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Crowbar finally shipped to prevent humanity's destruction photo

A month ago we posted a story about Reddit offering to send a crowbar to the brains behind the Large Hadron Collider project. Many fear that the particle accelerator at Cern could cause the end of the world, and a possible resonance cascade -- along with obligatory Half-Life headcrab infestation, too.

Our very own Dyson claims that the Large Hadron Collider isn't possible of causing any lasting damage to humanity, but his ways are the ways of folly. Those of us who actually play videogames that were released after 1983 know a little something about science, and we're preparing for the reign of The Combine. 

Luckily, the Reddit lads who offered the crowbar that would save humanity have now shipped it to CERN, along with a note that reads: "Get this to Gordon Freeman. He'll know what to do." When thanked for their service to humanity, the providers of the crowbar had only this to say:

We’re not heroes. We’re just doing our job.

Classy as Hell, gentlemen. Classy as Hell. Let us pray that the crowbar reaches Dr. Freeman in time to stave off the Xen hordes that this Collider will definitely produce.


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41 comments | showing # 1 to 41

Dead Movie Star's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 20:34
Dead Movie Star
Epic.
RICHARD BLOCKER's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 20:40
RICHARD BLOCKER
The crowbar will make it to its destination. It's destiny.
grafkhun's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 20:42
grafkhun
reddit sent a practice headcrab plushy and a half-life strategy guide as well, now we're safe for sure.
F Whipple's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 20:45
F Whipple
hahahahaa...his would've made my day if it hadn't already been made
taumpytears's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 20:45
taumpytears
Whew, I was worried for a minute. Its nice to see the internet is on top of this.
Rucksack's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 20:47
Rucksack
I'm more worried that it might produce an earth obliterating black hole. I guess that wouldn't be so bad, because it'd hopefully kill the inevitable head crabs...
AKK's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 20:51
AKK
A crowbar could easily stave off a black hole in the hands of Gordon Freeman.

Half Life 2: Episode 3 is going to be based in CERN, I guarantee it.
-PL-'s Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 20:54
-PL-
I think I'd rather die than get zapped to Xen and be forced to do jumping puzzles and fight nutsack monsters for the rest of my (probably short) life.

And if anybody bitches about spoilers, you had nine years to play through the game. Get over it.
Syn's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 21:02
Syn
I love CERN's experiment. Even if it kills us all, it'll be an awesome way to go. Then afterward when we're all in Hell comparing how we all died, we got the trump for the coolest death: "I FELL INTO A BLACK HOLE, BITCH!"

Or on the other hand it'll just confirm or deny all our theories about physics. I dig it.
Release82's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 21:03
Release82
Thank goodness. I was worried for a while there.
Jerkbutt47's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 21:10
Jerkbutt47
lol at Syn's comment. that would be a great icebreaker with all the other damned souls.
Scrixx's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 21:16
Scrixx
Prepare for Unforeseen Consequences.
DibbityDan's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 21:16
DibbityDan
I think living under Combine rule would be alright. Until some douchebag in glasses comes in my apartment and throws my TV out the window.
Stahlbrand's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 21:16
Stahlbrand
I have to find a way to work
"I FELL INTO A BLACK HOLE, BITCH!"
into everyday conversation.

A phrase like that deserves to be used outside of the internet.
Ambulance-Y's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 21:19
Ambulance-Y
too bad it's firing up in like 5 hours. fail.
Professor Pew's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 21:30
Professor Pew
Well since FOX tells us that it will create a black hole, I believe it to be so.
SWE3tMadness's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 22:05
SWE3tMadness
The trouble with the LHC is that it's dealing with shit that we didn't know existed ten years ago, we just have no clue what the hell it's going do - that's why they're firing it up in the first place.

"FOR SCIENCE!"
ace of knaves's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 22:10
ace of knaves
While I'm almost entirely certain nothing will happen tomorrow, I must remind everyone that when scientists tested the first atomic bomb, they calculated a 3% chance it would ignite the atmosphere and destroy all life on Earth, then did it anyway (which is awesome). Nothing happened, and in a way that's reassuring, but you can almost imagine the scientists saying, "We're pretty sure this is safe, so there's no need to worry the public about these small tears in the fabric of space-time we've predicted might appear."

In short, the universe won't end, but it's probably more likely to happen in the minute they turn the LHC on than in the minute before.
Gameboi's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 22:16
Gameboi
Just think of the kick ass reality show this could be turned into? Survivor: Global Edition.
elysse's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 22:20
elysse
famous last words: "No, no, it's all perfectly within range... go ahead, Gordon."
viralhunter's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 23:13
viralhunter
guys...

http://www.gamepolitics.com/2008/09/09/end-world-half-life039s-gordon-freeman-spotted-cern-atom-smasher

he knows...
Aksumka's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 23:15
Aksumka
I hope all that time I spent day dreaming in history a few years ago about this won't go to waste!

Bravo to the boys who sent this crowbar! Here's hoping they use it better than I did.
ajaxender's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 23:19
ajaxender
Im of the opinion that if theres even just a ridiculously tiny chance a resonance cascade could occur from using this thing, it needs to be turned on and used immediately. Im glad they are now prepared.
Swizzler121's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/09/2008 23:31
Swizzler121
Bu..bu... BUT WHAT ABOUT THE HEV SUIT?
TrickyNicky's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/10/2008 00:18
TrickyNicky
I saw a guy with a sign that said "The World Ends 9/10/08" on the offramp to Interstate-70 in Kansas City like a week ago.
Sharpless's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/10/2008 00:31
Sharpless
I think I need to spend these last few minutes fapping to Alyx Vance. It's only appropriate.
Wedge's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/10/2008 00:42
Wedge
Amen.
Fusiontr's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/10/2008 01:19
Fusiontr
The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.
Krow's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/10/2008 01:29
Krow
One hour to go!
The-Excel's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/10/2008 02:04
The-Excel
And now

as I die

I finally know what it means

to be

alive
Ogu's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/10/2008 03:16
Ogu
I just want you guys to know that I'm joining Civil Protection when the Combine arrives.
TewDee's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/10/2008 05:09
TewDee
This is most AWESOME thing I've ever read. God speed crowbar.
Batthink's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/10/2008 05:27
Batthink
I wonder if anyone would think about the possiblity of a crowbar causing an accident there?
Rosseh's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/10/2008 06:43
Rosseh
Don't they know you're not supposed to cross the beams?!
Demtor's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/10/2008 07:32
Demtor
Haha, awesome! Real life Half-life? I've been trained for years now, lets do it.

"Don't drink the water. They put something in the water..."
Hitogoroshi's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/10/2008 10:20
Hitogoroshi
Fucking awesome
wolf428's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/10/2008 14:32
wolf428
All right, who's in for destroying the Combine, all with me say I, we need to be ready!
Bioautographical's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/10/2008 21:30
Bioautographical
I'm only commenting because I thought it said "Large Hardon Collider".
GohanGVO's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/11/2008 00:13
GohanGVO
Crowbar ftmfw.
Muon's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/23/2008 14:33
Muon
Achievement Unlocked: This Sucks
Created the first man-made black hole.
Ninjasnake's Avatar - Comment posted on 10/29/2008 23:02
Ninjasnake
If they ever actually sold some type of half-life 2 crowbar I'd so be all over that.

Of course I could probably just get one from the local home depot so it better come with something special.
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