You heard it here first -- only on FoxToid. Joe Musashi, lead in Sega's Shinobi series of videogames, and Ryu Hayabusa, protagonist of Tecmo's Ninja Gaiden series are both living a lie. Neither have undergone Ninjitsu training.

"I tried to go on as long as I could," said Hayabusa, who also stars in other Tecmo titles, like fighter Dead or Alive. "You can only live a lie for so long, and it was only a matter of time before I was found out."

We caught Hayabusa last week while was working a part-time job at the Alexandria, Louisiana Corn Dog 7 location. He was a bit difficult to recognize in his rainbow colored apron and hat.

"They contacted me in the late 1980's to be the image person for their games," Hayabusa admits. "They had some kooky weaboo-ish ninja wannabe they wanted to use for the real action stuff, but they needed a Japanese face for the covers and whatnot. I was poor and needed the money -- what can you do?"

Hayabusa admits that he has been accepting money from Tecmo for some years to keep quiet about this situation. He also adds that the Dead or Alive girls are genuinely "stacked like that" and he regrets fondling Kasumi at a company mixer last fall. He wishes she would answer his calls.

While Shinobi star Joe Musashi wouldn't speak with FoxToid, his long-time neighbor gave us the real details on his life.

"He's one of them sickos, you know," says neighbor/pop star Hannah Montana. "I always catch him looking in my windows. Oh, and he also reads those videogame Web sites and has a beer gut. One time I saw him hanging from his ceiling upside-down while watching one of those porno cartoons. I think he's registered as a sex offender in our city." 

Legacy Comments (will be imported soon)

brosef

How many corn dogs must die?

Red TheHaze Veron

I knew it was all wires and stunt doubles. Not like a real ninja like me. All my info is in my C-Blog.

Justice

I blame Hannah Montana for taking sub-revealing photos of herself. White women have ruined every good non-white man.
DAMN YOU ELLEN DE GENERES!

MaxVest

Corn dog shurikens ensure a swift yet delicious death.

glipe

It's a ninja trick!! They say this, then when they appear behind you to slit your throat they can laugh! THEY'RE NINJAS ON APRIL FOOLS DAY!!!! =O

Aaron Mxy Yost

Next you'll be telling us that Johnny Depp isn't actually a pirate.

Maurice Tan

Ninjas? I'd spit on them if I saw one.

MrSadistic

Wow, I think Ryu just earned his "certified dick" badge.

Teta

Secreter corn dog multiplication yan ken po ninja techinic attack.
HUZAAAAH!

13thDragon

Holy crap, he works here in Louisiana? I had no idea!!

Topher Cantler

Surely you would not spy Geraldo Beedog pretending to be a ninja beedog. Geraldo Beedog was a REAL ninja, and carried out many noble tasks during the reign of the evil marshmallow peep dynasty.

king3vbo

Dang, Ryu is kind of a dick

Ogu

True Ninjas wouldn't sell out to videogames.

AgentMOO

Agent MOO exclusive interview


In this life-shattering interview, Ryu alleges "Ding, fries are done!"

adultswim810

how dar u insult hanna montana!!




would be the response of every girl in my school, and my sister... -_-

tkyy

Ha! Caught you!

Ryu Hayabusa is totally lying. He is the real ninja with a disguise!
Don't forget what day it is.

tkyy

Ha! Caught you!

Ryu Hayabusa is totally lying. He is the real ninja with a disguise!
Don't forget what day it is.

Sharpless

As a practitioner of these arts, I am offended by their actions.

NegFactor

MatlockFactor is on the case!

Hannah Montana states that she saw Musashi hanging upside-down from a ceiling while watching porno cartoons. She also states that Musashi has a beer gut. Everybody knows there are no such things as fat ninjas and that fat people cannot hang upside-down from ceilings. But if he was watching porno cartoons, the only way she could possibly know would be if SHE WAS WATCHING HIM WATCH THOSE CARTOONS. Stalker.

Hannah Montana, are you taking notes behind Musashi's back? The real scandal is clearly you!

Bob Muir

Of course they're not ninjas, you wouldn't be able to see them on the screen.

HarassmentPanda

Ninja is about what's on the inside, not formal training.