A crate did the job of my floor mat this afternoon when I found one sitting in front of my door after having spent an hour or two outside of The Fortress of Metal (aka Nicholson HQ). Thinking bomb, I didn’t mess with it, opting instead to walk around the massive wooden box to get into my apartment. A few minutes later, I came to realize it was probably videogame swag -- something I need to get in the habit of reporting to the FTC like a good little American.

So with jaw clenched and a hockey mask for protection, I ventured outside to have a proper look at the obstruction. It smelled like cedar, which I took as a good thing. Explosive devices, I’ve been told, smell like burnt toast or Nick Chester after a few hours of vigorous Rock Band play. Thus, I brought it into the apartment and took out the nails by hand and teeth.

Well, what did I find?

Plush Squeeballs. Lots of plush Squeeballs.

Squeeballs is an IP associated with Performance Designed Products. Specifically, the game has close connections to the GameTrak Freedom, PDP’s darling Xbox 360 motion control device.  

At E3 09, I had the opportunity to play with the Freedom and Squeeballs. The device is much like a Wii Remote with a bit of extra oomph to it. The game is a party title with a ton of mini-games for use with the device.

I was told at the event that the controller would ship with the game in a bundle.

But Squeeballs isn’t just an Xbox 360 title. I found a copy of the Wii version of Squeeballs, called Squeeballs Party, buried underneath the plush stuff.

With the breakable item removed, I decided to allow my 16-lbs cat explore the new stimuli introduced into the environment. Hannibal likes new things, but she doesn’t like holes. She tends to get stuck in them. So like a good owner, I decided to take the Squeeballs to her, putting them out one by one. After a few hisses and a couple of swipes, Hannibal the Mighty bolted to the safety of the underside of the couch.

Her squished back legs protrude from the bottom when she does this.

So, fact: cats don't like Squeeballs. Also, I received some swag.