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EGM gives Elebits a 4, eats kittens for breakfast photo

Now that you've all had a chance to hate us over a certain recently-posted review, I thought I'd show some similar love for our brothers-in-arms over at EGM, who recently gave Elebits -- currently, my favorite reason to own a Wii -- scores of 4, 4.5, and 7. For those not hip to EGM's score breakdown, 4 means bad, as you'll note in this scan of the review.

Lots of you didn't dig the score that the good Reverend gave Zelda. I can't say I agreed either -- I was the sap that gave it an 8.5, and even that was probably displeasing to a lot of Zelda fans. 8.5, though, doesn't mean unplayable. It doesn't even mean not good. What 8.5 means, for me, is great but certainly not perfect. It means "room for improvement". 4, on the other hand, means bad, which Elebits ain't. As per usual, my best evidence for this is Summa, who despite an otherworldly hatred for all things Nintendo found it in his wooden heart to embrace and enjoy Elebits. Two of three EGM editors reviewing the game, however, have labelled it "bad".

To put some perspective on the issue, EGM's average for Elebits (around 5.2) set the game alongside the likes of Happy Feet, Cars, and The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. The evidence is stacked up against you, EGM, and there is only one conclusion I can draw from it: one or more of you is friggin' lying.

More angry stamping of feet after the jump.

Look here, EGM: Elebits is not a port, or the latest license churn-out. It's not a slightly tweaked and barely revamped title that was already fine on a last-gen system, either. It's a solid, fun, creative game that really shows what the Wii is capable of, moreso than any of the other titles currently on the market. Were it available at launch, it would've been a better first-buy than Zelda, because it's a game that, honestly and truly, simply couldn't be on any other system.

You're familiar, I'm sure, with the growing trend of writers lambasting otherwise decent titles with horrible scores. Even if they're entirely honest, they still bring in scores of angry readership, like you, or yours truly in this case. I'm all for telling it like it is, and I'll sing Rev Anthony's praises for his unabashed honesty 'til the day one of you clubs him to death with a baguette, but his write-up ain't going to hurt Zelda's sales. Crapping all over Elebits, on the other hand, just might kill what momentum it's got going, and I'd call that irresponsible. It's a shame, especially when one considers just how awesome Elebits really is. Flawed? Yeah. But not bad.

Don't buy ports, don't waste time with crap games, and don't listen to EGM on this one. Trust me. Elebits is worth your money and perhaps one of the best experiences currently available for the Wii. Buy it and send a message to developers and publishers alike that we won't stand for ports of pre-existing titles with dumbed-down gameplay mechanics, crap graphics, and gimped multiplayer. Wii is a tradeoff: less horsepower, more gameplay. Elebits is perhaps the first manifestation of this implicit agreement. Let's hope for more.

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41 comments | showing # 1 to 41
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LarkOhiya's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 08:59
LarkOhiya
Prepair for Elebits TV shows in the future! screw you Viva pin NOTa. yeah I went there.
zsavior's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 09:29
zsavior
I haven't played Elbits myself so I can't say what it deserves, but truthfully how many people can say they actually trust the people in the videogame industry to give them a good view on games? The sheer fact nobody is buying these magazines anymore shows you that people don't find their words valueable enough to save and subscribe to. Elebits might be a bad game might be a good one, in either event there is no way I was listening to any gaming personal on how good or bad it was. I don't trust people that preview these games months a head of time, and give it rave ratings while sitting right there. Game company then gives demos, still giving good reviews, yet all of a sudden when the game comes out and the market can see it is crap they rip it apart and act like they were always giving a unbiased opinion.

My basic reaction to game critics is this, would you listen to a hooker on how to keep a loving monogamous relationship alive? Sure they have had alot of sex doesn't mean they know crap about making somebody happy. Same damn thing with gaming media, sure they play alot of games, doesn't mean their knowledge is actually helpfull or unbiased. Most of the time they really can't afford to be unbiased, or truthfull, you just don't get into Private Sony or MS events by being a no holds barred hard nose journalist! They already only come out once a month, now imagine said people supplying the games give them the finger, would they ever be able to test it?

