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Fanboy Friday: Dixaxis In Your Arse Edition photo

As I mentioned a few weeks back, Wii owners have been relatively quiet. With the 360 and PS3 fanboys going at each other's throats non-stop, the Wii guys have been able to sit back and enjoy their games without being bothered, and since they've been left alone they haven't been making any noise.

Then The Conduit came out. 

For those who don't know, The Conduit was touted as a Wii game that would break barriers. It would show that the Wii was capable of next-gen graphics. It would show that mature games had a home on the Wii. It would encourage other developers to spend serious time on their games polishing them up and start putting out more quality games on the Wii.

Did it succeed? I don't know - I haven't played it. Judging from the people I've talked to and the reviews I've read, it seems like it's a pretty solid game and worth checking out. But is it the 'savior' of the Wii that many prophesized it would be? Doubtful. (Of course, since from an economic sense Nintendo is winning the console war this generation, there's a question of if the Wii even needs a savior at all.)

As with most games, The Conduit did not get glowing reviews all around. While most places gave it something around an 8, a few publications gave it much lower scores.

Behold the return of the Wii fanboys.

To break it down, 1UP gave the game a C+ (Which translates to 58 on Metacritic for some reason), Gamepro gave it 3.5 stars (70), Gametrailers threw out a 78, and IGN gave it an 8.6 (86).

1UP has a pretty smart system for game reviews, where instead of leaving a comment, you are encouraged to leave your own 'user review'. Because of this, a lot of people don't even seem to bother leaving comments, and the ones who do typically write some pretty well thought out and reasoned things, whether it be agreeances or rebuttals. There are a couple angry comments, but nothing extreme. Consider it a warmup for the chaos that will follow. 

While I agree with a lot of the points you made in your review, I cannot condone the ridiculous score you gave The Conduit!  Seriously?  Only C+?? Here are a list of some of the games you gave higher scores than The Conduit:
*Bully for Wii
*ALL of the Strong Bad Wiiware games
*Endless Ocean
*Worms: A Space Odyssee
*Order Up
*Block Breaker Delux
Cmon! You have to be kidding me!!??!?  Your review score genuinly infuriates me.  You really need to adjust it. This game, at a minimum, deserves a B or a B+. For anyone considering buying the game, I won't bother writing a full review here (I already did one on Amazon.com), but I STRONGLY reccommend that you look to ANY SITE OTHER THAN 1UP for an hones appraisal of this game.  C+ is a ludacris score for The Conduit, and any person who plays Nintendo Wii as their primary game console NEEDS to buy this game.

This review is written like a legal document, cold and unfeeling, to avoid comparison to the dreaded Gamepro review. Yet it obviously comes from the place. Reading this review is like staring into the abyss. It's like for a moment, all light, all happiness, all warmth was sucked out from the room all around me. There was only darkness, despair, and silent negative space.

Really, there's not much outrageous in the 1UP comments, even though they technically gave it the lowest Metacritic score (which is arguable, because I have no idea how a C+ becomes a 58). If you couldn't tell, the Gamepro review is the biggest shit storm, but I'll get to that later.

Let's look at how people responsed to the best score, IGN's 86. As expected, some of the 360 and PS3 fanboys couldn't resist poking their heads in to cause trouble.

wii is for queers

This isn't about them though, this is all about the Wii today. While everyone was a little disappointed that the game didn't get a 10, a couple people were happy that the game they looked forward to got an 8.6/86.

8.6-- not too shabby. i was hoping for an 8.9, but expecting an 8.5, so this aint so bad. 

Some people were really upset that it 'only' got an 8.6/86. Regardless of whether people were happy or pissed, there was really an inordinante amount of focus on the score, which is something we often see in video game reviews - totally arbitrary distinctions between fractions of a point.

should have been 9.0 for graphics not 8 it looks better than a nintendo game. why when 3rd parties have great graphics on wii they get 8s on graphics. Super Mario Galaxy and Metroid Prime 3 got 9.5 on graphics!!!

