Contests Official Rules
No Purchase Required to Enter or Win
1. Eligibility: Destructoid.com contests are usually provided by sponsors who, due to customs and shipping costs (yay budgets), often limit participation to individuals who are legal residents of the fifty (50) United States (unless otherwise stated) and are 12 years of age. We encourage our overseas friends to be super sneaky and make a friend in the United States who can receive your prize, and then you two figure out the customs/logistics. Be cautious about who you trust, obviously. Employees of destructoid.com, their advertising or promotion agencies, those involved in the production, development, implementation or handling of Contests, any agents acting for, or on behalf of the above entities, their respective parent companies, officers, directors, subsidiaries, affiliates, licensees, service providers, prize suppliers any other person or entity associated with the Contests (collectively “Contest Entities”) and/or the immediate family (spouse, parents, siblings and children) and household members (whether related or not) of each such employee, are *not* eligible and will be fired and publicly beaten if are caught participating. All U.S., federal, state and local and regulations apply.
2. Agreement to Official Rules: Participation in the Contest constitutes entrant’s full and unconditional agreement to and acceptance of these Official Rules and the decisions of the Sponsor, which are final and binding. Winning a prize is contingent upon fulfilling all requirements set forth herein.
3. Entry Period: The start and end dates/times of each Contest (the “Entry Period”) will be posted on the applicable Contest site.
4. Entry: To enter a Contest, follow the instructions on the Contest site. Submission will result in one (1) entry. The number of times you can enter the Contest will be posted on the applicable Contest site. The use of any agencies or automated software to submit entries will void all entries submitted by that person.
5. Drawing: At the conclusion of the Entry Period, we will select the names of the potential winners in a random drawing of all eligible entries received during each Entry Period. The number of winners to be selected in a specific Contest will be posted on the applicable Contest site. The odds of being selected as a potential winner depend on the number of eligible entries received during the Entry Period. Potential winners will be contacted via email and will be asked to provide their full name, age and mailing address within a specified time period. If a potential winner does not respond within the timeframe stated in the notification email, we may select an alternate potential winner in his/her place at random from all entries received during the Entry Period. Limit one (1) prize per household per Contest.
6. Requirements of the Potential Winners: Winners will be notified by the e-mail address associated with their account on destructoid.com.com and/or receive a Private Message on destructoid.com.com or through a Twitter Direct Message/Facebook message. Winners have five (5) days from the original message alerting them of their winnings to respond and claim their prize. If no winner comes forward within five business days, the prize will be forfeited and raffled again where Destructoid's hardcore fans are most active (forums/community blogs/facebook group).
7. Prize(s): The prize(s) (including each prize’s approximate retail value) available to be won in a specific Contest will be posted on the Contest site. No cash or other substitution may be made, except by the Sponsor, who reserves the right to substitute a prize with another prize of equal or greater value if the prize is not available for any reason as determined by the Sponsor in its sole discretion. The winners are responsible for any taxes and fees associated with receipt or use of a prize. Prizes will be mailed between 1 to 45 business days after winners have replied with their required info.
8. General Conditions: In the event that the operation, security, or administration of the Contest is impaired in any way for any reason, including, but not limited to fraud, virus, or other technical problem, the Sponsor may, in its sole discretion, either: (a) suspend the Contest to address the impairment and then resume the Contest in a manner that best conforms to the spirit of these Official Rules; or (b) award the prizes at random from among the eligible entries received up to the time of the impairment. The Sponsor reserves the right in its sole discretion to disqualify any individual it finds to be tampering with the entry process or the operation of the Contest or to be acting in violation of these Official Rules or in an unsportsmanlike or disruptive manner. Any attempt by any person to undermine the legitimate operation of the Contest may be a violation of criminal and civil law, and, should such an attempt be made, the Sponsor reserves the right to seek damages from any such person to the fullest extent permitted by law. The Sponsor’s failure to enforce any term of these Official Rules shall not constitute a waiver of that provision. In case of a dispute as to the owner of an entry, entry will be deemed to have been submitted by the authorized account holder of the screen name from which the entry is made. The authorized account holder is defined as the natural person who is assigned to an e-mail address by an Internet access provider, online service provider, or other organization responsible for assigning e-mail addresses for the domain associated with the submitted e-mail address.
9.Release and Limitations of Liability: By participating in the Contest, entrants agree to release and hold harmless the Contest Entities from and against any claim or cause of action arising out of participation in the Contest or receipt or use of any prize, including, but not limited to: (a) unauthorized human intervention in the Contest; (b) technical errors related to computers, servers, providers, or telephone or network lines; (c) printing errors; (d) lost, late, postage-due, misdirected, or undeliverable mail; (e) errors in the administration of the Contest or the processing of entries; or (f) injury or damage to persons or property which may be caused, directly or indirectly, in whole or in part, from entrant’s participation in the Contest or receipt of any prize. Entrant further agrees that in any cause of action, the Contest Entities’ liability will be limited to the cost of entering and participating in the Contest, and in no event shall the Contest Entities be liable for attorney’s fees. Entrant waives the right to claim any damages whatsoever, including, but not limited to, punitive, consequential, direct, or indirect damages.
