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E3 2007: Dungeon Runners footage; what have I gotten myself into?

2:35 AM on 07.13.2007, Nex 25 comments

     E3

Here's a quick recap of the above video clip from Dungeon Runners for those of you who might be blind but have hired a kindly local boy to read the Internet for you:

00:10: Ok, things are progressly quite smoothly. We're obviously in some kind of dungeon and we're running, which means we've accomplished the two main goals set out by the title already! Martinis for all!

00:12: Um ... wait. What the hell is that? Are we carrying a pizza cutter? Oh ... my mistake. It's an oversized, novelty pizza cutter!

00:18: Finally we get to cut something! After running almost thirty feet, we're pounced upon by the denizens of Mojoworld, and the pizza cutter proves to be an absolutely worthless weapon. The crowd stares in silent shock. 

00:30: Our enemies have guns, and we're still using ... wow! Did you guys even see that huge sidebar we have over there? I had no idea we'd done so many E3 stories already!

00:56: Time to check supplies! We've got a lighter, a pack of Lucky's, a few health potions, a cat, the August issue of Auto Trader and a guitar. Wait ... what? Why are we running around a dungeon with a guitar instead of rocking faces off in Anaheim? Ah well, I guess we should probably start hitting people with it ... 

(Editor's Note: At this point Nex surfed away from the trailer and spent the next twenty minutes here. -- The Board) 


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Nyteshade's Avatar
Nyteshade at 07/13/2007 02:43
Oh... my... god...

This is the most ridiculous piece of gaming video I think I've ever seen, I was about to cry and slam my head into the monitor at the same time...

Was that the Giant Pizza Wheel of Doom +6?

What was with the mobs? They kinda just swarmed and never got knocked back, leading to the stupidest combat system I think I've ever seen.

Oh... don't forget the Gatling gun Sloth Monster...

Did the developers sit down and say, "Okay, lets take the Diablo engine, cut out all the good movement and combat cause that's too complicated. Then we'll steal the monsters from Doom and add in a giant pizza wheel as a weapon. Best Game EVER!"

I'm going to go overdose on Meth so I can burn these images out of my head...
Reeper's Avatar
Reeper at 07/13/2007 02:44
...
i'm speechless.
Nyteshade's Avatar
Nyteshade at 07/13/2007 02:46
Ohhhh... just looked at the title of the game and realized that WAS a guitar.

I swear it looks more like a pizza cutter though :)
Detry's Avatar
Detry at 07/13/2007 02:48
I just thought of something while pissing out sumore beer.

An Action/Adventure/RPG game using the Guitar Hero peripheral where you can jam ass some riffs and MELT THE FACES of enemies with your cock rock jam. Win.

And guitar duels with the demons ala crossroads.(the one with the Karate Kid not with Fatty McSpears)
GuitarAtomik's Avatar
GuitarAtomik at 07/13/2007 02:52
that was.....uh....the opposite of exciting.
Ignignokt01's Avatar
Ignignokt01 at 07/13/2007 03:08
Is that an MMO?

Reminds me of WoW gameplay, but a little bit worse.
Mxyzptlk's Avatar
Mxyzptlk at 07/13/2007 03:32
Why are you fighting half a dozen clones of Kratos?
Detry's Avatar
Detry at 07/13/2007 04:02
What, is use underage or something?

I don't get it.

:D
Joseph Leray's Avatar
Joseph Leray at 07/13/2007 04:04
... wow.
pattern's Avatar
pattern at 07/13/2007 04:58
If that's the polished gameplay they want to show of, then I dare not ask to see their undeveloped and non-polished stuff... yikes that's bad!
Edarios's Avatar
Edarios at 07/13/2007 05:00
It's a Free MMO that's basically like a free version of diablo, but not as good...
zaqu's Avatar
zaqu at 07/13/2007 05:22
Hi! My name is Zaqu Forever! I'm a completely ordinary teenage girl from San Diego, California. My interests include soccer, surfing, writing poetry, and luge. I am homeschooled by my father who fought in the Korean War and was exposed to nerve gas. He is kind of crazy but I still love him. We got the Internet two years ago and I started making new friends on Yahoo! messenger. Surprisingly, most of these new friends were older men who wanted to have illegal, underage sex with me. Needless to say, I got a boner like a rocketship and cybersex quickly became my favorite thing in the entire world. Wait, did I say boner like a rocketship? I meant my vagina got as wet as Lake Titicaca. I started saving all of the hot chat sessions I was having with the Pakistanis, lesbians, child molesters and other monsters who were instant messaging me all day and all night, and I decided to put them up here on this website so you can see exactly how disgusting the entire human race is. Since then, I have been in a waterskiing accident that mangled my genitals beyond repair, been diagnosed with cerebral palsy, brain cancer, and Crohn's disease, learned to speak Urdu and French, covered my naked body in superglue, went to French lesbian camp, made a Hindu eat a roast beef sandwich out of my vagina, and ruined perfectly good cybersex for at least one hundred people. Use the menu above to find out more about me and start reading my sexy adventures
Trevor McGee's Avatar
Trevor McGee at 07/13/2007 06:18
This game look absolutely horrible, and what the fuck is up with that guy? He's surrounded by enemies who're all beating the ever loving shit out of him, yet he's just swinging aways checking his inventory and changing weapons in the middle of the battle and still wins. Wow, that's ridiculous.
bluemeep's Avatar
bluemeep at 07/13/2007 07:03
The key element of Dungeon Runners is that it's free. Unless of course you want to pony up the five bones per month for the premium account that gives you access to things that all other Diablo clones already give you (stackable potions, a bank and the ability to use superior quality items).

It's fairly satirical in design and occasionally funny, but unfortunately the video is pretty well demonstrating the quality of the gameplay itself. Alright if you're dead sick of Diablo itself and don't have anything better to play in the genre, but I'd avoid it otherwise.
fetusmilk's Avatar
fetusmilk at 07/13/2007 09:00
this game looks retarded
Eschatos's Avatar
Eschatos at 07/13/2007 09:55
Damn, this looks like... every other shitty MMO and RPG known to man with a hint of satire.

Pass.
PappaDukes's Avatar
PappaDukes at 07/13/2007 10:26
DUDE! Nex, thanks for the play by play. Since I mentioned in a previous post, I can't view Gametrailer.com videos. Best 56 seconds EVAR!
imbeta's Avatar
imbeta at 07/13/2007 12:07
things I've learned from this game:
[b]Mini Gun = Pizza Cutter
Mini Gun < Guitar[/b]
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