I am surprised with the 8.5 for graphics and an 8.0 for game play. I know there are other FPS out there (I am an Xbox 360 owner myself) but should this game be compared to other Wii games? Graphicly it looks like it makes the Wii sing like no other Wii game and as far as gameplay the controls and online play look like they are unmatched by any other Wii game. Medal of Honor Heroes 2 got an "8.4 Impressive" and I think this game does alot more to only get an 8.6. I would have thought an 8.9 or 9.0. Oh well.

Only 8.5 for Graphics ? Why I was expecting more like 9.5

I'm pissed that the games not 9.0+. 8.6 is a great score compared to the average ratings, but I still feel like they graded the game to lightly. That they judged this games like a ps3 and an xbox game instead of what the wii can handle. So im not judging this until I get the game.

This is probably the 4th time I'm saying this about the recent string of great wii games, but The Conduit seems to join the crowd of wii games unable to get past that 9.0 mark. I'm not saying an 8.6 is bad, but these new great games just can't be "great" enough to pull ahead of the pack.

This comment illustrates the decline of the American education system.

Yay! If this score was marked in school, it'd just get an 'A' (86%) But any 'A' is a good 'A' which means its definitely worth a buy.

This isn't what you came here to see though. You came to see pure unbridled idiocy. Gentlemen and gentlewomen, may I present to you the comments from Gamepro's review. I would like to point out that, from what I gathered, there are some legitimate criticims of the Gamepro review, as there are with pretty much any review. No review is perfect. These comments are not legitimate criticisms. They're fanboy whining and bitching.

DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS IDIOTS REVIEW. Read IGN's Review if you want a real Review of this game. This guy obviously went in to this game with a bad mood. OMG, he is so completely wrong here. I have been a gamer for over 20 years, and never have I read a review I disagree with More. First off, the Graphics are absolutely STUNNING for a Wii Game. Bump Mapping is present everywhere you look. The Lighting is Next Gen and the Textures are High Res. This is, by far, the best looking Wii game ever made!! He is flat out lying telling you that this game has "Unimpressive Visuals". The controls are also some of the Best I have seen on the Wii, or any shooter. The level of customization that is available to you in real time while you are playing is nothing short of jaw dropping. You can change the size of the dead zone if you wanted, that is how detailed it is. Oh, and the reviewer forgot to mention that you can CUSTOMIZE THE MOTION CONTROLS AS WELL!!!!! If he didnt like how you throw a grenade and how you Melee, he should have taken the time to look at the god damn options in the menu and changed the controls to his liking instead of complaining about them for 2 paragraphs! READ IGN's REVIEW IF YOU WANT A REAL REVIEW!! I own this game, and this guy is completely wrong, and this is the firs time I have ever felt so compelled to go on the comments and write something like this.

What really kills me is the fact that GAMEPRO was one of the many magazine and gaming sites hyping the hell out of this game, and then Tae K. Kim goes and dogs the hell out of this title with a very lackluster review.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA C'MON GAMEPRO!!!!!!!! IS THIS REVIEW A JOKE?????? "the Wii's lack of power doesn't explain the boring story that had me tapping the A button as fast as I could during cutscenes. There's some mumbo jumbo about some shadow organization that's plotting to take over the world using aliens or something; I don't know, it didn't make a lot of sense." WELL OF COURSE IT WOULD NOT MAKE SENSE IF YOU KEPT PRESSING THE A BUTTON TO SKIP THE CUTSCENES!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! AND THEN THE "REVIEWER" SAYS "The funny thing is, after wrestling with the terrible controls for the five hours, thirteen minutes and eleven seconds it took me to beat the game (before you set the Internet aflame over how "short" the game is, I took the most direct route to the end and didn't look for all the secret rooms and discs scattered around -- most of you will probably take a little bit longer)" HAHAHAHAHA DUH!!!!!! OBVIOUSLY!!!!! IF YOU PLAY SUPER MARIO BROS 1 FROM THE NES, YOU CAN BEAT THE GAME IN LIKE 7 MINUTES IF YOU USE "THE MOST DIRECT ROUTE" WITHOUT LOOKING AT ALL THE EXTRAS THE GAME INCLUDES! ALSO, HE ADMITS HE DIDN'T EVEN PLAY THE MULTIPLAYER, HE KEEPS COMPARING THE GAME TO OTHER GAMES (CAN'T GIVE AN OBJECTIVE OPINION JUST BASED ON THE GAME ITSELF?) AND WORST OF ALL... HE STARTS THE REVIEW BY COMPLAINING ABOUT THE Wii IN GENERAL!!!!! C'MON GAMEPRO! AREN'T YOUR WORKERS HAPPY ABOUT WHAT THEY DO? WHY DO YOU MAKE A Wii HATER, REVIEW THE Wii's GAMES?????? I DEMAND A NEW "THE CONDUIT" REVIEW. PS: I LIKE ALL CONSOLES, SO C'MON, DO A GOOD JOB.