So whether elebits is a 3 or a 10 I would have to find out on my own anyway. I just can't listen to the same industry people who give games like SHadow of the Colosus basic sevens and eights and GTA3 nines and tens, but then when they see the fan reaction to it, they act as if it was their favorite game ever. If it was their favorite game, why didn't they have the freedom to say so? And if it wasn't why portray it as if it is now.
icarus's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 10:03
icarus
I would hate to be EGM when Summa comes knocking at their door.
Dan's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 10:10
Dan
I have not played this game yet, but I plan on getting it.

so far the average for elebits is 78% on game rankings it looks like egm is up its ass.

personally i think they masturbate while eating kittens
Topher Cantler's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 10:13
Topher Cantler
BOO! Burn them!
I thought GameInformer's score of 7 was bad enough. Good thing I got it before I read any of these crappy reviews.
It gets a 9.5 at the very least from me.
kevinski's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 10:15
kevinski
I probably wouldn't buy the game, personally, but I doubt that it's deserving of a 4 or 4.5. I mean, one of the reviewers obviously felt that it was good enough to deserve a 7, so it can't be that bad.
antivert's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 10:29
antivert
SO getting this game.
Holyetheline's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 10:54
Holyetheline
Good thing I only listen to Destructoid (and sometimes IGN.com).... If I didn't then I'd be missing out on a really great game. Elebits is amazing and those fags just don't know what they're talking about. Makes me sick. So yeah... thankyou Destructoid for never lying to me or steering me wrong. <3<3<3!!!
Ballistic90's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 11:06
Ballistic90
It's like they need to fill a quota of bad reviews or something.
Jordan Devore's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 11:39
Jordan Devore
And now Far Cry Wii just got a 4 from IGN.
DeusPayne's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 12:11
DeusPayne
Ya, I saw the 4 for Far Cry. The graphics are pretty godawefully terrible. But the gameplay is pretty sweet. I just wish the Elebits camera movement was adopted in all FPSs.
DeusPayne's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 12:12
DeusPayne
PS: I got both Elebits and Far Cry on release day, and I've put in a solid 10x the time in Elebits than I have Far Cry. It's that much better.
Pepillou2's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 12:13
Pepillou2
That's why i don't trust ANY scores.... i just read reviews and watch videos
RobTurboGA's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 12:20
RobTurboGA
It's been a bad week for Wii game reviews.

I haven't played Elebits, so I can't disagree with them, but those scores do seem off the mark from other reviews I've read.
Cruds's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 12:22
Cruds
Same here, if I ever look at a score it's always the community score just for a quick reference. If I'm interested in a game I try different sources, videos and try the game in a shop.
xxeyes's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 12:49
xxeyes
Fuck EGM. Elebits has actually become my favorite game of all time. Seriously, I've never had so much fun playing a game in single player mode.

I own: Zelda, Trauma Center, Elebits, and Wii Sports. It's a great collection. However, nothing else out there interests me yet because they all look as though they could be better on another system. If you don't like Elebits or at least give it a chance, I have one question for you: Why the hell did you buy a Wii?

I never scoffed at any of the low Zelda reviews as I can understand how some may have been unimpressed with a great, but still "same-old, same-old" game. But two Elebits scores below 5, that's bullshit. I wish there was some way I could force every Wii owner to buy this game so we get more like it in the future.
brad drac's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 12:49
brad drac
A baguette, eh...? Good thinking aaron!

There is a rather depressing trend in wii reviews. Probably backlash from the overwhelming fan-generated hype before the system's launch. As such, I'm taking any and all reviews with enough salt to ensure my getting heart disease by 45.
Cruds's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 13:40
Cruds
Anyone seen a warioware review? After seeing this clip ,I would give it a 10.
World Famous's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 13:43
World Famous
Bull fucking SHIT!!!

I think I may be the most critical critic on the planet when it comes to Wii games and Elebits deserves no less than a 8.
World Famous's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 13:45
World Famous
And don't worry all. Just listen to me, I don't steer you wrong. All you guys who got Elebits know what the fuck I mean.

Elebits is the best game on the Wii. Believe it.
Aaron Linde's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 13:50
Aaron Linde
[i]And what happened then?
Well at Dtoid they say
that the Summa's black heart
grew three sizes that day.[/i]

Heheh, I knew that review would piss you off. Seriously, a 4? It deserves a score at least as high as Monkey Ball or Trauma Center, let alone Zelda.
Aaron Linde's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 13:51
Aaron Linde
What the fuck, we're not doing VBCode on this shit anymore?

