After reading a particularly ridiculous article today, it struck me that there is a mostly untapped goldmine of humor buried within the comments sections of various videogame Web sites and forums. No matter what the news (or how positive or negative it is), "fanboys" will always have something ludicrous to say, something that pretty much defies all rational thought.
In honor of these brilliant thinkers, I'm introducing Fanboy Friday -- a look at some of the most asinine, deluded, or just plain crazy things that people say in defense of a console, or in attack of another. It's great to be passionate about games; we just want to figure out what makes rational, normally sensible people turn rabid.
Each week, we'll be taking a look at a particular topic that's making its way around the Internet, and highlighting the best/funniest/most irrational comments we see on various sites (including our own). Don't worry if a system or genre gets left out one week, because we'll be sure to get to it in one of the upcoming weeks -- we're equal opportunity mockers here. Any complainers will be added to a special "Dtoid Fanboy Wall of Shame."
Today, we'll be taking a look at the fury and inanity that comes from reviews. This will probably be a common topic, as nothing brings out the rage more than a game not getting 11/10.
Hit the jump to read some good old fanboy ranting!
A Swedish gaming magazine called Level recently reviewed a bunch of upcoming games. We don't speak Swedish. All that matters is that the Swedes use the same numbers that we do, and right next to the Wii-exclusive House of the Dead: Overkill was a big fat "3."
As expected, people immediately got their panties in a twist, and quickly tried to scramble to come up with answers as to how the game could possibly have gotten such a low score. In fact, it's actually not clear if this 3/10 is the official review, a single user's own score, or an aggregate of reader reviews, since no one knows what the hell the magazine actually says. But that didn't stop the commenters from coming out in full force to defend the game.
House of the Dead: Overkill - 3/10
When this news first hit GoNintendo (our favorite Nintendo-focused Web site, by the way) people were flabbergasted. How could this possibly be?! Even the writer of the article himself proclaimed that "there’s no way that can be right." A game that no one has actually played getting a low score? UNFATHOMABLE!
Some people tried to play off that they didn't really want the game anymore anyway, especially after they heard about all the naughty language in the game.
Well it will make my decision that much easier. After hearing Bozon talk about the consistant foul language throughout the entire game, made me reconsider getting it anyway…
However, most people simply couldn't understand. The previews -- like most are -- were so positive!
On InsideGamer.nl (Dutch website) they give it a rather positive impression-review (they don’t do scores with impressions, though), disregarding frame-drops and positioning of the controller ( you don’t aim it at the screen, but rather at the sensor bar according to them, which can be annoying after a reload) but they hope that’ll be fixed since it’s preview code they played.
Previews and hands-ons for this game have all been surprisingly positive. I really doubt this is a taste of the review scores to come.
Pish! It only had a terrible framerate and broken motion controls that might have been fixed in the review copy. That surely couldn't warrant a bad score. The only explanation is that is must have been a mistake! That has to be it! There must have been some sort of crazy error!
What the heck? A 3 seems WAY too low. I mean sure some sources might end up giving the game a 6 perhaps, but a 3? That has to be a typo or something.
Hmm, a typo? That seems like something pretty major that wouldn't slip past the editors. Unless...
Maybe it was an 8, but the magazine was printed in poor quality, so the ink on the left side of the number was worn away, so it looked like a 3?
EUREKA! HE GOT IT! It was really an 8 ALL ALONG, but a crazy printing error just made it LOOK like a 3. Forget that the controls and the framerate were likely terrible; it CLEARLY deserved an 8. Normally, you could just chalk this up to one guy being a bit fanboyish. But the best part of the entire thing is that almost everyone in the comment section takes this guy super seriously and becomes a believer.
I’m with what Burgers [Ed. note: The guy who posted the smudged ink theory] said. Maybe it was an 8 and the ink was just really bad (this sometimes happens with me and Nintendo Power, sometimes the ink seems splattered or colors seem really faded for some reason). That or whoever typed up that entry on that website looked at the wrong game when typing.
Yeah… A 3 is very unlikely. It was likely printed in poor quality as stated before. House of the Dead: Overkill has some of the most impressive visuals on Wii and all the previews as far have been rather positive.