I didn't know retards could get jobs in journalism...

LMAO.. Sony fanboy site living in fear of a game so much they have to write a totally bias and completely flawed review...Anyone interested in this game go to IGN for a real review. Not some dribble from a moron. Of course this is just as pathetic as when they post false play time numbers to make their favorite console look like its actually getting played. I mean really faulty controls?It's point and shoot you moron.. If you cant handle that maybe its time to just admit you're not a gamer. Gaymer maybe but one with some seriously physical handicaps... My God my 4 year old can handle point and click but some idiot working as a professional cant?

Same case here kid. Its not opinion. Its bias. No other site ever had any issues with the controls that can be changed more than any other FPS ever. Yet this clown cant pull off point and click... Obviously its just Sonypros way of dealing with the fact that a good game came to Wii and in their usual way they must trash it completely. I'm sure they are throwing a party right now and celebrating by taking turns shoving the dixaxis up each others arses

u no for the 2 years ive been following GamePro i have had a lot of respect for Tae K Kim and Will Herring, my respect for them now??? COMPLETLEY DESTROYED!!!!!!!!!!!! Nintendo Power gave this game an 8/10 and IGN gave it an 8.6, i pre-ordered this game and am expecting it tommorow and ever since i pre ordered it all ive herd is good things about it!!!...hey, heres something that should really piss Gamepro off!!! i was think about getting nintendo power, gamepro, and game informer next year (getting game informer for the first time) and now im getting nintendo power and game informer!!!!!

This review is a piece of garbage, obviously done by an uneducated four year old microsoft fanboy. The game will be great

Let's see how fast he can get a job in a bad economy with a partially completed degree in liberal studies, and work experience consisting of mostly walking around with his dick in his hand... with all due respect to all other fine GamePro staffers.

I truly hope that GamePro consider a retraction for this review, and/or letting Tae Kim go. This is truly the worst piece of journalism I have ever read.

AANTHUNDER...fanboy much?? nintendo power gave it an 8/10. so i guess thats a "piss pore score" huh? i have no idea who the hell wrote this review, but shoot them. this game is amazing. as much as i dislike ign for their lateness on stories and for some of the reviews they give, but they hit this one on the nose. aside from the graphics being amazing, the one thing i have herd about alot is the ability to change controll setting on the go. i love that. im pickey about the controlls in the FPS's i play. regardless of what the reviewer here says, this game is awsome. if you dont have it, kill urself, then get it.

Can gamepro please simply pull this review and retain a SHRED of credibility? If they don't, they'll lose at lose one supporter, for life.

if I was a ceo or an investor or something at sega, I'd be pissed off for paying GamePro to put a banner at the beggining of their homepage, and then give my game an excuse of a "review". I didn't pay a dime for that banner, but I'm a gamer and I DEMAND A REAL REVIEW!!!!!! Millions, literally MILLIONS would be more than glad to have the job this reviewer has, and what does he do? just complain and cry over a good system (Wii), and I like all of them.

This is the WORST review I've seen in my ENTIRE GAMING LIFE. Serious shit there. This guy is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous. 

Well.....I have waited a Full day now and still his superiors have not questioned his review. Even though all the Proof that his review was completely Bias, unprofessional and Lazy is directly in front of them. I guess they are no better at what they do than him. It's so sad when a Boss doesn't have the BALLS to step up to his employee and have them correct their mistakes.

