If I were intelligent, I'd be able to write something clever and entertaining here. Sadly, I do not resemble anything remotely close to that, so please bare with me.  As you know, I'm Dtoid's video czar and run Dtoid's Youtube channel: a place with a draconian music uploading terms of service.  YouTube basically warns that should I dare drop a commercial song byte into my videos (remixed or otherwise) a thousand harpies will come crashing through the windows and claw at my genitalia.

That said, I'd like to take a moment to thank Music Is A Weapon for lending us their song "1968, the 2-bit hustler" for our E3 videos and causing us to collectively shit bricks by sneaking the image of Mr. Destructoid on the album cover. Shortly after we celebrated the album release over screams, I shot them a music video, one thing led to another, and I somehow woke up naked and cold at my desk with some swag to give away. 

Want a free copy of the album? See if you can spot Mr. Destructoid in the video. Be the first three to pinpoint his location in the comments and we'll get the CD out to you. Good luck!

Buttons are so yesterday. One thing that appeared in Fight Night Round 3 but didn’t carry over to Fight Night Round 4 is the ability to punch with buttons. The move, of course, was the subject of many message board disputes: some people aren’t buying with the revolutionary “Fight Stick” design is selling. But know this -- Electronic Arts is aware of the frustration and has at least floated the idea of adding button punch controls ... as downloadable content.

“There is no option for face button punching in the final version, but we are investigating providing the option via DLC,” Fight Night Round 4 producer Brian Hayes said in an interview with IGN.

Oddly enough, the lack button controls haven’t slowed down the punch pace. If you’re adventurous, try to play a match online. If you fight a person not going the “run away and throw a haymaker every four seconds” route, chances are you’ll fight a pugilist spamming the stick as if it were buttons anyway. We dread this sort of cheap downloadable content like no tomorrow, but at least the effects will (probably) be minimal.

[via Kotaku]

While most gamers were blowing their loads over Metroid: Other M, debating the merits of the PSPgo or getting creeped out by Milo, industry analyst and crazy soothsayer Michael Pachter has held up the long-forgotten announcement of Last.fm and Twitter on Xbox Live as E3's biggest announcement.

"The announcement that I thought was missed was the opening of the Xbox Live Dashboard interface to the Internet," says Pachter. "Admittedly, the selection is limited to these four sites [Twitter, Last.fm, Facebook & Netflix], but it's a start, and is a glimpse into the future of the Xbox 360 as a home media/Internet hub.

"I think that this announcement was far and away the most important one of the show, and think that the media completely missed its importance."

Pachter believes that Microsoft is hoping to turn the Xbox 360 into a "functioning computer that just happens to be located in the living room and connected to the television," giving it a "huge start" over rival Apple and its AppleTV plans.

It actually was a pretty big announcement, especially with regards to how big Twitter and Facebook are. Microsoft now gets to boast about having access to two of the most popular sites online, even though the Wii and PS3 can access every single site in existence thanks to a built-in browser. It's funny how Microsoft can pull that off convincingly.

Hey, remember Backbreaker? You know, that other football game that was announced forever ago -- the one that runs on the Euphoria engine, the one we’ve seen neither hide nor hair of in more than a year? Well, contrary to popular opinion, it isn’t vaporware. The game most definitely exists -- in fact, I spent about 45 minutes checking it out during E3, and boy, do I have a lot to tell you about it.

Hit the jump, where you’ll find the first official gameplay trailer for Backbreaker -- along with my words about the game that you can read with your eyes and comprehend with your brains. There are also six new screenshots in the gallery below!

I was looking forward to WayForward's remake of A Boy And His Blob the moment I heard it announced, but I had no idea what I was really going to see until I actually witnessed the game in action. During our recent visit to the WayForward offices during E3, Director Sean Velasco took the time to walk us through all four of the levels in the E3 demo, including the Forest, Swamp, Cave and Gearworks levels.

We'll show you all four walkthroughs over the next four days, but for now you can hit the jump and watch Sean walk us through the Forest level. Prepare yourself, because once you see your very first Boy/Blob hug, you may be enamored to the point of no return. If you like what you see, tune back in tomorrow afternoon for our exploration of the Swamps level!

