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Dirty Lara Croft gets clothes off, this is videogame news
2:30 PM on 01.02.2009, Jim Sterling 56 comments

Dirty Lara Croft gets clothes off, this is videogame news photo
     Also, bewbs

It's a slow, post-holiday news day, and we seriously have little better to do than objectify women on a "professional" Web site for cheap clicks. At least we're up front about it, and talking of "up front," let us all now gaze upon the big wobbly mammos of Alison Carroll, the big-jugged tart who holds the honor of being the newest Lara model.

Popular British comic The Sun has all the filthy details, so hop on over if you're short of wanking material and have forgotten that there's free pornography all over the Internet. There is also a video interview as well, if you're one of those rare males that actually care about what a woman has to say.

Videogames!


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Samit Sarkar's Avatar
Samit Sarkar at 01/02/2009 14:36
"Big-jugged tart"? Hardly. A push-up bra seems to be part of her Lara Croft attire, since without it, her chest looks ... well, rather pedestrian in comparison.

I'd still hit it, though.
Tyson The Tool's Avatar
Tyson The Tool at 01/02/2009 14:36
In other news, we have determined that Lord of the Rings: Conquest is absolutely awful.
Justice's Avatar
Justice at 01/02/2009 14:42
@Samit
Yeah she's really not got much under that top unfortunately.
Brad Nicholson's Avatar
Brad Nicholson at 01/02/2009 14:44
She's beautiful. I would like to sit down and share a cup of coffee with her.
Kif 's Avatar
Kif at 01/02/2009 14:44
When she's not in Lara-gear, she's just another Page 3 girl. No, worse than that, a Page 3 girl who doesn't even show her tits. Couldn't they have at least put her in the wetsuit or something?
Kif 's Avatar
Kif at 01/02/2009 14:46
That comment made me sound like a creepy video game playing pervert who only gets off from chicks as game characters, didn't it?

Fuck.
Tyson The Tool's Avatar
Tyson The Tool at 01/02/2009 14:50
@ Kif

You're right at home with us, man
Cough's Avatar
Cough at 01/02/2009 14:50
fapfapfbah, forget it.

I hope everyone in The Sun burns.

Someone must've made that joke before.
Fusiontr's Avatar
Fusiontr at 01/02/2009 14:53
Tits
EternalDeathSlayer's Avatar
EternalDeathSlayer at 01/02/2009 14:54
She is so boring looking, not to mention I also agree with Samit's earlier observation about her tits being average.

Then again, like Samit, I'd also hit it.
Spartan's Avatar
Spartan at 01/02/2009 14:54
I can see Bond, James Bond in her future - mark my words...
EternalDeathSlayer's Avatar
EternalDeathSlayer at 01/02/2009 14:58
Spartan: She's way too generic looking for that....
F Whipple's Avatar
F Whipple at 01/02/2009 15:03
@spartan

maybe in the pierce brosnan days when the only great one was the girl from braveheart
moshakirby's Avatar
moshakirby at 01/02/2009 15:05
Hahaha, you guys are talking like you'd even have the chance
RonBurgandy2010's Avatar
RonBurgandy2010 at 01/02/2009 15:05
O.O
pheonix-blood's Avatar
pheonix-blood at 01/02/2009 15:08
Still I wouldn't mind looking like that lol.

From previous pictures they chose her to be the new Lara because shes a gymnast and can do all those weird poses that people want her to do, where previously those just chose really hot but totally useless women.

I still would though....
Half left's Avatar
Half left at 01/02/2009 15:13
Saying it like it is. I love it.
RAB's Avatar
RAB at 01/02/2009 15:26
THIS is why i visit destructoid first thing in the morning.
Phoenix Gamma's Avatar
Phoenix Gamma at 01/02/2009 15:43
You can never deposit too much into your spank bank.
Char Aznable's Avatar
Char Aznable at 01/02/2009 15:44
Yeah, I looked through the entire slideshow.
Spartan's Avatar
Spartan at 01/02/2009 15:57
Maybe so guys, but stranger things have happened in pop culture for a crosspollination fast buck.
Mr Wrighty 987's Avatar
Mr Wrighty 987 at 01/02/2009 15:59
Meh i would say she isnt even a C cup! you need to be a DD or over to rider this train choo choo
Saint Demon's Avatar
Saint Demon at 01/02/2009 16:09
I would probably classify her as beautiful but shes severely lacking in the personality department. I wouldn't classify all models with that stereotype as I have known a few very interesting people, but overall I can't forsee an intelligent conversation with that person at least based off that interview. Also, they couldn't find a real model who could do gymnastics with breasts the size of houses, what a shame <insert sarcastic sigh here>.
Qraze's Avatar
Qraze at 01/02/2009 16:19
i'd give her the business.
Sloth's Avatar
Sloth at 01/02/2009 16:28
Is this the same Lara Croft model who inspired the giblet-talk on Podcastle a few months back? (#17-ish, I think).
Qraze's Avatar
Qraze at 01/02/2009 16:31
she didn't bare anything! i was expecting soft core porn and all i got was standard crap! not even one bent-over, back arched, head looking back shot, what a jip.