I picked up the game yesterday and IT ROCKS!...You start off right in the action and your guide is non other than KEVIN FREAKING SORBO from Hercules and Andromeda fame and he has not small part. I still have a way to go in the campaign but Kevin is with your just about through out the game. Again that's KEVIN SORBO!

[He] should be fired and be shipped back to whatever country in Asia that dumb motherfucker is from!!!!

While I don't consider Wii gamers to be 'non-gamers', I just want everyone to sit back and soak in the ridiculousness of this comment.

Nobody is going to listen to this PC noob. He should stick to PC games and let the real gamers take care of the consoles. 

The best part of all this? The response from the Gamepro reviewer himself, via Twitter.

Forget words. What i need is one of those Red Faction sledgehammers. And the addresses of everyone who bitches in our comments.

And finally, incredibly rude words of wisdom.

I think the reviewer is right. I mean, if the game is sooooo good, why the fuck aren't you Nintendo fanturds actually playing the game, instead of whining like a bitch on a website.

So what have we learned this week? Wii owners are just as sensitive as 360 and PS3 owners, although they somehow manage to be ridiculous fanboys without calling everyone fags. I guess that's a small plus for them?

See you next week!


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39 comments | showing # 1 to 39

EternalDeathSlayer's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:06
EternalDeathSlayer
That one guy seems extremely excited about Kevin Sorbo.

Sick bastard.
Eschatos's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:09
Eschatos
I think I should stop reading your columns. They're too depressing.
Kris S's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:10
Kris S
It's KEVIN FREAKIN SORBO don't ya know....oh dear
eternalplayer2345's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:10
eternalplayer2345
Yay! If this score was marked in school, it'd just get an 'A' (86%) But any 'A' is a good 'A' which means its definitely worth a buy.

HAHA
Nic128's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:12
Nic128
Kevin Sorbo is awesome.
VGFreak1225's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:15
VGFreak1225
Speaking as a gamer who used to spend a little too much time on the Nintendo side of things, this is just absurd. But I digress. Fanboys, you never cease to disappoint my desire for entertainment.
EternalDeathSlayer's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:15
EternalDeathSlayer
When I was in HS, an A was actually a 93 or above, and a B was an 83 or above.

Yeah, my township was fucking harsh.
DarkTravesty's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:17
DarkTravesty
shit like this makes me just reaffirm my stance on not having any children. also "if you dont have it, kill urself, then get it." how does that work?
PhazonYoshi's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:17
PhazonYoshi
That twitter response is priceless. Good to know reviewers don't let people get them down!
Magnalon's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:18
Magnalon
Wii owners are just as sensitive as 360 and PS3 owners

Haha yep! This was supposed to be their savior game. It doesn't even matter that they haven't played it, because other people are saying "you will hate it!" ;D

@ Eschatos
My common belief is that the majority of Americans are helplessly stupid, so luckily, this weekly article just amuses me. If this is too depressing, read some CNN Entertainment "front page news": get a gun and some bullets ready.
Coltronathon5000's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:19
Coltronathon5000
XD at spelling "ludicrous" like the rapper
RiotMonster's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:21
RiotMonster
KEVIN FREAKING SORBO!!
Daxelman's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:28
Daxelman
Stupid is what stupid gets.


But the real question is this;

Have these people played Let's Catch yet?
Tubatic's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:30
Tubatic
AAANTHUNDER ...

Like you noted, the GamePro review was a little sketch, if only because he takes issue with a praises the controls in the same paragraph.

I imagine reviewing a game that's so customizable is tricky, if not incredibly super rare.