Heavy Rain wasn't on the E3 show floor proper, but we did have access to the game in the closed-off "upstairs" area of the Sony booth. This area was guarded by men in sunglasses and dark suits with earpieces. No, seriously. You had to have a special pass to even access the area. And what were they hiding up there besides games? Lots of bottled water? Fruit snack bars?

Also hiding up there was Sony's Peter Piaseckyj, who was kind enough to show us their anticipated psychological thriller, Quantic Dream's Heavy Rain. We talked to him about the game's branching storylines and unconventional control scheme. Given how these work together, we wondered about the game's total play length. While Piaseckyj couldn't lock down anything solid, he did say that it would be about 8-12 hours long if you'd play it "normally." While that may not sound long, he said that you could play the game multiple times and see different scenarios and outcomes each time.

Most interesting to me was the fact that your character could die, but the game would continue. I guess it's just one of those things you'd have to see first-hand to understand. In the scenario we played, dying seemed easy. It's just that we didn't get to see past that. I can't wait to spend more quality time with Heavy Rain.

Here it is, my last E3 09 video, and there's no game I'd rather go out with than Bit.Trip Core. In this, the final part of a three part series, we hear about the chances of the Bit.Trip series to come to other consoles (including the DSi), how Bit.Trip Beat has sold so far, why the men of Gaijin Games will likely never go retail, and what games turn them on.

My voice cracks a bit at the end of the interview. Second puberty is a real bitch, one they don't tell you about in health class. Hit the jump and hear for yourself. 

Having seen it behind-closed-doors a few months prior to E3, I was really looking forward to getting my feet on Robomodo's Tony Hawk Ride when I hit the Los Angeles Convention Center a few weeks back.

Designed entirely around a board peripheral, Ride is unique in that it eschews the traditional controller entirely. It may be one of the first videogames to truly replicate the real-life experience its based on. Which may be why I was absolutely terrible at it in my first few tries on one of Ride's practice/tutorial areas. Getting accustomed to standing on the board and finding my balance was a bit of a challenge. 

My lack of real-world skateboarding knowledge made the controller-to-board transition more difficult than, say, the guitar-to-plastic guitar transition of Guitar Hero; as a self taught guitar player, the frets and neck instantly felt natural (albeit slightly alien at first). The board is unknown territory for me, and for many gamers, I'm sure. But it might have just been me; many people I talked to at E3 picked up on the game's controls almost instantly.

When the game ships later this year, I vow that I will "get it," no matter how worn out my legs become. Yes, Tony Hawk Ride is one hell of a work out.

Robomodo's President Josh Tsui took time to chat with us about Tony Hawk Ride, to show us the final board peripheral, and revealed that players would encounter a big robot towards the game's finale. Hit the jump to get a look at the board, the game, and more.

In this, the second of a three part series, we delve deep into what it takes to program the Bit.Trip games, the research behind the design of Commander Video (the series' main character) and how Bit.Trip Core's bosses will differ from those of it's prequel. You also get to see one of the bosses in action, something I haven't seen anywhere else.

Just watching this video has me all freaked out again. The Bit.Trip series has a way of putting you in a very particular kind of panic, one that usually snowballs into a full blown freak-out. They also have a way of putting you in a type of trance that allows you to completely block out the rest of the world. That's when you're doing well. When you screw up, it's cause for a complete nervous breakdown. 

Here I am, rambling on again about my love of Bit.Trip. Sorry. Please, hit the jump and let the guys from Gaijin Games explain their work for themselves.

Gaijin Games (of Bit.Trip Beat and the upcoming Bit.Trip Core) is the videogame developer you want to work for. In talking to the guys at this year's E3, I really got the sense that they were all equal partners in the pursuit of creating games that weren't about making money or appeasing any one audience, but were rather solely focused on doing what they want to do. After enduring all the wanna-be-action-movie games, soulless marketing ploys and ingenue garbage that comes from being at a massive trade show like E3, my time with the guys from Gaijin was a huge breath of fresh air. These guys make videogames because they love videogames, and that's it. For that reason alone, they are a team you should keep an eye on. 