the chubby wasn't chubby at all after viewing that slideshow, it was just a chub.
Charlietime's Avatar
Charlietime at 01/02/2009 16:37
If she look like she knew how to hold a gun it might help, with the whole tomb raider visage.
ScreamingScarab's Avatar
ScreamingScarab at 01/02/2009 16:40
Jana Defi needs to be Lara Croft.

Or maybe they need to have a Jana Defi and Ewa Sonnet game.

Hello! Itagaki! Wake the eff up and make it! DOAXBV3!
GuitarAtomik's Avatar
GuitarAtomik at 01/02/2009 16:49
Jeeeeeeeeeesus.
Gavin's Avatar
Gavin at 01/02/2009 16:54
"big-jugged"?!?!?!? WTF

This chick has nothing of that nature...and she's not really fap material.

Meh-tastic.
BulletTrain's Avatar
BulletTrain at 01/02/2009 16:57
That saucy minx.

I'd raid her tombs.
Demtor's Avatar
Demtor at 01/02/2009 17:00
Wow, her tale of heroics was just amazing... lol! What the hell is she blabbering on about? Strike a pose, and shut the fuck up.
parrothead's Avatar
parrothead at 01/02/2009 17:07
She is hot, but it reminds me that I need to pick up Underworld. I
Corak's Avatar
Corak at 01/02/2009 17:09
Not bad, not great, but not bad, I chubed a little. Yea I went through the entire slideshow but skipped the video.
MisterMingo's Avatar
MisterMingo at 01/02/2009 17:16
She's pretty cute.

That's about all I have to say about this.
Bennyishere's Avatar
Bennyishere at 01/02/2009 17:59
They better bring Karima Adebibe back. I think I'll go fap to her instead right now.
YadGadge's Avatar
YadGadge at 01/02/2009 19:02
Wait.. there's pornography on the internet? WTF why didn't anyone tell me?!
Volomon's Avatar
Volomon at 01/02/2009 20:29
All I have to say is who cares about this real chick? I want to see virtual nudity!
BluDesign's Avatar
BluDesign at 01/02/2009 22:37
@volomon

Go here...

http://img.4chan.org/b/imgboard.html

Some virtual nudity should be along shortly. That train rolls through about every 35 seconds.
Midgetsnowman's Avatar
Midgetsnowman at 01/02/2009 23:54
..If you're going to 4chan for fap material, why even bother with /b/ when theres a whole category or 7 for porn and you're just as likely to see something horrifically scarring as humanly imaginable on /b/ as you are to see a naked bit?
nebones's Avatar
nebones at 01/03/2009 00:56
fap
Uniquenamehere's Avatar
Uniquenamehere at 01/03/2009 02:08
Jim this aint for wanking where are the tits where is the arse.
Im OK's Avatar
Im OK at 01/03/2009 15:02
oh noes she has only small to average sized tits she's not worth looking at bah humbug

(/sarcasm)
PrimetimeFool's Avatar
PrimetimeFool at 01/03/2009 21:44
Normally I'd agree with you friend, but this is Lara Croft we're talking about. How dare they insult us with normal breasts. Couldn't they at least have given her a PS1-era cone bra?
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 01/04/2009 06:07
I love it when sites disable the right-click menu, but it still works anyway. LOL.

Not that I right-clicked anything.
Timstuff's Avatar
Timstuff at 01/05/2009 12:12
Rowr! She looks a lot finer than her game counterpart, for sure.
Phalanxxx's Avatar
Phalanxxx at 01/07/2009 04:16
I dunno what it is, but huge jugs do nothing for me... I prefer them real >.>
But yeah... I think all the guys in this comment thread (perhaps not jim?) are "tits" men.
falinter's Avatar
falinter at 01/07/2009 14:21
Thats not even Laura Croft anymore. Its just a half naked chick.
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