Internets is crazy though.
Discarded Couch Sandwich's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:31
Discarded Couch Sandwich
I feel sorry for the four-year-old of that Gamepro poster...
Jack Maverick's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:32
Jack Maverick
There's something about seeing a bunch of all caps in a very long comment that tickles me greatly. Also, Kevin Sorbo.
HiddenAHB's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:37
HiddenAHB
Pfff...
Hardcore fanboys are WAY more funny.
It looks like there is no savior for the Wii at this moment.
Tubatic's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:39
Tubatic
"regardless of what the reviewer here says, this game is awsome. if you dont have it, kill urself, then get it."

divide by zero
mo0man's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:44
mo0man
Oh Shit Wii Fanboys. I thought they all starved to death way back
ChunkyB's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:45
ChunkyB
Someone should forward this to Kevin Sorbo. I think he'll be happy to know that someone out there still appreciates his unique brand of vocals.
Tino's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:51
Tino
Fanboy Friday is EASILY my favorite Destructoid feature of all time.

You had BETTER not cancel the feature or I will get KEVIN FREAKIN SORBO on your collective asses.
Changston's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:52
Changston
I'm confused. In the Gamepro comments, is that all from one guy or is each paragraph from a different commenter? I'd like to think it's all from one person with multiple personalities that all detest the review.
Havoc Fang's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:52
Havoc Fang
This. Is right up there in the Fanboy Hall Of Fail with Killzone 2 and Halo 3.
bloodylip's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 15:55
bloodylip
Needs more microshitting fagtarts.

@EDS

I think most of the mid-Atlantic/North East school systems are like that. Or were at least.
Jonathan Ross's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 16:03
Jonathan Ross
@Changston

They're all different comments. Everyone uses weird spacing, so I basically mash each individual person's comment together. If there's a line break, it means someone new is posting.
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 16:07
Jim Sterling
I am jealous of the quality of trolls that some people get that I am yet to acquire.

One day ... one day.
Dexter345's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 16:15
Dexter345
"if I was a ceo or an investor or something at sega, I'd be pissed off for paying GamePro to put a banner at the beggining of their homepage, and then give my game an excuse of a "review". I didn't pay a dime for that banner, but I'm a gamer and I DEMAND A REAL REVIEW!!!!!! Millions, literally MILLIONS would be more than glad to have the job this reviewer has, and what does he do? just complain and cry over a good system (Wii), and I like all of them."

This is awful. So, now we as a gaming community should want for advertising money to go toward good reviews? This is quite possibly the stupidest thing I have EVER READ, in my 20 years of reading fanboy comments.
Jonathan Ross's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 16:18
Jonathan Ross
@Dexter

That was my favorite one too.
Magnalon's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 16:20
Magnalon
@Jim
You spawned the best troll quote of all time though!

Cataract's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 16:37
Cataract
This actually gave me a headache. I can't even.....this actually physically hurt me. I think I read too much stupid in one sitting, I need to go read a book to balance everything out.
vexed alex's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 16:39
vexed alex
This is the most offensive Fanboy Friday yet.
brainderailment's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 16:43
brainderailment
"although they somehow manage to be ridiculous fanboys without calling everyone fags."

Implying that the reviewer and the rest of the site staff cram controllers up their "arses" is pretty close imo.
Cadtalfryn's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 17:39
Cadtalfryn
The Gamepro thing was awful, especially once their journalists took the fight to twitter...God, do I hate twitter.

Anyway,
HERCULES IS IN MY FPS! INSTANT WIN! F U GamePro No0bz0rz!
Necros's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 18:32
Necros
"if you dont have it, kill urself, then get it."

wat
rsquad's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 19:27
rsquad
i look forward to this column all week. This is the best gaming blog on the internet, by far.
Zodiac Eclipse's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 20:57
Zodiac Eclipse
I give this weeks article an 86% which thanks to 'No child left behind' seems to equate to an A now. Way to go public education.
DinnertimeNinja's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/26/2009 23:20
DinnertimeNinja
I love how these people are complaining about a C+ (should be 78%) as the worst review ever and then telling people to go read another review that's only separated by 8 percentage points.

It's not like the guy only played it for an hour and gave it a 2.
Batthink's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/27/2009 02:57
Batthink
KEVIN FREAKING SORBO! :OD
grasslunatic's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/27/2009 11:09
grasslunatic
The shit will really hit the fan if anyone gives Mario Galaxy 2 below a 9.
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