I spent a long time this week of thinking how exactly I wanted to cover Heavy Rain. Originally, my plan was to just look at the lowest reviews and look at all the people whining, but that wasn't very exciting. It was mostly just the same old stuff that always happens when a game gets a low review.
So I started looking at the higher reviews, hoping to find 360 fans whining and moaning about how unfair life was. I came across something interesting.
It seemed that the most whining happened in the reviews where the game got a 9.
Somehow, the 9 has become as bad, if not worse, than an 8 or a 7. As average game scores creep higher and higher, a 90 just doesn't cut it anymore, especially when recent games like Mass Effect 2 and Uncharted 2 both have 96s on Metacritic. With 8s and 10s, you just get standard whining about biased reviewers, but the 9 review is a horrific trainwreck -- fans shrieking that the game deserved a perfect score collide with detractors saying that the 9 is proof the game is a flop, and the whole thing quickly degenerates into name calling and screaming.
Oh, and don't forget that everything you're about to read is from people who've played nothing but the demo, because the GAME ISN'T OUT FOR ANOTHER TWO WEEKS.
First, we'll look at all the devastated fans who just can't believe the game they've hyped for the last 4 years is only "almost perfect", according to some reviewers.
How could a game so good get such a terrible score?
This isn't all just about PS3 fanboy whining. Part of the reason a 9.0 isn't a good score anymore is because of douchebags like this.
Only a 9. It's just sickening how biased this reviewer is.
It deserves more! But how much more exactly?
Hmm, the "hardest" magazine in Japan gave it the equivalent of a 9.25. That's still way too low.
9.3 is better, but I don't think it's good enough.
9.5 is a pretty popular choice. A lot of people seem to think it REALLY deserves a 10, but by declaring it's a 9.5 they're being "fair".
Yeah, I think 9.5 sounds about right. God what a stupid biased reviewer.
I'm glad we reached a conse....wait..what was that? 9.5? Too low!
9.6? TOO LOW!
NO STILL TOO LOW!
Finally, the only person with the balls to tell the truth around here. I don't know what this reviewer was thinking -- these guys have played the demo. They obviously know exactly what the full game is like and can score it accordingly.
Still unable to comprehend how the game only got a 9, people came up with some interesting theories.
MICROSOFT OWNS EVERYTHING.
I know when I review games, I just look at who published the game and then subtract or add points accordingly.
And then we get to the comparisons. I'm just going to post the comparisions and then the comment threads that follow them, because I don't have the strength to come up with something witty for each individual line. Get ready for the flame wars.
Oh no! If THIS game gets a 9, think of all the OTHER games coming out that might get 9s!
I don't understand the inclusion of the word "default" here. Ideas, anyone?
Man, the PS3 sucks! No way, the 360 sucks!
Now we get to the horribly misspelled insults.
On the topic of insults, this was an exchange that happened in the middle of a comment thread with no context whatsoever. I think they were insulting just for the sake of insulting.
This one is horribly racist, and also horribly hilarious.
It's been a while since we've had a fight about hardware.
Alright, I'm wrapping this up soon. To finish, I just want to show you some of the more ridiculous standalone comments that were made, often relating to nothing relevant.
Does anyone know the release date for this game? I googled it but couldn't find it, and it sounds like a day one purchase.
Supervising the games your children play is a step toward good parenting. Now try supervising their internet use.
What's a Fanboy Friday without an I OWN BOTH SYSTEMS fanboy?
Finally, I want to end with my favorite comment. It's not particularly vulgar, or even that funny, but it's really satisfying to see a fanboy so stupid he actually doesn't know the release date of the game he's crapping on get caught in his lies.
And that's all I've got. I know this edition is longer than usual, so if you made it all the way to the end, congratulations! You've won a free bonus comment!
See you next week! (Unless your eyes have been poked out.)
Alright. I feel like I'm fully recovered now. Let's get this show on the road. This week, we'll be taking a trip back to YouTube, but not to look at videos. Instead, we'll look at what people have to say about the recent rele...more
It's time for another video roundup! It's been a while since we've seen what all the kids with webcams were up to, so let's check in. ...ok, I'll be honest. I haven't fully recovered from doing Heavy Rain last week, so I'm taking the easy way out and giving myself one extra week off from going through all those terrible forums. I think I've earned it. Prepare yourself.more
I spent a long time this week of thinking how exactly I wanted to cover Heavy Rain. Originally, my plan was to just look at the lowest reviews and look at all the people whining, but that wasn't very exciting. It was mostly j...more