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Cliffy B blames tech for bald space marine overload photo
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filed under: #Epic Games

Have you ever wondered why this generation's games are full of bald space marines in brown and gray environments? Of course you haven't, but don't worry, Cliffy B explains it all -- a bit like Clarissa, except you never wanked over Maxim pics of Cliffy B when you were fourteen.

"The technology of this generation just happens to be very good at rendering metals and stones and dramatic lighting," Cliff notes, explaining why games like Gears of War are so gray. "The tech is good at showing off armor and it's not that good at doing hair ... that's why we have bald space marines."

So, it's the technological limitations, and not the lack of imagination from game developers, that is apparently to blame. Doesn't quite explain why the brightly colored and marine-free Viva Piñata games are the best looking titles this generation, but there ya go!


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28 comments | showing # 1 to 28

Soulwax's Avatar
Soulwax at 07/03/2009 08:28
A bad workman blames his tools.
Drauglim's Avatar
Drauglim at 07/03/2009 08:30
Gears of War 3 with pinatas. NOICE!
GuitarAtomik's Avatar
GuitarAtomik at 07/03/2009 08:31
Not to mention that if you're in the military, you have to shave your head (or at least keep it really short). From a fiction point it just makes sense.
VodRedB's Avatar
VodRedB at 07/03/2009 08:38
Last time I checked hardware only rendered what the software engine gave it to chew on ...
JustLikeBuck's Avatar
JustLikeBuck at 07/03/2009 08:48
Doesn't explain how they can make Ratchet's fur look like Pixar had a hand in developing it, or how Nathan Drake and Heavenly Sword's Nariko's hair look fantastic. Lets not mention Beyonetta, who's whole outfit is made of hair ;)

I'm cherry picking games that don't use the Unreal 3 Engine, but no Cliff, it's a problem with every game, isn't it?
Volomon's Avatar
Volomon at 07/03/2009 08:48
I honestly haven't notice this, but I'm playing on the PS3. Nathan drake has hair. Folklore characters have hair. Killzone characters have hair.

I don't even know what he's talking about.
Usedtabe's Avatar
Usedtabe at 07/03/2009 08:53
No, it's just the unreal 3 engine that has a problem with. IT also has a fuckton of problems with netcode. See: Gears of War 2 and any other MP game that uses UE3.
whormongr's Avatar
whormongr at 07/03/2009 09:09
@Volomon I am on the ps3 too, though most everything on ps3 seems to be the havok engine
CocoJambo's Avatar
CocoJambo at 07/03/2009 09:17
Bald rendering technologies.
Chronic Logic's Avatar
Chronic Logic at 07/03/2009 09:25
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ASpaceMarineIsYou
wardrox's Avatar
wardrox at 07/03/2009 09:27
As he says, it's to do with the way light dispersion exists and how it's rendered. And some other stuff.

Basically, he's right, but dumbed down his point quite a bit.
ChaosTeaCup's Avatar
ChaosTeaCup at 07/03/2009 09:35
It works doesn't it!?!? You ever look at Giger paintings? Easily one of the best Sc-fi painters ever, and yet seldom a colour seen. It's the sci-fi look. It works. Some of us don't mind it, hell some us even love it. As much as I love Viva pinata, it's no way one of the best looking titles this generation. I used to like cartoons when I was younger, but now not so much. Call me an old-fashioned male, but I like gritty stuff. And so do a lot of us. Sorry about that...
whormongr's Avatar
whormongr at 07/03/2009 09:39
ChaosTeaCup is an old-fashioned male
Rockvillian's Avatar
Rockvillian at 07/03/2009 10:17
I agree with Wardox, he dumbed down his point quite a bit.

Also Cliffy's thinking too much. Shadow of the Colossus had me believe there was hair on the Colossi, the horse, and the protagonist, but it didn't have to go to the great lengths of dynamically lighting and adding physics to every single hair follicle - it knew what to focus on. You could give our game characters working endocrine systems cause your tech can do it, but what the hell does it add to the game?
F Whipple's Avatar
F Whipple at 07/03/2009 10:32
I'm just here for the Clarissa Explains it All reference. Made my day
MuddBstrd's Avatar
MuddBstrd at 07/03/2009 10:32
"Cliffy B explains it all -- a bit like Clarissa, except you never wanked over Maxim pics of Cliffy B when you were fourteen"

I can assure you that, were there a spread of CliffyB in Maxim when I was fourteen, I would have.
ikiryou's Avatar
ikiryou at 07/03/2009 11:21
Cliffy B upon first realization that he doesn't have the skills necessary to "draw" hair on a digitally designed character:

That's it man, game over man, game over! What the fuck are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?
ikiryou's Avatar
ikiryou at 07/03/2009 11:24
Oops! Sorry for the F-Bomb o_0

Edit button, please!
Nitex's Avatar
Nitex at 07/03/2009 11:29
I'm just sticking to the Cliffy B is a douche bag deal. I swear him and Dane Cook are cousins. Annoying fucktards.
wanderingpixel's Avatar
wanderingpixel at 07/03/2009 12:04
Space Marines live in space.
Orionsaint's Avatar
Orionsaint at 07/03/2009 12:22
PwnanObrien's Avatar
PwnanObrien at 07/03/2009 12:28
The PS3 can dedicate a couple hundred more polygons to a character's limit, which doesn't really buy you much in terms of silhouette but you can make hair a bit smoother. Thus you get shit like Heavenly Sword.
Los255's Avatar
Los255 at 07/03/2009 12:42
He should use either Okami's engine or Viewtiful Joe's engine.
brainderailment's Avatar
brainderailment at 07/03/2009 12:43
Correction

"UE3 just happens to be very bad at rendering anything other than metals and stones and dramatic lighting, The tech is only good at showing off armor and it's not that good at doing hair ... that's why we have bald space marines."
Dexter345's Avatar
Dexter345 at 07/03/2009 13:49
Yeah, it might explain the lack of hair, but it doesn't really explain the lack of color.
boots555's Avatar
boots555 at 07/03/2009 13:49
What about Snakes hair from MGS4? EPIC!
Grasshopper7's Avatar
Grasshopper7 at 07/03/2009 15:25
"Cliffy B explains it all -- a bit like Clarissa, except you never wanked over Maxim pics of Cliffy B when you were fourteen."
Get out of my head Jim! Get out of my head!!!!
Syn's Avatar
Syn at 07/03/2009 18:21
Cliff notes?
Cliff's Notes?
Cliffy B's Notes!
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