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Crowbar finally shipped to prevent humanity's destruction photo

A month ago we posted a story about Reddit offering to send a crowbar to the brains behind the Large Hadron Collider project. Many fear that the particle accelerator at Cern could cause the end of the world, and a possible resonance cascade -- along with obligatory Half-Life headcrab infestation, too.

Our very own Dyson claims that the Large Hadron Collider isn't possible of causing any lasting damage to humanity, but his ways are the ways of folly. Those of us who actually play videogames that were released after 1983 know a little something about science, and we're preparing for the reign of The Combine. 

Luckily, the Reddit lads who offered the crowbar that would save humanity have now shipped it to CERN, along with a note that reads: "Get this to Gordon Freeman. He'll know what to do." When thanked for their service to humanity, the providers of the crowbar had only this to say:

We’re not heroes. We’re just doing our job.

Classy as Hell, gentlemen. Classy as Hell. Let us pray that the crowbar reaches Dr. Freeman in time to stave off the Xen hordes that this Collider will definitely produce.


Continue: More Science stories





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41 comments | showing # 1 to 41

Dead Movie Star's Avatar
Dead Movie Star at 09/09/2008 20:34
Epic.
RICHARD BLOCKER's Avatar
RICHARD BLOCKER at 09/09/2008 20:40
The crowbar will make it to its destination. It's destiny.
grafkhun's Avatar
grafkhun at 09/09/2008 20:42
reddit sent a practice headcrab plushy and a half-life strategy guide as well, now we're safe for sure.
F Whipple's Avatar
F Whipple at 09/09/2008 20:45
hahahahaa...his would've made my day if it hadn't already been made
taumpytears's Avatar
taumpytears at 09/09/2008 20:45
Whew, I was worried for a minute. Its nice to see the internet is on top of this.
Rucksack's Avatar
Rucksack at 09/09/2008 20:47
I'm more worried that it might produce an earth obliterating black hole. I guess that wouldn't be so bad, because it'd hopefully kill the inevitable head crabs...
AKK's Avatar
AKK at 09/09/2008 20:51
A crowbar could easily stave off a black hole in the hands of Gordon Freeman.

Half Life 2: Episode 3 is going to be based in CERN, I guarantee it.
-PL-'s Avatar
-PL- at 09/09/2008 20:54
I think I'd rather die than get zapped to Xen and be forced to do jumping puzzles and fight nutsack monsters for the rest of my (probably short) life.

And if anybody bitches about spoilers, you had nine years to play through the game. Get over it.
Syn's Avatar
Syn at 09/09/2008 21:02
I love CERN's experiment. Even if it kills us all, it'll be an awesome way to go. Then afterward when we're all in Hell comparing how we all died, we got the trump for the coolest death: "I FELL INTO A BLACK HOLE, BITCH!"

Or on the other hand it'll just confirm or deny all our theories about physics. I dig it.
Release82's Avatar
Release82 at 09/09/2008 21:03
Thank goodness. I was worried for a while there.
Jerkbutt47's Avatar
Jerkbutt47 at 09/09/2008 21:10
lol at Syn's comment. that would be a great icebreaker with all the other damned souls.
Scrixx's Avatar
Scrixx at 09/09/2008 21:16
Prepare for Unforeseen Consequences.
DibbityDan's Avatar
DibbityDan at 09/09/2008 21:16
I think living under Combine rule would be alright. Until some douchebag in glasses comes in my apartment and throws my TV out the window.
Stahlbrand's Avatar
Stahlbrand at 09/09/2008 21:16
I have to find a way to work
"I FELL INTO A BLACK HOLE, BITCH!"
into everyday conversation.

A phrase like that deserves to be used outside of the internet.
Ambulance-Y's Avatar
Ambulance-Y at 09/09/2008 21:19
too bad it's firing up in like 5 hours. fail.
Professor Pew's Avatar
Professor Pew at 09/09/2008 21:30
Well since FOX tells us that it will create a black hole, I believe it to be so.
SWE3tMadness's Avatar
SWE3tMadness at 09/09/2008 22:05
The trouble with the LHC is that it's dealing with shit that we didn't know existed ten years ago, we just have no clue what the hell it's going do - that's why they're firing it up in the first place.