Hit the jump for first of three Gaijin Games interviews where we get inside info on the storyline of the Bit.Trip series, how to play Bit.Trip Core like a pro, and the origins of Core's unique play style. 

I'd just like to announce that I knew it was a fake from the start (or really quickly) and have documented proof of this fact. That being said, EA's PR stunt at E3 in which they got a group of people to protest outside the LA Convention Center and hand out pamphlets directing people to WeAreSavedGroup.org in order to protest EA's upcoming game Dante's Inferno was a stroke of genius. You can call it dumb, or cheap or dirty, but the fact remains that it got them a crap ton of press in both the gaming world and the mainstream, and fooled a whole lot of people -- whether they admit to be fooled or not. Sounds like a successful PR stunt to me.

Success or not, it appears that it has riled a few more feathers (and kept working as Dante's Inferno is once again in the news). Like Pavlovian dogs trained to raise their head if someone mocks an aspect of Christianity some Christians were offended. "It's been clear for a while now that the entertainment industry views Christians on the whole as priggish, thin-skinned fun-killers," Margaret Cabaniss wrote at InsideCatholic.com, impressively proving the exact opposite of the point she is trying to make in only one sentence.

She's not alone in her ability to present an ironic statement about how Christians are actaully hip and with it when it comes to gaming, which in fact most are, I'm sure. Catholic Video Gamers (who don't know that God spells it "videogame'') had a few choice words to say too, culminating in, "So instead of engaging in a shamelessly anti-Christian stunt to promote your poor excuse of a product, maybe you ought to work on making this game, you know, something better than a blatant God of War rip-off and make it, ya know, something worthwhile?" Yea, I've met EA's PR guys and, no offense, they'd suck at making a videogame. This was a much better and highly succesful use of their time and energy.

Lips flap a lot at E3. After all everyone is there to make a splash. Remember when Dan Greenawalt, Forza 3's creative director, mentioned once or twice that Forza 3 was going to be the definitive racing game of this generation? He might have dropped that phrase a few times here and there. Clearly his incessant claim was meant to be a subtle swipe at Gran Turismo, but Greenwalt doesn't play subtle. According to him Gran Turismo has not been living up to what it should be.

During E3 Greenwalt let the jab out while showing off some of Forza 3's new features like the rewind option. After discussing how Gran Turismo creator Kazunori Yamauchi influenced him greatly in becoming passionate about cars Greenwalt went on to say that Gran Turismo had "dropped the ball," but that Forza 3 was here to "pick it up." Boom! Greenwalt steps it up.

We've all seen the stunning trailer for Froza 3, but who thinks it's really going to replace the epic realism of Gran Turismo. If you ask me they're both great racing games, but Forza is geared far more towards the arcade/real racer while Gran Turismo is gearted towards solely the real racer. I mean look at the car flipping in the Forza trailer, I don't think Gran Turismo was ever about doing stuff like that. 

Twitter, the nascent microblogging service that’s the new hotness for social networking (MySpace is so 2006), has had numerous ancillary sites spring up around it. This ranges from the statistically-oriented (TweetStats) to the utility-based (Twitpic) to the technically-sociological-I-guess (Cursebird).

But there’s a new site on the scene, and it’s designed for gaming fans. Tweet My Gaming, brought to you by the folks behind GamerDNA, is a stroke of genius. People love visual representations of stuff, because they make it very easy to follow and understand trends. Tweet My Gaming takes a massive amount of raw data -- i.e., the world’s tweets about videogames -- and presents it in a manner that allows you to see the videogame conversation on Twitter in real time.

I recently had the chance to speak with GamerDNA’s Community Manager, Sam Houston (@samhouston), to find out more about Tweet My Gaming. If you’re interested, read on.

We're back with our second part of the Destructoid editors' post-E3 interview. Yesterday we talked to the staff about how they thought they fared at E3 this year, as well as how successful they thought E3's big comeback was. First-timers gave their initial reactions while veterans touched on the changes. They all also touched on how they thought E3 could be improved for 2010.

In this part, the editors talk about their lessons learned from this event. They will also explore how teamwork helped them through the week, and then close with their plans for next year's events.

Read on for part two of our two-part interview with Destructoid's editors on E3 2009.