That right there is a photo of me celebrating my 27th birthday at Chuck E. Cheese's. It was a depressing, miserable experience, watching children mindlessly pump tokens into ticket redemption scams so they could walk out the door with a piece of plastic worth less than fifty cents.
Now, UFO Interactive will bring the experience of child exploitation into your home! A listing has cropped up on GameFly for a kart racing game based on the Chuck E. Cheese's license. Yes. This is a real thing that is scheduled for release in late October.
Thing is, they've more or less gotten rid of all the characters in the Chuck universe. Last time I was there, I didn't see anyone other than the titular mouse and the stage show was stripped down to just him. Who the hell else are they going to have playable? And why do I care?
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and drown myself in a bathtub now. Things like this just prove that life isn't worth living anymore.