"FOR SCIENCE!"
ace of knaves's Avatar
ace of knaves at 09/09/2008 22:10
While I'm almost entirely certain nothing will happen tomorrow, I must remind everyone that when scientists tested the first atomic bomb, they calculated a 3% chance it would ignite the atmosphere and destroy all life on Earth, then did it anyway (which is awesome). Nothing happened, and in a way that's reassuring, but you can almost imagine the scientists saying, "We're pretty sure this is safe, so there's no need to worry the public about these small tears in the fabric of space-time we've predicted might appear."

In short, the universe won't end, but it's probably more likely to happen in the minute they turn the LHC on than in the minute before.
Gameboi's Avatar
Gameboi at 09/09/2008 22:16
Just think of the kick ass reality show this could be turned into? Survivor: Global Edition.
elysse's Avatar
elysse at 09/09/2008 22:20
famous last words: "No, no, it's all perfectly within range... go ahead, Gordon."
viralhunter's Avatar
viralhunter at 09/09/2008 23:13
guys...

http://www.gamepolitics.com/2008/09/09/end-world-half-life039s-gordon-freeman-spotted-cern-atom-smasher

he knows...
Aksumka's Avatar
Aksumka at 09/09/2008 23:15
I hope all that time I spent day dreaming in history a few years ago about this won't go to waste!

Bravo to the boys who sent this crowbar! Here's hoping they use it better than I did.
ajaxender's Avatar
ajaxender at 09/09/2008 23:19
Im of the opinion that if theres even just a ridiculously tiny chance a resonance cascade could occur from using this thing, it needs to be turned on and used immediately. Im glad they are now prepared.
Swizzler121's Avatar
Swizzler121 at 09/09/2008 23:31
Bu..bu... BUT WHAT ABOUT THE HEV SUIT?
TrickyNicky's Avatar
TrickyNicky at 09/10/2008 00:18
I saw a guy with a sign that said "The World Ends 9/10/08" on the offramp to Interstate-70 in Kansas City like a week ago.
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 09/10/2008 00:31
I think I need to spend these last few minutes fapping to Alyx Vance. It's only appropriate.
Wedge's Avatar
Wedge at 09/10/2008 00:42
Amen.
Fusiontr's Avatar
Fusiontr at 09/10/2008 01:19
The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.
Krow's Avatar
Krow at 09/10/2008 01:29
One hour to go!
The-Excel's Avatar
The-Excel at 09/10/2008 02:04
And now

as I die

I finally know what it means

to be

alive
Ogu's Avatar
Ogu at 09/10/2008 03:16
I just want you guys to know that I'm joining Civil Protection when the Combine arrives.
TewDee's Avatar
TewDee at 09/10/2008 05:09
This is most AWESOME thing I've ever read. God speed crowbar.
Batthink's Avatar
Batthink at 09/10/2008 05:27
I wonder if anyone would think about the possiblity of a crowbar causing an accident there?
Rosseh's Avatar
Rosseh at 09/10/2008 06:43
Don't they know you're not supposed to cross the beams?!
Demtor's Avatar
Demtor at 09/10/2008 07:32
Haha, awesome! Real life Half-life? I've been trained for years now, lets do it.

"Don't drink the water. They put something in the water..."
Hitogoroshi's Avatar
Hitogoroshi at 09/10/2008 10:20
Fucking awesome
wolf428's Avatar
wolf428 at 09/10/2008 14:32
All right, who's in for destroying the Combine, all with me say I, we need to be ready!
Bioautographical's Avatar
Bioautographical at 09/10/2008 21:30
I'm only commenting because I thought it said "Large Hardon Collider".
GohanGVO's Avatar
GohanGVO at 09/11/2008 00:13
Crowbar ftmfw.
Muon's Avatar
Muon at 09/23/2008 14:33
Achievement Unlocked: This Sucks
Created the first man-made black hole.
Ninjasnake's Avatar
Ninjasnake at 10/29/2008 23:02
If they ever actually sold some type of half-life 2 crowbar I'd so be all over that.

Of course I could probably just get one from the local home depot so it better come with something special.
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