Damn you, Nieeeerrrrrrrroooo!
ZekeThePlumber's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 13:59
ZekeThePlumber
I hear EGM scores are directly proportional the reviewer's penis size.

At this point, I think EGM is being critical just to be critical. I mean, complaining about the missions where you need to be quiet or can't break things is pointless, and believe it or not, Katamari had them as well (remember the missions where you had to roll up the only largest bear you can find but everything on the level was a bear). Granted Konami could have made Elebits into a giant sandbox type game but it would have been lacking something we would otherwise call challenge.
World Famous's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 14:03
World Famous
What did they give Excite Truck? Cause if they gave that a higher score, then ... well ... words can't explain how retarded that is.
ZekeThePlumber's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 14:13
ZekeThePlumber
Excite Truck: 7.0 7.5 6.5
World Famous's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 14:18
World Famous
I know, we have a post coming with their other assinine scores. I just finally opened my EGM to look at the travesty.

They're usually the only mag I trust, but this is very questionable. I'd love to debate them on some of this stuff.
Knivy's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 14:19
Knivy

I'm still looking for the game, didn't found it in any of the stores i went yesterday xmas shopping. I'll try to get it tomorrow.

EGM...i used to read that...
generaldane's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 14:32
generaldane
whats egm???? am i suppose to care about what they or anyone else for that matter think?
Aaron Mxy Yost's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 15:13
Aaron Mxy Yost
Why does everyone else get their EGMs like a week before mine comes in the mail?
tsunamikitsune's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 15:16
tsunamikitsune
For some unknown reason, I get EGM very other month. It's really wierd, since I don't pay for it.

I got that issue yesterday and ended up throwing it across the room in anger multiple times.

Once when I found out Blu-Ray discs aren't actually blue. Again when I saw their streight 10s for Twilight Princess. Once again when I saw the Wii Sports review. And finally, when I saw the Elebits scores.
dingbot's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 15:26
dingbot
I'm usually super stoked on egm....but then Jeremy parish had to go and call my Portrait of Ruin boring on 1up.com...and I'm slightly sure it's also him that gave elebits one of those fours...perhaps hes evolved past the need for fun
Jelster's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 15:34
Jelster
Wow, now all of a sudden scores matter and other people's opinions can be called into question.
moclippa's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 15:54
moclippa
I got my Elebits the other day and have been playing it non-stop... or at least untill my hand started to hurt, to which I decided to watch a movie and pass out on the couch. EGM just made me sad.... its such a fun game..... though I do wish they made the shit that is breakable a bit more obvious, I often am too nonchalante about tossing things around the room, and despise hearing the sound of several items breaking all at once, cringing as I watch my 10 limit go down at a dramatic pace in a matter of a few seconds.
nmaster64's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 19:07
nmaster64
The scores system throughout the industry is broken, Twilight Princess has completely convinced me of that, and this is just further proof.

In a world where people can utter the line "best Zelda ever, but it gets a half a point less than Ocarina of Time", I want to just kill reviewers. Nobody seems to understand the concept of a scoring system, nor how it should be weighted. I don't give a s**t what year Ocarina of Time was released, Twilight Princess is all that and more and it's score should reflect it being superior. Period. And on Elebits...that's total BS too...

It's the reason us editors over at TheGameFeed.com use a Skip/Try/Rent/Buy rating system. However, I'm starting to think that's not the right way to do it either, as I'm starting to see some scores I strongly disagree with from my fellow writers. And I don't like the fact the vast majority of games get a rent it, there needs to be a stronger dividing line there. We need some system nobody's thought of yet. I've got ideas, but I find myself at a loss on some specifics...
Lezbro's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 19:39
Lezbro
I have not played Elebits and I don't have a Wii.

The reason I do not is I suspect most of the game scores for "next gen" are inflated by about 30%. The Hype Factor. Too often a sort of psychosis sets in when console addicts purchase new gear and come to realize they've been had (PSP users are only the most obvious example). I think the Wii and PS3 lineups are 100% pure, overhyped SHIT. In time they will fulfill expectations (like the DS), but right now it's just not there.

Elebits just reeks of a 4.

Of course, I don't know this and I could be completely wrong.

