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Are you ever at a party or similar social gathering, and your group of friends is joined by that one guy? Nobody likes him, but everybody seems to know who he is. Somebody invited him, but not one of your friends will own up to it. He's obnoxious, he's annoying, he's oblivious to the sour atmosphere he inspires, and the worst part of it is ... nobody has the balls to tell him he's not welcome.
That's pretty much how I feel about Sony fanboys.
You see, Sony fanboys are the worst ones. Don't get me wrong -- Nintendo fanboys, Microsoft fanboys and PC fanboys each have their irritating quirks and infuriating mannerisms, but the Sony fans truly are the worst of a bad lot. In a barrel full of rotten apples, they are the most putrid, festering, blackened pools of mulch at the bottom. Everybody knows this, but like that one "friend" at the party who everybody is too polite to shun, nobody has dared to tell Sony fanboys that they are truly the pariahs of society and need to stop hanging out with the rest of us.
Fortunately, that's why I'm here. Read on as I present my case, and tell Sony fanboys to get the Hell out of our party.
Rational people who read my work will understand that I criticize Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo with no real preference or "bias." If one of those publishers screws up, I give them the verbal dressing down they deserve. All three of the major platform holders have, at one time or another, been criticized by yours truly. In fact, if you're keeping score, you'll notice that I'm probably more spiteful to Microsoft, since I find their actions the most shameless and despicable, while with Sony it's more frustration and pity.
However, if you listen to the regular crop of Sony loyalists that sometimes invade Destructoid's comment section, you'd think that I was Sony's worst enemy, driven by an unquenchable thirst for the destruction of the PlayStation brand and everybody associated with it. I have often asked myself: Why is it that criticisms of Nintendo and Microsoft do not get met with such hostility? Why do I get called "biased" against Nintendo and Microsoft far less than I do with Sony?
There is only one answer: The Sony Defense Force is by far the most aggressive, the most obnoxious and, of course, the most defensive. Let's look at some evidence.
Third-party exclusivity has been one of the big battlegrounds of this generation. As exclusives outside of first and second party studios become more rare, such elusive gems as Metal Gear Solid and Mass Effect have become more precious than water in a desert. Naturally, the arguments over who has the best exclusives and which games are going multiplatform has been a hot-button issue among gamers.
So, what happens when a previously exclusive game goes multiplatform? Well, if you're a real gamer who gives a shit about a quality game series, you'll be happy that the game is going to be enjoyed by a potentially wider audience. If you're a Sony fanboy, however, you'll form a petition and get incredibly upset like a little bitch.
Devil May Cry 4 is a perfect example. Originally a PS3 exclusive, Capcom made the wise decision to put the game on the XBox 360 as well, and fans were furious. Sony loyalists famously boycotted the game and launched a petition, begging Capcom not to betray them. One fan asked the publisher directly, "What are you thinking, Capcom?" The petition still exists, with 12345 signatures attached.
According to the petition, the PS3 fans "Feel very left out in [Capcom's] decision to make Devil May Cry 4 a Multi-Platform title, and hereby agree to boycott your sale of Capcom affiliated games." Yes, somehow Sony fans felt "left out," as if they somehow weren't getting the game as well. This seems to be a running issue with PS3 fanboys, that if a game goes multiplatform, they somehow act as if they're not going to be able to play it, and many of them choose not to, demonstrating just how much they actually care about playing videogames. To them, this whole thing is a melodrama about loyalty and trust and having publishers bend to their every whim.
Similar issues happened when Square Enix sensationally revealed that Final Fantasy XIII was going multiplatform. In fact, there's a petition still running for that too, though with significantly fewer signatures. When FF XIII was announced for Xbox 360, forums online went apeshit with Sony fanboys declaring Square Enix "traitors" and vowing never to play the game. Never mind being happy that a classic RPG series was potentially going to increase its fanbase, these so-called gamers were more concerned about having an exclusive to brag about online. It's never about gaming with fanboys, it's always about petty point-scoring.
This is true of all fanboys to a degree, not just Sony ones, but so far I've seen very few examples of 360 and Wii loyalists being quite so pathetic as to petition and boycott and whine and cry over a multiplatform game. I did a search and failed to find a petition about BioShock, Castle Crashers, Lost Planet and Dead Rising. Four previously exclusive games, all headed or heading to the PlayStation 3. If such petitions exist, they clearly didn't gain much ground.
Simply put? Xbox 360 fanboys might be dumbasses, but they don't throw little girly tantrums when they "lose" an exclusive. I've certainly seen 360 and Wii fans upset because a game ISN'T coming to their system, but I'm yet to see much evidence of them screaming because a game IS coming to their system and simply happens to be going to another one as well.
In fact, the only evidence I can see of Xbox 360 users getting angry over a multiplatform game are those who felt burned by Tales of Vesperia. Even then, however, the circumstances are different. First of all, the petition came from Japan, where many gamers bought a 360 simply to play Tales, and then felt screwed over when it was announced for PS3, a system they possibly had before they bought a 360. I dare say that many of these people weren't Microsoft fans in the slightest, and were simply angry that they'd wasted money. Secondly, the PS3 version of Vesperia is going to be far superior, which is a clear slap in the face. That's not to say that the petition isn't dumb (if you get screwed by Namco Bandai, that's your own fault), but it fails to be quite as sad as a plea to keep Devil May Cry 4 PS3-exclusive.
