Fanboy Friday: Tard Head Edition

7:00 PM on 02.05.2010   |   Jonathan Ross

48 comments

It's always interesting when an older Japanese game finally makes it out West, as was the case with White Knight Chronicles this week. I remember hearing the game being hyped back when I bought my PS3, but I quickly forgot about it since the release date was so far off.

This week, it finally game out. How does a game made in 2008 rank today? Most reviews agreed it was pretty average, although a couple reviewers just flat out didn't like it (and a few thought it was just fantastic).

As expected, the fact that the game didn't get a 10 means gloating from 360 fanboys and incessant whining from the PS3 side.

Hit the jump.

Let's talk about some of the reviews. These, as you can probably figure out, are mostly pulled from the reviews that weren't so hot. I'm going to keep track of all the valuable lessons I've learned today from reading these.

Lesson #1: If you don't pepper your speech in random Japanese words, watch a bunch of anime, and/or like tentacle porn, your opinion on video games is invalid.

I really wonder how this "JRPG god" (as he humbly called himself in a recent podcast) hasn't been fired yet. His knowledge of JRPG's, and Japanese culture for that fact, is laughable at best...

Lesson #2: When reviewing a game, make sure every word longer than 3 letters links to the dictionary.com definition of it.

"It might be easy to dismiss White Knight Chronicles as an awful game. It's not." ... Then why the "Mediocre" rating?

Lesson #3: Every bad review is because of bias.

lol I'm not at all surprised by the score. the motto for years has been "360 GOOD! PS3 BAD!!!" But whatever

Lesson #4: All reviews should be done with the expectation that every aspect of the game, from the graphics engine to major gameplay systems will be fixed in the future with patches.

definitlely underrated this game. Sure there are a few issues with it now, but no one is saying it can't be fixed in a patch or two.

Lesson #5: Reviewers without day jobs have a wide variety of career options available if the whole video game thing doesn't work out.

you should search for a job more akin to your aptitudes.Butcher,for exampple. This game is way better that the likes of Avatar ,so just shut your assmouth.And you should have handled the review to someone that was less a hater.

Lesson #6:When commenting on a review, the most effective way to get your point across is to go off on a wild nonsensical tangent that appears to be a response to a comment. Make sure the "comment" you're responding to doesn't actually exist.

what halo r u play jayvee halo 2 wow yeah a 5 yr old game and most people that want to play ME 2 on their PC probably can't because of the specs but for 259.99 they could instead of 600 or more to upgrade their PC. oh yeah new splinter cell 360 exclusive, crackdown 2, Forza 3(best racing sim ever), fable 3, natal, ninety nine nights 3, yeah 360 FTW!!!

Lesson #7: If an exclusive on your platform of choice isn't reviewed well, just throw out some random insults towards other consoles to deflect attention.

360 sucks,RROD,disk read errors,disk scratching,E74.

Lesson #8: If an exclusive for a platform you don't own isn't reviewed well, make sure you rub it in.

hahaha! Another PS3 exclusive joke!! hahahaha! This is another game that I got into an argument about with a PS3 fanboy. "PS3 is gonna have way better exclusives than 360 in 2010". Well, so for PS3 is doing shitty job, MAG and White Knight Chronicles, lets hope on God of War 3! I think I made a great decisions with my 360!

Lesson #9: If someone is rubbing it in, start making outrageous comparisons. This is a good time for some serious namecalling to start.

what do you mean another ps3 exclusive that blows? xbox has gears of war, both which blow, halo which never changes (blows,) fable 2 is a rpg made for imbred retards (blows) - when you compare the two systems in exclusive titles the ps3 is kickin the snot out of xbox. metal gear, killzone, mag, uncharted, Valkryie Chronicles, little big planet to name a few - xbox has mass effect to draw customers over and right now that is it. i would know i own both and xbox is the over-all current let down.

Lesson #10: Every time you insert the world 'fail' into a sentence, the effectiveness of your argument exponentially increases.

lol i knew this game would be fail! another failgame for the failps3. enjoy your fail!!!! lmao. oh the joys of having a PS3 XDXDXD

Lesson #11: lol tard head

geez lip syncsing is horrible because of ENG DUB get that tard head.

Final (and most valuable) Lesson: It's all about eyeballs.

FF is the only JRPG I'll ever play from now on. From what I've seen of FF13 the English dub is good and the characters have NORMAL SIZED EYEBALLS! Eyeballs are key

I hope everyone got some educational value out of this. Take these lessons to heart and apply them to your everyday internet interactions, and soon YOU could be featured on an upcoming edition of FBF.