FOXTOID returns with yet another shockingly sexy videogame revelation! Our expert scientific researchers have used science to prove an unequivocal link between former pornographic sex starlet Annabel Chong and ultra violent videogame series Dynasty Warriors. Hey, maybe the game should be called Die Nasty Whore Areolas from now on, right?
As we all know, Chong shot to fame for engaging in 251 sexual acts with 70 men in a single glorious session of unChristian depravity that we at FOXTOID condemn in front of our mothers. In the Dynasty Warriors series, you can kill over 70 enemies at any given time -- coincidence? We think not.
Dynasty Warriors and Annabel Chong's life may as well be mirrors of each other -- both of them feature Asians taking on hundreds of men with their weapons in their hands and both of them have led to young males engaging in repetitive hand actions for short periods of time. In the opinion of this humble reporter, and it's the correct opinion -- videogames and the porn industry are working together to corrupt young minds.
You cannot draw another conclusion. Look into my eyes and know this to be true.
Jim Sterling serves as reviews editor for Destructoid.com, head of the Podtoid podcast, and produces a number of news stories, original features, one-of-a-kind videos. With his passionate argumentative style, controversial opinions, harsh delivery, and dedication to brutal honesty Sterling is a name that you can't help but recognize.
Likes
PS2, iPod Touch, Silent Hill 2, Metal Gear Solid, Dynasty Warriors 3
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Contest:
8:56 AM on 04.01.2008
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*CONDEMN CONDEMN CONDEMN*
...not that lucky.
*collects his plugging fee*
I mean... to... ergh... burn all of them in church while singing cumbaya.
PS Im asian.
Next thing you know, our teenagers will be speaking Chinese instead of Spanish. My God....
It all makes sense now...
Jim, you've taken this mockery up to a new level.