The Sony fanboys are always the ones at the heart of controversy. Killzone 2 is another fine example. Do you ever remember a 360 game being completely overshadowed by fanboy hype and review rage? I certainly don't. Killzone 2, however, was thoroughly colored by the furor that surrounded its reviews. Sony loyalists famously raged over one site's 8/10 review score. Positive reviews were criticized just as much as negative ones by the Sony Defense Force, with some fans claiming they could "hear" the bias in Adam Sessler's voice when he gave the game a good video review. Things got so bad that Sessler actually raged against the fans in an edition of Sessler's Soapbox.
It doesn't matter whether or not the fanboys have played, or even like, the games in question. If the game's exclusive to the PS3, you WILL give it a high score or you shall live to see the wrath of enraged Sony fans. The sad thing is, and I don't think the PS3 loyalists realize this, their rage and anger and need to start fights effectively ruin the reputations of the games themselves. As explained, Killzone 2 was completely upstaged by the controversy surrounding it, controversy that developer Guerrilla had itself done nothing to earn. I dread to think how Killzone 2's developers actually felt to see their game become associated with public displays of stupidity and subjected to merciless mockery within the gaming community simply because an insane rabble reduced all discussion of their game to sheer absurdity.
For a more home-grown example, let's look at the notorious Prototype versus inFAMOUS debate. This debate was not about which game was better. Sure, that's how it started, but it somehow managed to turn into yet another battlefield of the console war, through some serious leaps in logic instigated by the Sony crowd. Apparently, if you like Prototype more than inFAMOUS, you like the Xbox 360 more than the PS3. Never mind that out of the two games, only ONE of them is an exclusive title. Our joke article, How Prototype is blatantly better than inFAMOUS, was accused of Xbox 360 fanboyism. Those making such accusations never stopped to consider that Prototype is on the PS3 as well. They simply perceived an attack on their precious PS3 exclusive and jumped to the only conclusion they understand -- ZOMG BIAS!
Yet more evidence comes in the form of three features I wrote over the course of several weeks. Each piece was a criticism of one of the big three platform holders. There is an article about Sony needing to STFU, an article about Nintendo of America needing to STFU and, perhaps the most damning, an article about Microsoft ruining fun for everybody. Can you guess which article sparked the most outrage? No, it wasn't the more damning of the three articles. It was the most reasonable one, the one that supported the PS3 quite heavily and went to great lengths to explain the difference between liking a system while disliking a corporation. In fact, this particular article got people so riled up it inspired Sony fansite PlayStation Lifestyle to respond to the article and dress it down in a the manner you'd expect from a site named after a particular brand.
As a matter of fact, that PlayStation Lifestyle article is not the only fan site to ever respond to my work. PSX Extreme and PSU are among other Sony-oriented blogs that have felt the need to accuse me of "bias" or question me for questioning the unquestionable Sony. So far I am yet to see a Microsoft fan site pull a similar stunt. It simply doesn't seem to happen, does it?
So, what is it about Sony fanboys that makes them more obnoxious? Perhaps it's the way they were raised. Let's face it, most fanboys, no matter their preference, are predominantly teenagers who have had mommy and daddy buy them a games console. If a Sony fanboy got his mother to buy him a $599 PS3, then he is clearly a rather rich teenager. You combine an adolescent with money and what do you get? One irritating little son of a bitch. Conversely, perhaps that kid was poor and spent all his money on a PS3 (which was, when it launched, the most expensive console on the market), and had no more money left to buy another machine, so he clung to his purchase like a limpet and became deranged as he tried to justify the cash he spent.
Maybe it's the fact that Sony was once on top of the mountain in this industry, and the fall from grace has been swift and brutal. The worst thing about being on top is the fall to the bottom, and maybe the transition from PS2 dominance to PS3 heel-dragging has had a damaging effect on the fanboy psyche, leaving them vulnerable and insecure. Maybe fanboys are suffering from a severe case of paranoid delusion, brought about by denial that the PS3 is in third place when once Sony was leading the charge.
Or perhaps they just have tiny penises. Who knows?
Whatever the reason, it's true. Sony fanboys are by far the worst of the gaming worst. Your PC obsessives are arrogant, your Xbox 360 obsessives are ignorant, and your Wii obsessives subscribe to some creepy cult of personality, but its the lunatics who champion Sony that truly rule the realm of fanboyism with an iron fist. They're childish, selfish, petulant, and possess a bizarre victim complex where everything is always about how biased people are and every offhand comment, every joke, every observation must be taken personally. They seem to believe in a conspiracy theory they've concocted where reviewers and the gaming media have it out for Sony, pursuing a personal vendetta for no reason whatsoever. They have never once considered what a reviewer would actually get out of pursuing petty grudges against Sony, or why anybody actually cares that much. The only people who care about "bias" against Sony are the Sony fanboys themselves. It's all in their head.
Case in point: We at Destructoid have often been accused of "anti-Sony" behavior, but did you know we actually have quite a good relationship with the company? Even I know and get along with a few people at the publisher, and they have never once treated us badly for our editorial content. If we were as bad as the Sony fanboys said we were, would Sony deal with us? No, they wouldn't. The thing is, Sony loyalists care more about this shit than Sony itself does, and that truly is fucking pitiful. Their toadying and lickspittling isn't even acknowledged by the God they revere. How utterly miserable their lives must be.
I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, and if you're reading this and are currently angry or offended by any of the statements, you're only going to prove just how correct I am.
We played Binding of Isaac: Rebirth because we haven't had a good cry in a while
7:00 PM on 11.19.2014