Weak tonsil hockey game? Slobbering all over your partner when you go in for the kiss? You need Realistic Kissing Simulator, the best kind of training you could possibly have. Just kidding. You won't learn a thing, but you'll have fun playing with yourself.
Use the keyboard to control your tongue (and your "partner's" tongue too, if you're playing solo) and weave a tangled web of desire, or tongues. Lick the boogers from your partner's nose. Or lick their eyeball. What I'm trying to say is, there won't be a whole lot of kissing going on in Realistic Kissing Simulator, and that's why it is hilarious. And a million YouTubers have probably already launched streams of themselves playing it, complete with "eye-grabbing" thumbnails for their video. Let me do a quick search. Oh, yep. I was right.
I keep waiting for these cartoonish faces to start sounding out words to each other, and then the tongues come out. Try your luck and let us know how you do.
Wolfenstein, Prince of Persia, Softporn II: 2,400 MS-DOS games playable free in-browser
11:30 AM on 01.06.2015