Destructoid reviews games. The Darkness is a game. So we reviewed it. And, all things considered, it probably wouldn't kill you to read it.

Within this hallowed post, you'll find the opinions of Nick "Brutal" Chester, Alan "Gamboi" Johnson, and myself as we dissect the latest game from Starbreeze studios in an effort to help you, the reader, decide whether or not it's worth your time.

Are you a bad enough dude to read about Nick harping on Darkling A.I., to see Gameboi gush about the achievements, and to witness as I give the single lowest review score I've ever awarded?

If so, then hit the jump. If not, you can leave. Your kind is not welcome here.

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To anybody familiar with Singapore law, it should come as no surprise that The Darkness has now been banned from the country's shelves. For 'excessive violence,' the thought police of Singapore have issued a big 'DO NOT WANT' to 2K's comic book adaptation where you can eat hearts and command slithering blackness. I'm sure the developers are weeping bitterly over losing such a vibrant and open market as Singapore's, where games flow like candy ... haha, sorry, I almost threw up with the sheer force of sarcasm there. 

The Darkness is just one in a long line of titles that Singapore has banned, with rumors that Bioshock is next. This is the part where the entire games industry should pretend the damn country doesn't exist. Why bother dealing with a place that outlaws oral sex anyway? I hereby ban Singapore and its anti-fun ways from the rest of humanity!

[Thanks to Joe Burling. He is banned from not being awesome]

In the most recent act of censorship in a long line of many, The Darkness has now attracted the evil eye from German officials -- who demand that a few "changes" need to be made before Take-Two can have any hopes of releasing the game on the land that Hitler soiled. So what appears to be the hold up? Well my pretties, it seems that two things: The appearance of Nazi symbols (which I haven't noticed in the game), and those gory finishing moves that make this game shine.

The Nazi symbols will of course be removed, and the current finishing move of having "Darklings" feasting on the hearts of enemies will be replaced with, get this, a yellowish-green-fog representing soul absorption instead. Did anyone else just smack themselves in the head out of frustration right now?

Anyway, the release date has been pushed back until July 27th, so that Take-Two can sanitize the game for those overly sensitive German folks. However, if you happen to live in the United States or the jolly old UK, you're laughing to yourself, and enjoying this fine game for what it is -- a horror game. I can only wonder if they are allowed to play Mortal Kombat over there.

[Via Gamesindustrybiz]

This was a tough call, folks. Picking winners out of a pool of over 100 amazing entries is no small task. Around here, we're not used to making big, important decisions. We're Destructoid, the videogame Web site that let one of its writers give Twilight Princess a four out of ten based on the results of a drunken seance involving a Ouija board and the spirit of Anne Ramsey*.

But a choice had to be made tonight, and it certainly wasn't easy. Hit the jump to find out of the winners of Destructoid and 2K Game's "The Darkness: Create your own Darkling" contest.

^{* That wasn't actually the case. Anne Ramsey's ghost knows absolutely nothing about videogames.} 

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If you've been sitting on a submission for the Destructoid/2K Games The Darkness giveaway contest, the clock's ticking. The contest ends this evening, which means (at the time of this writing), there are only a handful of hours left. I'd do the math, but that would hurt my brain ...

We've already had some great entries, so bring you're going to have to bring your A-game in these final hours.

Head on over to the original post to find out how you can get involved and win a copy of The Darkness!

As promised, 2K Games and Destructoid are teaming up to give our readers a chance to win a copy of the upcoming PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 title, The Darkness.

The Darkness features a variety of Darklings, the demonic imps that will do the bidding of the game's main character, Jackie Estacado. In the game you'll see some wielding jack hammers or saws, and others wearing army fatigues; there's even an unlockable 2K Sports jersey outfit for your in-game Darklings. 

Entering to win is simple -- we want you to create your very own Darkling. We're giving you a naked, hammer-wielding Darkling to get you started, but don't let that stifle your creativity. Photoshop the image we've provided, find your own, or if you're feeling saucy, draw your own.

There's no limit to what you can do -- it can be Destructoid related, it can be funny, it can be serious ... go wild.

1st Prize
A copy of The Darkness (PlayStation 3 or Xbox 360)
A special edition The Darkness comic book

2nd Place
A copy of The Darkness (PlayStation 3 or Xbox 360)

3rd Place
A special edition The Darkness comic book

Teh Rul3Z:

- The image should be posted in the comments section of this post.
- The image should be no wider than 550 pixels.
- Make sure your image is safe for work. Kids and CEOs read Destructoid.
- We will stop accepting entries on Sunday, June 24th. Winners will be announced on the evening of Monday, June 25th.

Good luck, and make us proud!

With the release of The Darkness right around the corner, 2K Games is ramping up the hype train by sending some new screenshots our way. If you're not already burnt out on all of our coverage, these violent images will be right up your twisted alley.

Me, I couldn't be more excited to get my hands on The Darkness. For Destructoid readers who are just as stoked about the game as I am, we've got some good news. Over the next few days, keep your eyes peeled for a special contest, as 2K Games and Destructoid are teaming up to get some cool stuff into the hands of our readers.

I'm just going to leave you with one question to ponder: does my Darkling look fat in these pants?

 

Singer/songwriter Mike Patton's been on the music scene for awhile, and to say the man has made a name for himself is an understatement. Since first "breaking onto the scene" with Faith No More in the early 90s, Patton has consistently challenged and reinvented himself as a musician, with projects ranging from noise collaborations with avante-garde composer, John Zorn, to the "ghetto-tech" stylings of Peeping Tom.

To some, he's reached an almost God-like status, with fans rabid enough to not only follow his work across a countless number of projects, but to discuss things like what hair gel the man uses. To others, he's simply admired for his versatile and chameleon-like ability to manipulate his voice across a wide variety of vocal styles. No doubt, the guy's got chops.

The developer of The Darkness, Starbreeze Studios, seem to agree. For their upcoming title (set to hit shelves this month), the developer tapped Mike Patton to channel the voice of Mafia hitman Jackie Estacado's inner demon, the Darkness. Destructoid had a chance to catch up with Patton to talk about his involvement with the project, his could-have-been involvement with Rockstar's Bully, zombie sounds, and Britney Spear's secret ability.

(Photos credits: Frame26, Ipecac Recordings, and some guy named Nick Chester)

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