God-fearing Web site Every Day Christian has today published a handy little guide for idiotic parents, giving family-focused videogame critic Bob Waliszewski's thumbs-up and thumbs-down on a variety of videogames. Now parents will be able to know which games are suitable for their little cherubs, because Lord knows they can't be expected to think for themselves. Let's take a look at what Bob had to say!
Strangely enough, war-themed videogames are A-OK by Waliszewski's standards, endorsing both Empire: Total War and Tom Clancy's H.A.W.X as completely child-safe games. The lack of blood makes Total War fine, because apparently violence is acceptable if you don't see any red. Wii Music and LittleBigPlanet also score big with Bob.
Naturally, Grand Theft Auto gets a thumbs down, with Chinatown Wars criticized for allowing gamers "to rip the heart of a person in graphic fashion, be exposed to detailed information and glorification of drugs, and the liberal use of cuss words."
It is Fallout 3, however, that has the best summary of all. According to Bob, there is no opportunity for the player to make compassionate choices, instead only choosing to reward players for "pulverizing women and leveling cities with atomic weaponry. It includes upper levels where cannibalism is part of the game." There is no talk of the karma system or ability to save cities from the aforementioned atomic weaponry. Apparently Bob only takes notice when cannibalism's mentioned. He must have a keen interest.
Resident Evil 5 and MadWorld also come under fire, but frankly if you need an online Web guide to find out if any of these games are bad for children, then you are officially a complete moron. The article itself makes excuses for incompetent parents (oh they work so hard, they can't understand game ratings), but it's really not that difficult to work out that a game called Resident Evil may not be suitable for your snot-filled little brat.
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4:30 PM on 01.08.2015