ESRB: Muscle March has FLEXED GLUTEUS!

9:00 PM on 01.04.2010   |   Jim Sterling

24 comments

What? YES! 

The ESRB has returned for another year of hilarious videogame ratings, and first up on the block is hilarious Wii game Muscle March. To celebrate the North American release of this most fabulous title, the rating board has brought back a classic phrase -- flexed gluteus!

First witnessed in the ESRB's summary of Super Street Fighter IV, the term "flexed gluteus" is the greatest term ever coined. As always, the ESRB is on hand to point out anything even vaguely sexual in Muscle March, making sure that kids won't watch it and instantly turn into an army of 45-year-old rapists. 

Here's what the ESRB has to say:

Bodybuilders dressed in super-tight Speedos chase down a "protein thief" through cities, villages, and space in this whimsical puzzle-action game. Pedestrians, straphangers, school teachers, farmers, police officers, and librarians are fully clothed as they go about their business; the bodybuilders -- not so much. Players must perform correct poses to fit through dozens of holes-in-walls created by the fleeing thief. If players do not pose correctly while running, their muscle men (and one woman) will crash through the walls and lose their stamina. Losing stamina means collapsing to the ground face-first, buttocks-last (flexed gluteus facing the screen). It may also mean that between stages, the happy bodybuilders can dance together in space, throw rocks by the riverside, or flex their pectorales major on menu screens (the lone female bodybuilder flexes her chest muscles, too). But the running gag in the game is the odd juxtaposition of traipsing bodybuilders, scantily clad, with the fully clothed working city dwellers -- librarians’ eyes agape at seeing their reference sections destroyed by the Posing Ones.

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Please never change a thing about these, ESRB. 

Muscle March, As Described By The ESRB [Siliconera]