like an honest review for a JRPG.
CocoJambo's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:50
CocoJambo
How come Niero doesn't put a disclaimer on the site calling Jim a casual and borderline retarded? Maybe that's just for scores below 4.5 .


I sure hope this means the death of JRPG as they are now. We all know most JRPG developers all base their work on the latest FF, so we can only hope they do the same with this one.
krel's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:53
krel
Oh, and let me just add that I am kind of an FF junkie. And I still think FF13 is kinda crap.
(Its not a bad game..just underwhelming.)

Tbh, I still havnt seen a single really positive (like 10/10) review of FF13.
Obviously not counting Famitsu.
Sexualchocolate's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:53
Sexualchocolate
How come Niero doesn't put a disclaimer on the site calling Jim a casual and borderline retarded?


THIS.
Django Reinhardt's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/10/2010 11:54
Django Reinhardt
I'm not surprised at all. Every Final Fantasy game has had a ridiculous and nonsensical story and the series has followed an observable trend toward linearity over the last decade.

I'm still planning on renting it for the visual experience, though.
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