The fine editors of Destructoid are hard-hitting journalists dedicated to giving you, the hardcore gamer, all the facts fit to flaunt. This is why, for the past several days, we have been clobbering snakes, scaring bears, and feeding chickens in the name of science and JOURNALISM. That's right, folks ... Destructoid has been playing FrontierVille.
Today, we compare our poop. This is the most low-brow discussion of FrontierVille yet, and considering we've already made countless jokes about "whacking" and "bonus wood," that's really saying something. Let's read on!
From: Nick Chester
To: Dale North, Conrad Zimmerman, Jim Sterling
Subject: Let's compare our animal dung collection!
So far, I have only collected a single pile of pig shit. I'm wondering if anyone else has amassed a more sizable collection. Please share, my FrontierVille friends!
From: Conrad
To: Nick, Dale, Jim
I have a lot of chicken shit and a few brush brownies, which I think were dropped by my sheep. Also, this may not be the last time I send you a gift-wrapped pile of feces, Nick. UPS tracking number inbound...
From: Jim
To: Conrad, Nick, Dale
Considering the amount of chickens I have, it's hardly surprising that most of my shit has come out of a clucking anus. I've got one lump of crap from my sheep as well. I've been trying to make my pig blast out a chocolate slurry of backdoor clay, but unfortunately I can't get its gasping squinter to squirt any muddy treacle no matter how hard I try.
From: Nick
To: Jim, Conrad, Dale
What? Why do you have so much chicken crap? Mine have never pooped. Do you guys think they're sick? I'm worried.
From: Jim
To: Nick, Conrad, Dale
You can have some of my chickens if you want, Nick. They shit everywhere.
From: Nick
To: Jim, Conrad, Dale
I appreciate the offer, but I'm concerned about my own right now. I only have a few (two, actually), but neither have taken a dump and I'm already level 7. This doesn't seem right. Attached is a picture of my chickens; do they look okay to you? That's Dale, by the way, who is getting way too close to my chickens for my liking. In fact, I'm not exactly sure what he's doing to it. Dale looks surprised and the chicken looks... pleased.
From: Dale
To: Nick, Jim, Conrad
Oh scat!
Contest:
4:00 PM on 07.27.2010 | 
That could very well be the greatest single paragraph I have ever read in the entirety of my life. SO FUCKING FUNNY!
Well, shit.
Oh, Zynga.
But seriously, this cracked me up. Nice one guys.