Fine, smart guy.
Here are a bunch of arbitrary suggestions.
Destructoid clothing (under $20)
Hey, you know we have a neat store with a bunch of really cool t-shirt and hoodie designs, right? C'mon, man, These are easy gifts, for yourself or for your loved ones. You can just guess the size. Your babushka will love a Mario nesting dolls shirt, and who wouldn't love a shirt covered in cartoon corgis?
Persona 4 Arena Mitsuru figure ($115 USD)
Seriously though, someone buy this for me. Please. I'm so damn sad the amazing Persona 3 Mitsuru figure is basically only available on eBay for hundreds of dollars.
Pokemon Hanafuda cards ($25)
These are not easily obtainable in the US, unfortunately, but they're too cool to ignore. I started playing hanafuda recently thanks to a free flash version and it's a blast. If someone finds me a multiplayer version, I'll play with you. Not with these cards, though, which might prove better decorative. Too pretty and rare to risk damaging. The $150, framed, uncut set is glorious.
Lodge Cast Iron Dutch Oven ($30)
A cast iron dutch oven for only $30? Sign me up. These thing are incredibly versatile and perfect for slow cooking. You could brain someone real good with one, too, I bet. Cast iron really is the way to go in the world of "non stick" finishes.
Stackable Tetris light ($40)
You can rearrange the seven interlocking tetrominoes in this nifty little lamp any way you like. The vivacious, bright colors are perfect ambient lighting for your next te-tryst, provided your carnal companion doesn't notice it, think you a nerd, and escape down the fire escape.
Sumo bean bags chairs ($270)
These things are super dumb and super comfortable. We had one in the Destructoid office for a long while, but we had to get rid of it because of its energy sapping powers (also, to clear space). Just settling down on one of these is inviting the sweet suckle of nap time.
Wreck-It Ralph Blu-Ray ($15)
Have you seen Wreck-It Ralph yet? It's really good! It's a good film independent of its videogame premise, but plenty full of nods for people who like games, without coming across as cloying and overeager.
People always think I'm joking when I say I'd like socks for Christmas. Do I look like I'm f---ing joking? Why would I be joking about this? I need socks.
The Road ($12)
The Last of Us was a big deal this year. Read the book that everyone kept comparing it to. Cormac McCarthy's staggeringly bleak and bare novel is so unlike his more colorful, Faulknerian oeuvre. It's one of my favorite novels and if you like good things, you will like it. The movie is worth a watch, too.
The 31 Days of Zero Suit Samus ($25)
This delightful collection of miniature comics by Chriss Furniss focus on Samus Aran during her off days, when she's not bounty hunting. There are also some bonus contributions from various awesome artists, like Zac Gorman. If you just want pretty pictures, you can buy it digitally and name your price.
Super kawaii cat stockings ($4!)
These are literally the best.
Capcom 30th Anniversary Character Encyclopedia ($8)
A 200+ page, hardcover Capcom character encyclopedia for under $10? Alright.
Deva Zan ($30)
This is the first novel from famed Final Fantasy artist Yoshitaka Amano. Naturally, it's also replete with hundreds of pieces of original artwork. It would probably be worth it for the art alone, but hopefully the samurai tale is a fun read, too.
Jurassic 5 Feedback ($10)
Just one of the best albums ever.
Venusaur figure ($35)
Sure, you can get a Charizard or a Blastoise, but all the cool cats are down with the 'Saur.
7" Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker Link plushie ($11)
Celebrate the best Zelda game getting an HD release with this adorable Link plushie. Amazon actually has a surprisingly robust collection (mostly Nintendo-related) of reasonably priced plushies. I've seen comparable things in Japantown run you $20 or $30. This adorable Boo is only $6! I don't stand a ghost of a chance.
Chie in the Meat Dimension ($32)
This lovely Persona 4 is filled with meat and Chie, just like my dreams.
Alligator Tail Meat 5 lbs ($60)
I've only had alligator once, at the stupid, overpriced, sweltering, dusty Gilroy Garlic Festival. It was okay. Not something I'd pay over $10/lb for, but maybe you would, either for yourself or someone you love. You could say, "See you later, alligator," after every bite.
The Sky: The Art of Final Fantasy Boxed Set ($60)
If Deva Zan doesn't do it for you, how about this three volume collection of Amano's work on Final Fantasy? Dark Horse's website lists it at $140. Amazon has it for $60. I think I will buy this now before it is harder to find.
Okami Official Complete Works ($32)
So many art books, so little money.
Drunken Angel (The Criterion Collection) ($25)
C'mon, Criterion. If you're going to charge me $25, at least give me a blu ray.
Sailor Moon S.H. Figuarts Action Figure ($39)
Fighting evil by moonlight! Winning love by daylight! Never running from a real fight! She is the one named Sailor Moon! I'm very stoked for the Sailor Moon anime reboot.
"It’s not fun”? It’s not fun my behind. Not having money for food or rent or doctor’s visits is not fun, either, but I’m sure your giftee will enjoy the heck out of that chintzy glassware set and Mork & Mindy on DVD.
Is Christmas over yet?
can cause it. You can fix it by adding *.disqus.com to your whitelists.