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Here's Uwe Boll's latest masterpiece. Based off the FarCry series, it follows the plot from the game as Jack Carver and Valerie Constantine investigate an island full of genetically modified super soliders. It's set to have lots of explosions, violence and dddduuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrr! YOUR PENUS IS LIKE A GUN! LOLOLOL!

MEERRRRRRRR! DUUURRRRRR! MOOOOOOOO! ............

Editor's note: Umm, sorry guys and girls, we don't know what just happened to CTZ. We think his mind must have snapped after watching the trailer. -- Mr. Destructoid.

[Thanks, Jsun!]


Continue: More Uwe Boll stories





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next 50 comments

84 comments | showing # 1 to 50

Holyetheline's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 15:44
Holyetheline
Hmmm... I don't trust this.
stoo1985's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 15:49
stoo1985
I thought that was David Hyde Pierce for a moment, oh man!


David Hyde Pierce = a better movie

:P
MrSadistic's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 15:49
MrSadistic
Wow, it's an all-star cast of actors from sub-par movies.
drMario1337's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 15:50
drMario1337
Wow, can you say boring?
brendonia's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 15:50
brendonia
on USA Friday at 8
PrinceofCannedPeaches's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 15:51
PrinceofCannedPeaches
@Etheline
You don't have to trust it: it's Uwe Boll.

The way most of the dialogue is delivered makes me feel like Boll would be better dredging his lines out of a barnyard animal Spin-and-Say than those pathetic actors.

Jack: But there's Trigens down there! We can't go there!
Valerie: MOOOOOOOOOO!
suncrashesdown's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 15:53
suncrashesdown
Wow this looks pretty fuckin awful. Maybe a new low for our pal Uwe?
Guagloves's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 15:54
Guagloves
How do his movies make it to theaters? Seriously.
Dagerr's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 15:55
Dagerr
Wow! This movie looks great!




...If it were released in the late 80s.
Vigor's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 15:56
Vigor
Hey Stevo... Fuck you!
UglyDuck's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 15:56
UglyDuck
It's got Udo Kier, who played Yuri from RA2, so it's got to be good.
zsavior's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 15:57
zsavior
IS this universal solider, Lawl .
power-glove's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 15:58
power-glove
If this movie has over a million dollar budget I am going to laugh
Mabec's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:00
Mabec
omg vad värdelöst.
Dr Milkdad's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:00
Dr Milkdad
Oh shit, Til Schweiger is in this? Oh snap, now I have to see who the fuck is Til Schweiger?

But I'm going to see this opening day, it looks just way to ridiculous to not see it any other time. The dialog seems about on par with Transformers, just so much mouth diarrhea splashing all over the place.
that1dood's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:01
that1dood
Mr. Boll... you've out did yourself. DURRRRRR Is that your gun? "Yup and I left it loaded. BOOM"

*brain splode*
Baron Calico's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:01
Baron Calico
Well... the acting here is at least better than the game it's based on...
3r0t1c n3rd's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:05
3r0t1c n3rd
I smell shitty movie night...
Sadie G's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:05
Sadie G
Poor Hamza :(
Tubatic's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:06
Tubatic
Wait whoa, didn't tax law critical strike Uwe Boll with a fata blow like, two months ago?! Why are we still seeing this.

Also, Transformers was Shakesperean compared to this dreck, doc. Shoehorning toy catch phrases FTW
Fishstick's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:06
Fishstick
"You're just a simple boatman."

That's good shit right there.
Chad Concelmo's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:06
Chad Concelmo
CTZ! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Come back to us!
tratch's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:08
tratch
Uwe should have cast Robert Z'Dar.

Far Cry + Robert Z'Dar = Instant Win.
Dr Milkdad's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:09
Dr Milkdad
"Who said I was simple..?"

Gold, pure fucking GOLD
angusm's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:09
angusm
Shit that fails so hard!
Putthebottledown's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:18
Putthebottledown
Who lets him make movies.... I mean what studio says.. WE NEED UWE BOLLE!!!
Skylance's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:19
Skylance
Ahh... Wasn't Far Cry supposed to be, you know, in the Tropics?

Last time I checked, Vashon wasn't exactly packed with jungles.
ceark's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:22
ceark
oh man, uwe got CTZ! someone call an ambulance!
UnderLines's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:25
UnderLines
Is that your gun... in my ass?
Dr Milkdad's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:26
Dr Milkdad
There are no jungles in Vancouver, where every Uwe Boll ever has been filmed.
yaisuah's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:28
yaisuah
Anybody want to stand in line for tickets with me starting RIGHT NOW?
Jordan Devore's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:28
Jordan Devore
Shitty Movie Night says hai!
BluDesign's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:30
BluDesign
Fucking A!

Til Schweiger's BACK BABY!
Professor Pew's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:38
Professor Pew
Do Want! It actually looks like the game, weird.
Samit Sarkar's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:39
Samit Sarkar
Why the hell does this movie look like it was made in 1986?
verkon's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 16:47
verkon
No traces of Handsome Tom or Stuttering Craig :(
DrNutt's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 17:01
DrNutt
Looks like this is a "far cry" from a decent movie!
WillyFourEyes's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 17:08
WillyFourEyes
Shitty trailer is shitty.

Also: Uwe Boll + anything = Insta-Fail...unless it's Custer's Revenge.
Cheeburga's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 17:08
Cheeburga
Holy shit, listen to those sound effects for impacts of punches, kicks, and the falling bomb.
Fucking horrible.
ScottyG's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 17:12
ScottyG
The only reason I'd consider watching this movie is because the guys from Screwattack are in it, as background characters or something.

This is assuming of course their scenes didn't get cut out. :p
RaiRed's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 17:13
RaiRed
Gonna have to watch this since if features the ScrewAttack guys, but I certainly won't pay for the pleasure.
Gyrael's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 17:20
Gyrael
...

I hate Boll he should die.
foxhound009's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 17:31
foxhound009
hahahahha is that a very expensive joke or a very bad business move????????
MechaMonkey's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 17:37
MechaMonkey
Pine trees do not = jungle.

Inaccuracies abound!
Crumpet Lips's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 17:43
Crumpet Lips
I don't know why people keep thinking movies that are made which are based off of games will be any good. They are ALL terrible. The only movie I ever thought was remotely good was Mario Brothers but even that was shonky (can see how silly it is now that I am older).

Anyway, fart
str8raz0r's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 17:45
str8raz0r
Dare I say this looks like a much better effort than Boll's previous attempts?

I mean, that's not saying much, but at least he's got the basic skeleton of Far Cry's non-plot in there.

And Udo Kier is made of win.

Still looks like shit, but a slightly polished turd, at least.
moot button's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 17:46
moot button
WOW, who keeps giving this guy money?!
razerangel's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 17:46
razerangel
Based on the best selling videogame.

Words that will send a chill down the spine of even the hardiest of men.
Blommen's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 17:53
Blommen
There's not even a jungle, wtf???

Damn I hate that man!
Eschatos's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/14/2008 17:56
Eschatos
I refuse to watch that trailer on principle. Sorry, but I know it will be shit. Someone needs to get rid of this man.
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