I spent a long time this week of thinking how exactly I wanted to cover Heavy Rain. Originally, my plan was to just look at the lowest reviews and look at all the people whining, but that wasn't very exciting. It was mostly just the same old stuff that always happens when a game gets a low review.
So I started looking at the higher reviews, hoping to find 360 fans whining and moaning about how unfair life was. I came across something interesting.
It seemed that the most whining happened in the reviews where the game got a 9.
Somehow, the 9 has become as bad, if not worse, than an 8 or a 7. As average game scores creep higher and higher, a 90 just doesn't cut it anymore, especially when recent games like Mass Effect 2 and Uncharted 2 both have 96s on Metacritic. With 8s and 10s, you just get standard whining about biased reviewers, but the 9 review is a horrific trainwreck -- fans shrieking that the game deserved a perfect score collide with detractors saying that the 9 is proof the game is a flop, and the whole thing quickly degenerates into name calling and screaming.
Oh, and don't forget that everything you're about to read is from people who've played nothing but the demo, because the GAME ISN'T OUT FOR ANOTHER TWO WEEKS.
First, we'll look at all the devastated fans who just can't believe the game they've hyped for the last 4 years is only "almost perfect", according to some reviewers.
nononono wtf 9.0 to heavy rain just cause of small details watahell?
How could a game so good get such a terrible score?
Wow... 9.0 is really low for a game like this.
This isn't all just about PS3 fanboy whining. Part of the reason a 9.0 isn't a good score anymore is because of douchebags like this.
only a 9? thats it? thats your killer app game? its shit
Only a 9. It's just sickening how biased this reviewer is.
Only 9.0 this game has gotten 100 out of a 100 by a lot of other sites. This deserves more
It deserves more! But how much more exactly?
famitsu the best and hardest weekly game magazine in japan gave this 37/40
Hmm, the "hardest" magazine in Japan gave it the equivalent of a 9.25. That's still way too low.
He near enough compliments the game throughout the entire review, but then gives it a 9.0, I know a 9.0 is good and all but he was building it up to atleast a 9.3 or 4!
9.3 is better, but I don't think it's good enough.
what the FUCK, they give it a 9.0 because it start to slow? suck my fucking balls. whats the matter they always try to put the most little negative shit in the review so they can take away points this should be like a 9.5 or more.
Hmm...9.5?
i'd give it a 9.5, it doesnt matter if it starts slow. i just wanna have fun playing it. i just hope it doesnt disappoint me.
9.5 is a pretty popular choice. A lot of people seem to think it REALLY deserves a 10, but by declaring it's a 9.5 they're being "fair".
Only 9.0??? That's bullshit...should at least be 9.5. I would give it a perfect 10. Its unique.
Yeah, I think 9.5 sounds about right. God what a stupid biased reviewer.
this game gets a 9.5 to me. seriously you are starting to go downhill.
I'm glad we reached a conse....wait..what was that? 9.5? Too low!
9.6 i wuld say
9.6? TOO LOW!
9's still good but fuck off . Your all just XBOX fanboys. This'll kick ASS ERECT, GAYLO & QUEERS OF WAR to the curb. This looks better than any game out there. My verdict 9.8 outa' 10. PS3's alive with awsome games & XBOX is dead going toits grave with a pretty red ring flashing
NO STILL TOO LOW!
9.0 sorry I think a game like this deservs a 10
Finally, the only person with the balls to tell the truth around here. I don't know what this reviewer was thinking -- these guys have played the demo. They obviously know exactly what the full game is like and can score it accordingly.
Still unable to comprehend how the game only got a 9, people came up with some interesting theories.
fucking all these stupid review companies are all paid of by microsoft. 9/10? My fucking ass, this shud be 10/10. fucking biased retards. If microsoft didnt fkin pay of every company,they wudnt be any where as they r today.
MICROSOFT OWNS EVERYTHING.
Dude, I totally know man. Look at machinima, they're all a bunch of fucking assholes that only promote xbox, I haven't even seen 1 heavy rain trailer yet they'll be sure to make Halo Reach look like the new testament. Seriously, I would like to find a game channel that isn't being bribed by fucking microsoft, sony is superieur and it's a fucking fact, just that Bill Gates has a lot more money with him. Luckily Steve Jobs tells that asshole how he is, but steve jobs sucks his own cock due to ego
I know when I review games, I just look at who published the game and then subtract or add points accordingly.
i mean...uncharted 2 gets 9.5, now this game only gets 9.0...