One commenter attempts to tell us why we shouldn't listen to review scores:
I dont listen to the score rate.. They fail big.. They are dumb for rate the score and tell us that its terrible ? Ridiculous. I hate them.. They always rate the score and tell us their opinion. I dont need their opinion… They can just GET LOST and GET OUT! I want this game. They can just GO AWAY!!!
GO AWAY STUPID SWEDISH MAGAZINE WE DIDN'T ACTUALLY READ AND CAN'T UNDERSTAND! WII HATE YOU! (See what I did there?)
I hope this serves as a lesson to foreign game magazines: if you give hyped games bad scores, you will lose DOZENS of potential overseas subscribers who couldn't read your magazine even if they wanted to. Besides, we all know the REAL reason it got such a low score.
Maybe they screwed up and that's really the Dead Rising review. :)
Everyone make sure to email Jonathan Holmes and let him know
Dead Rising for the Wii got a 3/10.
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That concludes today's foray into the world of fanboys. Originally, I was also going to cover the 360 and PS3 fanboy responses to this same magazine giving Killzone 2 an 8/10, but this week's column is already too long as it is. I'll save it for next week ... unless something even better comes along. And, knowing the Internet, something better probably will.
Seen any amazing fanboy comments or flamewars? Send a link to tips@destructoid.com and we'll be sure to take a look.
Contest:
2:20 PM on 01.23.2009
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That made me bust out laughing
If you want real fanboy venom, though, all you need to do is go through some of Mr. Sterling's reviews, specifically the earlier ones. They make me laugh.
Yeah, you guys aren't safe from Fanboy Friday's wrath (not necessarily YOU, but the community and comments). We aren't either -- if someone calls us on it in an article, and they have a point, we'll make the cut. :D
Oh, don't worry. One of the upcoming Fanboy Friday's is going to be an exclusive Dtoid comment edition.
(I do agree that review scores themselves aren't terribly useful, but GO AWAY, DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT GAMES EVER!! isn't much of a solid argument against them.)
Everyone knows reviews are overdone nowadays to either bring down or advertise a game. And we all know games on the Wii are shovelware!
Isnt this like division by zero?
I LOVE IT! Tactix completely approves of this feature!
Fridays are going to be a lot more fun. I look forward to the inevitability of people trying to explain themselves...or the rash of commenter disappearances.
Weeping and gnashing of teeth to ensue...
GoNintendo is a cesspool of biased uninformed opinion of the GameFaqs caliber 95% of the time and I fully support this feature.
Wii is the best!1!!
Yes, this is definitely nothing against the folks that run GoNintendo -- we all love their site!
Calling you Jonathan instead of Aerox is really, really weird for some reason.
I remember the time I became emotionally distraught Rare left Nintendo, and then I realized that feeling that way is emotionally unhealthy. It was a growing experience.
Also, I bet that game is a solid 4-6. For realz.
These games are wholely designed for the arcade and their short length and lack of replay value pretty much seal the deal that they'll always get crappy reviews.
I mean the best aggregate review a House of the Dead title ever recieved is a 77.
Who, nowadays, actually looks at a light gun game and goes "Wow! I bet that's going to be AWESOME!"
I mean come on, if its on the Wii you know its gonna be horrible. I mean its getting to the point where you can do something bad, and say your pullin a Wii. Well maybe not that bad. But fuck im startin it
GoNintendo is absolutely awful. They're always calling someone out for "bashing" any Nintendo product. It's ridiculous.
As far as I'm concerned, GoNintendo and their frivolous posts can go to hell.
Better yet, I should film an "aquantience" of mine, who kicked me out of his house because I said the graphics on a certain PS3 game of his weren't THAT amazing, or who won't pitch in to buy his friend an Xbox game because he doesn't want to support Xbox.
Awesome idea, looking forward to more of this. Fanboys are funny.
I'm the bozo who's still hoping that Dead Rising:Wii is going to be great.
STFUAJPG
3==8
Sure does look like a cock to me!
You should be featured in one of these Fanboy Friday things.