But I've been gaming longer than ANY of you falkers here... guaranteed. I'm going to gamble and suggest that the 4 holds up and Dtoid Wii-boasters' desperation for a legitimate launch title does not.

And yeah, I've been playing the hell out of Twilight Princess on the Gamecube and I couldn't be happier that I don't own the under-baked Wii.

Peace, baby boys!
Lezbro's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 19:43
Lezbro
You know what Elebits is?

Fantavision.

In about six months, you'll be able to buy it for $2.99.
Ballistic90's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 19:50
Ballistic90
"I don't own it and I know it's shit" Wow Lezbro, there was a time when people had to actually justify their opinions. And you call us the fanboys.
Aaron Linde's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/16/2006 19:59
Aaron Linde
Lezbro, play the game before you shit on it. Jesus. Being old doesn't constitute a legitimate opinion. If it did, we'd probably all pay more attention to Ron.

We know our shit, here. This isn't the kid's table. If you think you've got something to say, start a blog and say it.
PMS Heartbreakr's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/17/2006 11:57
PMS Heartbreakr
Lezbro, you'd think that with age would come a little bit of wisdom, but obviously not. The fact that you have such strong opinions on a game that you haven't even played is kind of amusing. I haven't been here to long but I think I have picked up on the fact that summa is not a "fanboy" of nintendo, and even if he is at least he has actually played the game to form opinions on, maybe you should try that sometime.
PsychoDuck's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/17/2006 21:02
PsychoDuck
I'm gonna tear apart EGM and Lezbro so bad in this comment that even Chuck Norris couldn't save 'em. First, EGM.

I did read EGM for about a while. But around the time I picked up my 6th mag, I realized something: These guys have some sort of sick vendetta against Nintendo. The following is a direct quote from EGM 203's review of Metroid Prime: Hunters:

"Cons: Lame characters - After seeing how ugly the six new bounty hunters look, we think we'll stick with Samus"

So you took points off of the game's score because the rivals didn't look like Samus? Or is it because you take one look at the Chozo-raised heroine and think "Ooh, she has boobies! Hurr hurr hurr! I'll play her! Screw Noxus, he's a guy! Hurr hurr!"?

Another negative point listed was "Reliance on touch screen". Touch screen aiming was a helluva lot better than the D-Pad ABXY control scheme, and anyone who's ever played this game is sure to back me up (Especially lefties).

And to prove that EGM only gives a damn about graphics, the only point listed as "Good" was "Best 3D visuals on the DS". And that matters HOW? If they made a game with 8 trillion pixels per square micron but the controls, storyline and sound were complete shit, you'd just love it, wouldn't you, EGM?

As for you, Lezbro...

It doesn't matter if a gamer has been gaming for 6 or 60 years, there is no impact on the validity of their statements! I have been gaming since I was 2, nearly 14 years. Does this mean my views would be less valid than someone who's been playing since the inception of gaming? Hell no! Super Mario 64 was an awesome game then, and it wasn't because of the new controls or the 3D graphics. It was because it was a genuinely fun game. And I'm sure the same is true of Elebits.

So, Lezbro, how does the RollGoal minigame in Twilight Princess play without tilt sensors?

The Duck Has Spoken.
existonfile's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/18/2006 10:46
existonfile
I am an avid reader of EGM, and have been for a long time. I was quite shocked when I got the new issue because the wife and I have been having a blast with Elebits. Usually, my views on games fall in line with the EGM reviews (that's why I read them and trust them) so I was taken back by the low scores. Then I talked to a friend of mine who had also picked up Elebits and was very surprised to hear what he thought about the game. He was not having a good time with it.

I was very confused about this until I realised that maybe this game is not for every person. Kind of like how some people will NEVER enjoy a JRPG, or a sports game, etc. Therein lies the great quality about the EGM review system, they give you 3 different opinions on the game. It's not meant to be taken as 3 scores to average together, it's 3 people's views on 1 game. I kind of enjoyed the game and a 7 is a fair score, my friend obviously fell in with the 4 camp.

P.S. To everyone who says EGM is biased AGAINST Nintendo, you obviously don't read the magazine on a regular basis. There are more than a few Nintendo fanboys in their staff. Also, in this same issue they UNANIMOUSLY chose the Wii over the PS3.
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