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It's highly possible that it is the funniest faux FPS ever, but I've been known to get worked up over incredibly stupid things before. Then again, haven't we all? The Onion has a first-hand report on Close Range, the anticipated new game that "consists solely of shooting people point-blank in the face."

As if that weren't enough in and of itself, there's also multiplayer where players take turns capping one another in the head, and let's not forget about the side missions which pit you against deadly creatures like horses and ostriches.

"Who cares. This isn't even a real game, and you're a madman for getting so carried away." Wrong, my friend. I may be a madman, but Close Range is a playable game. Seriously, go give it a spin.

[Via Giant Bomb]


Hot New Video Game Consists Solely Of Shooting People Point-Blank In The Face

Continue: More Violence stories





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28 comments | showing # 1 to 28

Saint Demon's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 00:24
Saint Demon
I think I might actually buy a game like this. And the part where the ostrich is shot in the face is hilarious. I guess PETA would have something else to rally against.
vexed alex's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 00:32
vexed alex
I love the Onion so much.
poonster's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 00:40
poonster
lol i guess if you mega simplify a FPS thats pretty much the jist of it lmao
Dexter345's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 00:43
Dexter345
Ahahahah... I'd play it.
Paul Soth's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 00:48
Paul Soth
Wasn't this the selling point of the Soldier of Fortune series?
13thDragon's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 00:57
13thDragon
Greatest game ever.
Harris Hatsworth's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 01:12
Harris Hatsworth
Is it playable on Sony's Stupid Piece of Shit?
Chronic Logic's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 01:19
Chronic Logic
This is FPS game boiled down to it's purest form.
The Grudge's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 01:20
The Grudge
GOTY! The shotty is my favorite!
NOOOOOOOO! I LOVED HER!
JynxShot's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 01:47
JynxShot
God I fucking love The Onion. When they do game satire, they get that shit spot-on. I thought World of World of Warcraft couldn't be topped.
Neonie's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 01:58
Neonie
I played this.. but now I really wanna know! Why did they kidnap his brother? What was their motive? Was it a set-up and now he has to fight his way out of the office, only to learn they burned down his apartment while he went to go save his brother, and then rally against the evil government run cooperation FOR GREAT JUSTICE?!?!?!
thisissami's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 02:33
thisissami
@Neonie

you'll find out in the sequel!
Reginald's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 03:42
Reginald
I'm stuckkkk in this geame

in level 3, where do you find the purple key in the graveyard ?

k thx bye.



...also nice ostrich headshot
Monodi's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 04:13
Monodi
It's thanksgiving, kids!
PhazonYoshi's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 04:24
PhazonYoshi
GOTY 2009-2020 inclusive.
Drach's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 06:19
Drach
Nah, Chainsaw Dawn will be better. "I DON'T KNOW WHO TO TRUST ANYMORE!"

"NOOOO I LOVED HER!"
wanderingpixel's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 06:33
wanderingpixel
Now all we need is an RPG that consists only of level grinding to beat one boss. The boss is level 50 and you are level 1. So you just grind for hours, beat him, and you win.
XanderSan's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 07:08
XanderSan
Again, I'm too busy finding the first 1:45 funny that I get destroyed by whatever random quip they use to fill the time at the end.

"A new cure to stop children from crying; Smothering!"
Cynical Gamer's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 08:05
Cynical Gamer
We need more games like this. I'm tired of shooting guys with shotguns or rocket launchers in most of today's FPSes only to have them fall over.
Kraid's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 09:06
Kraid
Shooting people in the face is quite amusing
DaedHead8's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 10:26
DaedHead8
Instant Classic. I'll be expecting Rev to do an Indie Nation on this game.
silvain's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 11:02
silvain
@SnipeU2day

Go check the indie games series for a game called "the linear rpg".

That comes close :)
Count Grishnack's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 11:22
Count Grishnack
The Onion, like real onions, make me cry...laughing!

I'll show myself out.
BulletTrain's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 12:09
BulletTrain
Oh god, the ostrich getting blasted in the face is the funniest thing I think I've ever seen.
NihonTiger90's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 12:21
NihonTiger90
The Onion is, as always, fantastic and amazing :D
PappaDukes's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/07/2009 12:54
PappaDukes
this is an actual game, there was a website listed during the news report:

http://www.closerangegame.com/

I played it, and it was awesome.
Danzflor's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/08/2009 00:29
Danzflor
I can't wait for the sequel :D
The Amazing Shenazin's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/08/2009 01:44
The Amazing Shenazin
I just shot Marvin in the face!
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