I've noticed that too. They're getting a lot pickier.
yeah they literally took off an entire point to the pacing of the game. Before it seems like they would rate games generally highly, but I guess they're attempting to get rid of that image.
they simply hate SONY dude...
And then we get to the comparisons. I'm just going to post the comparisions and then the comment threads that follow them, because I don't have the strength to come up with something witty for each individual line. Get ready for the flame wars.
Oh no! If THIS game gets a 9, think of all the OTHER games coming out that might get 9s!
this game deserves more than 9, and it shouldnt get minus for slow start bcos every game starting is slow!! and just think only 1 minus and u gave it 9 other games got 2 minus and they got 9.4, every verdict of uncharted 2 was ++++ and it gor 9.5!! u better not give 9 to god of war 3 when it comes out PEACE
I don't understand the inclusion of the word "default" here. Ideas, anyone?
Fanboy 1: PS3 exclusives = variety, polish, masterpieces
360 exclusives = halo game number 3, halo game number 4, halo game number 5, gears of war, generic shooter number 4569, generic shooter number 7364
Fanboy 2: dude you forgot Default Massive Peace of Shit RPG 1 and 2!
Man, the PS3 sucks! No way, the 360 sucks!
Fanboy 1: Pressing buttons during a movie=sony fans idea of a brilliant game.
MGS4=crappy movie
Heavy Rain=crappy movie
FF13=crappy movie
See a trend with PS3?
Fanboy 2: You're such a cute fanboy troll. Are you 12?
Fanboy 3: LOL sounds to me like a butthurt 360 fanboy who wanted Heavy Rain to Fail but it didnt XD. go play mass effect 2 shut up.
MGS4 = 35 perfect scores = MGS4 > anything on 360.
Fanboy 4: yes it is! dumbass you guys get mgr which is a gay spinoff thats not even created by the genius hideo. ha xbox just sucks go back to playing galo or masseffect(me2 is the only good game on xbox)ps3 has so much awesome AAA titles coming while 360 has shit and is shit! muwhahaha and yes i'm a fanboy!
Now we get to the horribly misspelled insults.
Fanboy 1: halo is moar better than this game in graphics and more shoting guns they add on halo this game is not shotin game so is gay alot
Fanboy 2: That's because it was never meant to be a shooting game O.o WHy do people think every game was made for shooting?
Fanboy 3 (has 'military' in his username): Because a mojority of games on 360 are shooters and as you can see from that fan boy comment he would assume this is to and probably under the age of 12 as his comment was all over the place in way's of actually making sense
Fanboy 1: you suck and i bet you got raped in the military faggit hoer halo 3 is more betta then this gay ass crapsy game this game looks like its soooooo boring and it looks crap like your face stupid nigier
On the topic of insults, this was an exchange that happened in the middle of a comment thread with no context whatsoever. I think they were insulting just for the sake of insulting.
Fanboy 1: i herd u got your first blow job in the closet from your dad
Fanboy 2: I heard you use donkey turds as dildos but we already knew that
Fanboy 1: your a pedifile faggot that smells childrens underwer
This one is horribly racist, and also horribly hilarious.
Fanboy 1 (Has 'Naruto' in his username): this game sucks
Mass effect 2 get 9.6
xbox 360 FTW
Fanboy 2: Shut up, fanboy.
Gameinformer:
Mass Effect 2: 9.75
Uncharted 2: 10
PS3 FTW
Fanboy 1: Mass Effect ain't xbox exclusive dumbass arab sand nigger.
You are an Arab Sandnigger, also your name indicates that you love showing xbox up your ass until you make it reach so deep you call your mother to pull it out, also alan wake is an bullshit game, common your an writer with an writers block fucking stupid idea for a game, also Forza 3 is an retarded child comparted to Gran Turismo, everyone who's been in gaming more then 2 years knows that, Gran Turismo is the grandfather of the race games, you sandnigger.
