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The doors to the Barker Hangar close. E3 coordinators shuffle out the last of the dwindling bloggers while Attack of the Show fanboys scrutinize the G4TV stage for the left-behind loose hairs of Olivia Munn. E3 2007 has officially closed down and the herds of game developers are slowly replaced by the So-cal beach barbies. For most of the E3 2007 veterans, the constant shuffling between air conditioned hotel suites and sponsored dinners had left them all tired and dazed, happy to return to their respective computer rooms to get away from video games for the first time in three days. But for those of us looking for a more conclusive wrap-up to the new E3, Gamecock held the un-official E3 funeral titled "E3 Up in Smoke", marking the end of an old gaming conference and the dawning of a new one brimming with hope, gaming, and plenty of zombies on unicorns (hopefully, anyway). Mr. Destructoid and the Destructoid team were there in full force to attend, naturally, with the Robot himself making his way to the stage to deliver his very own E3 eulogy. To experience the mourning of the old E3 via photos and Mr. Destructoid's very own speech, hit the jump!
The procession was long and more physically toiling than we had expected to encounter. After quickly grabbing whatever Gamecock swag was left over for the long track to Venice Beach (black handkerchiefs, umbrellas, and camel-backs all branded with the Gamecock logo), the Destructoid team joined the parade across the water to set the old E3 to rest. Bloggers, press, and developers maintained a steady pace with red-caped Gamecock ushers, a raggedy-anne New Orleans flavored Jazz band, and scantily clad retired booth babe zombies who weeped silently whilst hiking along in heels. Five minutes to the pier, the trumpets were silenced to make way for the more somber sound of bagpipes. Freaks and geeks gathered around the concrete pier that jutted out on to Venice beach to hang their heads in sorrow and celebration of our former E3. The first eulogist, Gamecock cofounder Chris Miller, set the tone of the ceremony with cleverly macabre mournings of the old E3 days, remarking that the new E3 "...is sort of the death of something old and the birth of something new. And with birth you have hope, that over time we can take the Wallstreet schmoes and kick them in the nuts" Miller then looked to the audience for additional eugooglists to join him on stage. Our one and only Mr. Destructoid was one of the few to express his deepest regrets and reliefs to the passing E3, delivering a speech so momentous and pivotal, even Rick Astley could be heard rick rollin' in his grave. The speech? Well it went a little something like this: I've been invited to say a couple things about E3. My name is Destructoid. I've been called a lot of things that are not Destructoid. I've been called immature. I've been called a loser. But I run the largest independent gaming site here, and by the looks of the crowd, by the look of the future of the gaming industry, I think I look just about right. So, I want to say just a couple of things about E3, but more specifically, about the aborted fetuses that are the independent gaming companies shut out of E3. This is not my original work, it's a selection I picked up from a red-headed visionary of the 80's. If you know the passage, find a chain-link fence to jump against. We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it Inside we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it And if you ask me how I'm feeling Don't tell me you're too blind to see
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
The speech ended, the band started up once again, the stilted folks spun around, and the last of the E3 events was complimented with beers and Segway rides aplenty. The ceremony was less than riveting all in all, but to watch Mr. Destructoid pour his heart out on stage like a little Astley once did only decades ago was enough to make the whole event worthwhile. Look forward to an upcoming video of the infamous Destructoid speech later on this week!
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First comment! only because I cheated :P
That ceremony ruled, just you wait till the video!
/tear
That speech is so moving. Rosa Parks was such a powerful public speaker, Niero really did her justice.
That speech... it's beautiful!
The Circus is Coming to Town! lol @ Ron.....
That was win.
*Teardrop*
The video must be awesome can't wait to see it.
BTW in the photos you know the DESTRUCTOID.COM watermark is spelt wrong right?
Or it this DTOID 2.0?
3.0 and I've just clocked it's not every pic but in certain ones like the last one with the group shot.
Ah lordy, thank you Justice. It's on the early side of Monday morning and I still havn't recovered from the week. I fail with spelling. Will fix that ASAP.
It's the most beautiful speech ever!
I love the fact that Niero wore white to a funeral. That speech was just complete win though.
Never gonna give you up, E3... :'(
Destructoid rickrolled a funeral.
That's great.
exactly Jim that is possibly the most epic thing ever!
Mr.Niero White suite is fucking PimP...
I wanna hear our white suited overlord sing dammit.
The only way this could possibly contain more win is if it had a video.
Make it so.
I can say that I'm deeply moved by Mr. Destructoid's speech. Wait, oh, never mind, that's just my reaction to Olivia Munn's photos. But we will all miss you E3 v1. RIP
I wish my funeral to be exactly like this.
Niero is the only one who doesn't look ridiculous. Ha.
Mr. Destructoid looks so brash and arrogant in his white suit thumbs-upping surrounded by black clad mourners. And then he rickrolled.
I FUCKING LOVE YOU, DESTRUCTOID.
This is the best thing ever since I discovered red velvet Twinkies.
This is the greatest thing in the history of greatest things.
Niero, you are a golden god.
I think I like this Gamecock. Do they have any good games?
fuk no average at best...too bad really i had high hopes for the up an coming "cool" guys
Workman's funeral is next, right?
lol thanks! I'm glad everyone likes the white suit. I got a little nervous up there and the speech didn't come out exactly like I wanted, but then again there's always PAX :) See you there!
That was moving and epic beyond belief. I cried a little. It's things like this that make Dtoid stand out. I effing love this site.
That was awesome. I can't wait for the video.
@Niero: Well done. You looked both incredibly stylish and completely out-of-place in the funeral procession. Good show.
THEY HAD STILT WALKERS!?!?!
Shit, I think I need to join the gamecock publicity team... since, you know, that kind of stuff is what I do when I'm not here. Stilt walking, that is.
It takes a certain type of man...er...robot to rickroll a public event, much less a funeral, and even further less than a funeral for a public event. Thank the gods that created pizza and guiness that Niero is that man/robot/creature.
as we mourn the loss of the old e3, i cant help but realize that death brings upon the extinction of one of the greatest organisms known to gaming; the gnerd.
Neiro, seriously... wow... you are... the epic!
rawr!
Such a moving speech, shame there was no vid.
Wish I could have been there.
Nice! That speech was awesome! I made a tribute video to Niero.
I know, it's shitty lol..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEbICSnZ_MY
Goodbye E3.
Thanks so much for this! This is exactly what I was looking for
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