10. Disputes: Except where prohibited, entrant agrees that any and all disputes, claims and causes of action arising out of, or connected with, the Contest or any prize awarded shall be resolved individually, without resort to any form of class action. All issues and questions concerning the construction, validity, interpretation and enforceability of these Official Rules, entrant’s rights and obligations, or the rights and obligations of the Sponsors in connection with the Contest, shall be governed by, and construed in accordance with, the laws of the Commonwealth of Virginia, without giving effect to any choice of law or conflict of law rules (whether of the Commonwealth of Virginia or any other jurisdiction), which would cause the application of the laws of any jurisdiction other than the Commonwealth of Virginia.
11. Contest Results: To enter the contest without needing to buy/sell anything or request a written copy of the name of the winners, send a self-addressed stamped envelope (stating the specific Contest you are requesting the winners for) to destructoid.com Contest Winners 260 King Street Suite 883, San Francisco California 94107. We run many contests, so please be specific in what you are requesting. Winner requests must be received within thirty (30) days from the end date of the applicable contest (they're always posted on our site though). Winners are usually posted the day following the contest on our contest section.
Lastly, Destructoid has the right to kick your ass and take away your prize if you are a total dickhead, so be cool and don't kick any puppies on your way to victory. Have fun with our contests and be a good sport when you win or lose. Remember: First you get the power, then you get the money, then get the baby.
Contest:
5:10 PM on 12.15.2009
| 
Going over to a friend's house for the first time, I wasn't the only one coming over. A quaint little dinner party, consisting of my good friend, his father, his father's girlfriend, my own girlfriend, and myself. We were all sitting down in the living room having a friendly conversation when BLAM-O, I let it loose, and you certainly couldn't lose that wind if you wanted to. Groans and moans coming as it traveled from my girlfriend, to my friend, and onto his father and his girlfriend.
So yeah, kind of embarrassing.
The visual of him and I knife fighting on campus at school was so hilarious that I made this loud fart from laughing so hard. I couldn't control myself. At first, it was embarrassing and a total turn off (as if the knife fighting wasn't) but he laughed at my flatulence and farted as well. Then we found out we were mortal enemies... who fight through farting. With that in mind, we stopped doing whatever we were doing and had a fart battle. Life is good.
I took a long shower that day.
Sorry for the triple post... I hate my internet connection.
I'll post a video on my profile as soon as I find the file. :)
This was to be the 1st time that we set out to meet each other and have a small celebration. But early on in the day, me and half the group that where at the table had lunch brought in, what was to be a lovely sushi lunch later turned in to a ticking time bomb for those of use that ate it.
As we all sat talking I started to get a pain in my stomach, sitting in a nice business suit as everyone else I thought that it would be best that I use the restroom. As I go to stand up I notice that most of use where a bit red(we did not start drinking at all) and where moving a little uncomfortably then as my knees lock, I without warning rip one so loud that the table behind me almost took a step back, as I was totally shocked, My new girlfriend and business partners just stopped and looked in aww, I felt like I was going to die, and before I could run to the bathroom one of the other men at the end of the table stood up and excused himself quickly and as he was about to run, ripped and even heavier fart(this man was about 4'7" and the fart was a monster) as me and him book it to the restroom everyone else even more shocked, half of our table started standing up and running to the restroom as it was now filled with the sounds of me and my new found Japanese brethren releasing what they called, kazai ge. As most of use started finishing up, and now leaving the restroom which I can only describe as now unbearable to enter, I found my new girlfriend at the table laughing with the boss of my new partner. They both stopped for a moment and started to laugh again. I look at them and say sorry, and they laugh even harder, at this point I felt like what I just left in the toilet. The calmed down a bit and said, how did last Mondays sushi taste, as it was now Thursday. I looked at them with a little bit of shock, as the boss starts to say, he had a maid look for it to throw it out the day before but someone move it to the business office frig and they could not find the platter. And that the lunch for us was supposed to be at the local sushi shop down the block.
All in all it was really funny how things turned out and broke the ice on a much needed tense new contract.
So I say unto you, don't underestimate the power of bad sushi or farts. It can break the ice quicker then talking if its timed right.
Needless to say my workout was completely cut short and I left. Went back this morning and stayed away from that room, and just did some free weights :(
Needless to say there were much fewer benefits between us from then on.
Halfway through clubbing a few seals and melting polar ice caps with the ember hot end of my stogey, my stomach started to gurgle. A few well placed clubs later, I stood in horror as my date asked me if I was a furry or something -- as I had suddenly sprouted a brown trail... I mean a wind whisped tail.