Fanboy 3: A person with "Naruto" in their username shouldn't try trolling because he's a fucking pussy little weebo who will get his ass kicked. A good troll isn't just shouting insults. Now get off the internet, you're doing it wrong
Fanboy 2: Your parent's must be proud to have such an smart son as you, I hope you will be the president of the smartass corp, and go watch discovery channel, please.
It's been a while since we've had a fight about hardware.
Fanboy 1: why the hell is this a ps3 exclusive, indigo prophecy was for both systems
Fanboy 2: The 360 wouldn't be able to handle this game.
Fanboy 1: no it couldn't the graphics are simply beyond 360...That's why they turned to sony's ps3, because they were very ambitious.
Fanboy 2: I tell you, MGS4 couldn't run on 360. 1. we have the cell processor...which makes the one ofr 360 dated 2. we have 50 GB of place, there are room for a lot of content. So yeah what you are saying is all devices a equality as good...just of you like your product enough.....wake up and say hello to reality.
Fanboy 1: When you can explain exactly how much better the cell processor is, then you can brag about how 'dated' the 360's is. But you obviously know shit so stfu. And it could easily run on 360, it would take a load of discs, but it would still run. Don't brag about how 360 can't handle games when in almost all multiplatform games its the ps3 who can't keep up.
Fanboy 2: wow you really want me to go in details ? Go google it fanboy... and the reason why mulitiplatform games used to look inferior on ps3 is because developers are aren't used to code to ps3's architecture and they ported it from xbox to ps3...now the tables has turned and most code from ps3 to xbox. So yeah google cell vs. Xenon .....and come back informed you ignorant imbecile.
Alright, I'm wrapping this up soon. To finish, I just want to show you some of the more ridiculous standalone comments that were made, often relating to nothing relevant.
Does anyone know the release date for this game? I googled it but couldn't find it, and it sounds like a day one purchase.
**COMING SOON** TO PSN EXCLUSIVELY: A game oF kiLLing some XboT 360 Fagboys (or fanboys) For JUST $6.99!!! & trophies IncLuded... I will definitively Buy THIS!... to finish over Those sTupid Faggots! & BTW im not a sony fanboy
Supervising the games your children play is a step toward good parenting. Now try supervising their internet use.
I really want this game! but, my mom will be like "you shouldn't play those violent games with girls in the underware!" (she's annoying like that!) I need this game and modnation racers!
What's a Fanboy Friday without an I OWN BOTH SYSTEMS fanboy?
i owen both but these 360s fan boys are ether a there wating there fucking time b there are really fucking morns who kisses miscrosofts ass or cthey just do this shit on pursp and have no life and for fuck sakes if you havernt played the game yet you cant hate or liek it till you play it but no there just way to fucking blind to see it cuse all they every do is bash on ps3 review and watch porn inside his or hers moms basment
Finally, I want to end with my favorite comment. It's not particularly vulgar, or even that funny, but it's really satisfying to see a fanboy so stupid he actually doesn't know the release date of the game he's crapping on get caught in his lies.
Fanboy 1: this game sucks. i made a huge mistake by pickin this up
Fanboy 2: it's not out yet dipshit FAIL
Fanboy 3: Fail... It's not even out, go back to blowing shit up you Modern Warfag.
And that's all I've got. I know this edition is longer than usual, so if you made it all the way to the end, congratulations! You've won a free bonus comment!
Person actually talking about the game: i wonder what happens when you kill all the characters off.
Fanboy Superstar: a giant dildo comes out of the tv and fucks you in the eye.
See you next week! (Unless your eyes have been poked out.)
Contest:
8:00 PM on 02.12.2010 | 
Oh God I laughed so hard. Reminds me so much of the Twilight Princess fiasco. Jesus, what the hell is wrong with people?
And apparently horrific is spelled wrong, according to firefox.
"a giant dildo comes out of the tv and fucks you in the eye."
^ made my fucking night.
THE BEST.
So true :-(
"your a pedifile faggot that smells childrens underwer"....there are 2 different ways to spell Paedophile, that is not one of them.
@ Johnathan Ross - How do you do this week in week out? Its got to be taking atoll on you mentally or something. whats your secret?
@ guillermo316 - huh?? Wrong article? Bioshocks on the second floor, 3rd room on the left.
oh God, that made me squirt milk through my nose.
http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?pid=11174471&op=1&o=global&view=global&subj=2224501422&id=644420314
"wake up and say hello to reality." My favourite argument. 'PS3game couldn't work on Xbox because FACT and that makes it good'. Lair could only work on PS3, technically.
Fanboy Friday brings out the introverted dick in me. Not the physical one.
Does it put me a mirror in front of me to stir up my level of self critism,tolerace for others?
Or is this all about making cheap laughs about fanboyism?
Btw whats the oposite of fanboyism? Im starting to hate heavy rain from the deepest of my heart.
While everyones going crazy about this game i personaly thinking its a step backwards for gameplay.
So iam a Anti Heavy Rain Gameplay Fanboy? Or what? I dont have problems with consoles i dont own neither with games.
On one side, you've got people claiming that Sony paid reviewers off and the game actually sucks.
On the other, you've got people screaming that it didn't get tens and the reviewers suck.
Then there's us in the middle who just want to play the game ;_;
0.1 is too much of a difference!
I didn't understand that Default Mass Effect comment either....Although, saying ASS ERECT is hilarious.
Them's my hopes, anyways.
A UMAD? Monday in order... geez. I never laughed so hard in my life...
Oh hush, we're just having some fun at the expense of idiots who deserve way worse than this. Don't like it, don't read it. Quit ruining the party.
Fanboy Superstar: a giant dildo comes out of the tv and fucks you in the eye."
WIN
They make me feel intelligent.
(sarcasm on) But I thank you, fanboys. The PS3 is truly the god of all gaming consoles. It even went back in time (because it CAN do everything) and inspired the people over at Mangnavox (okay Ralph Baer but I don't want to get into gaming history here), Atari, Coleco, Mattel, Fairchild, Nintendo, and ultimately Microsoft. I should really avoid the high ranking games, like a 9 because it's inferior and an insult to your great games and should always be a 10, and 8s to 10s on other consoles because of bias. And above all, avoid Machinima and X-Play because they are being bought out by Microsoft. The games reviewed with 1s, 2s, and 3s are where it's at. Wait... What? (end sarcasm)
Oh, where's the Tylenol... Typing that made my entire brain erupt in flames of stupidity... And I apologize for the length of this, but this is what was on my mind.
lolwut
I just had a horrifying thought. While you could argue that a lot of M-rated games have some appeal to younger people, "Heavy Rain" isn't marketing itself that way. It's marketing itself as a mature story geared grown-ups. If I were a 13-year-old, I probably wouldn't care about this game at all.
That means that, just maybe...
Some of these people are adults.
I was disappointed to not see any of the 600 comments from Jims review.
I'm laughing on the outside, but crying on the inside
^this
P.S. That dildo comment is literally the funniest thing I've ever heard!
This week was good, but it hurt me on the inside.
Queers of War?
Oh, fanboys, you so awesome.
No shit! I wonder when the fail will get so incredible here that Dtoid actually ends up a major participant in Fanboy Fridays.
Here's lookin forward to FFXIII friday hahahahahaha.
ASS ERECT. Well at least it's slightly more creative than "gaylo".
"OK, GT are ofifcialy idiots, I said it many times, but now they've outdone themselves. I bet when Halo Reach comes out they'll give it 10.5 to start with. Presentation 8.8? What the Fuck? Gameplay 8.2? What the Fuck? I know you'll say that's their opinion, but check this out: It's not fair! And definitely not objective! I'm asking an official question: Why are PS3 exclusives being downrated and why 360 exclusives are overrated? I demand an answer. It's happened again. GT keeps saying that games need to be innovative. Well, if HR isn't innovative than What the Fuck is? Modern Warfare 2? Or Mass Effect 2? It's all been done before! Whilst Fahrenheit and HR set a genre of it's own satifying mature people! When I watched this review I had a feeling that they're reviewing it for a fucking 10 year old. It's not a game for children for god's sake! It's not running and gunning shooting everything that moves! And the nitpicking: ohhh the controls suck, the camera sucks, this sucks, that sucks, bla bla bla. Jesus Christ!
Mark my words: Alan Wake (let's say that it'll be a similar game) will get at least 9.4."