I snapped out of my daze, and heaved a sigh of relief. That is, until I remembered I was still stuck in line at the Black Friday sale at Best Buy. Good news is that everyone moved away slowly, and I found myself at the front of the line. Bad news is that I did indeed down a couple white Russians, and decided to wear white after Memorial Day. THE END!
One morning I was particularly gassy, and knew about halfway through the routine that I needed to let out some serious methane. I somehow got through sit-ups, but during the dreaded v-ups, I was letting them fly with every stretch. It was the variety where you clench to try and hold it in, but end up making them that much more squeaky. With everyone around me laughing, I finally broke and stood up, and was just going to run to the bathroom, when one of the teachers shouted at me to stop. He demanded to know what the hell was so important for me to get up in the middle of the exercise.
With perfect comedic timing, I let another glorious squeaker fly just as he asked that. He facepalmed, and waved me off. When I came back out, everyone was laughing still, and our other instructor, who was much older, came to my defense with this retort. "Hey, leave [my last name] alone! So what if the kid made some colon jerky, he coulda taken one in the pills yesterday during dodge ball and gotten rearranged! You want to go to the nurse son?"
I took him up on the offer just to get out of there. Still not sure if the actual fart or the aftermath was more embarrassing, but I was granted reprieve a few weeks later when a kid ran himself so hard that he made fresh colon jerky on the track.
I sneaked off to some far away office a good min away from civilization only to have someone enter moments after "braking wind". Said person said it smelt weird in here and left, I laughed and felt bad.
so the night continues with us doing some mild trespassing (breaking into a government facility to climb a tower), and then me getting a ride home with her. mostly because, by this point, i'm a bit of a drunk ass, and a little because i guilt tripped her about the whole frenulum thing.
of course, as soon as we get to my place, the makeout session continues, and we end up in the bedroom. finding ourselves on the bed, mostly naked, she had decided it was a good idea to head south. turns out it wasn't. i let one go, and she is immediately pissed. "that was in my mouth," i think was the quote. i thought it was a fair trade, she bites my tongue apart, and i fart in her mouth, now we're even. in the real world, however, i got punched in the mouth, and she decided to leave without any more bedroom antics.
so, that's my fart story. hope it gave you a laugh.
Then, the fire alarm rang.
I shit my pants.
On April 12, 2004, a 17 year old (going on 18 in less than a week) Video Cognito found himself at an A&W fast food place in Woodfield Mall. Because they had AMAZING root beer on tap with free refills, my friends and I took part in an intense root beer drinking contest. After a good 5 mugs' worth of contesting, we made our way upstairs to God's little designated land for teddy bear creations, Build-A-Bear.
Upon reaching our destination, we noticed there was a local Girl Scout troop celebrating some sort of birthday or special event. "Ugh, Girl Scouts. This sucks," I proclaimed to my friends. After letting out a long groan, I made my way through the store, looking around at all of the plushie creations. After about a minute, I felt my stomach agree with my negative stance against my mortal enemies. I quickly grinned and huddled my friends around me, explaining the next course of action.
"Guys, I'm gonna fart on a Girl Scout. There's just no way I can let this fart go to waste, and one of these little girls deserves it better than the air does," I explained to them. In agreement and immaturity, they positioned themselves a few feet away from me as I looked for a suitable target. Then, it dawned on me: "Shit, there's a little girl right here on the Build-A-Bear computer!" (For those who haven't had the pleasure of being inside a Build-A-Bear, they have these little computers where you can print out your teddy bear's birth certificate with its name and whatnot.)
Coyly gesturing towards the Soon-To-Be Gas Scout to my friends, I positioned my butt towards her general facial direction and let loose a gentle, fluffy *poot*. Full of giggles and a sense of accomplishment, my friends and I ran out of the store in haste. "I GIRL SCOUTED HER!" I exclaimed to the rest of the world.
More than five years later, the act of farting on a person is still referred to as "Girl Scouting." I have lived a very successful life.
I was standing in the kitchen with my sister and I decided to be funny and fart in her direction. I turned my ass toward her and pushed hard to make it a good one... and immediately shit started running down my leg. Yep, shit my pants. Don't act like you've never done it. My sister will never let me live that one down.
Anyway, we were sitting together on the couch and thinking it would be cute I put my legs up on him while I leaned back against the arm rest. Apparently I was a bit too relaxed at this point because I let loose with a fart that rocked the foundation of our rental property. Not only did I completely blow wind all over the guy I was supposed to still be courting, but our friend who was also there was horribly disgusted by it.
The relationship didn't end well, I wonder if he secretly always held that first fart against me.
As we sat there watching TV, I could feel a strange sensation in my bowels. Before I knew it, I had let out an obnoxiously loud (and smelly) fart. This probably would've been funny if I hadn't sharted.
In a nutshell, I sharted on my cousin in front of my entire family.