Cashwh0re is getting a spontaneous redesign today! Please pardon our dust

2:47 AM on 12.06.2007   |   Niero

106 comments

Why are you awake at this hour?  Isn't there a soul sucking MMO you should be attending to? 

Well, since you're up, I wanted to let you know that we're undergoing a little site maintenance to take down the epicness that was Cashwh0re and roll back to our old name, but under a new mantra that better reflects the state of the industry: DESTRUCTOID - The hardcore Gamer community WHERE REVIEWS ARE NOT FOR SALE. I know it may look like it had something to do with Jeff getting fired from Gamespot for giving a crap game a bad review, but I assure you that it is just a coincidence. We gave it an 11/10 - best game ever, ever, ever.

Are we to blame for their bad press?  Hardly.  I think Billy Joel said it best: "We didn't start the fire, so don't taze me, bro." We're just happy to spread the word about Jeff's unethical dismissal, which actually would also be a great phrase to describe a profane sex act ... Oh, I know!  it's when you take a dump on a partner immediately after sex and then lock them in the bedroom, dissappear for a week, then you pretend you never defecated and blame it on THEM.  

So has Gamespot/C|NET given a heartfelt apology to Jeff and their community yet? Nope.  That would require COJONES, which are apparently hard to come by when you're not independently owned. Instead, they're repeatedly denying the whole thing while simultaneously announcing that they have no plans to review Kane and Lynch for the PC any time soon.I bet they are busy shopping his job around in the office asking staff members to pay tributes to him for a possible promotion. Well then, we're all sure it was just a coincidence  that Jeff was locked out of his office abruptly, the video review was pulled, and a handful of other key people quit. Ahem. So I offer this brief open letter, if anyone's listening...

Dear C|NET suit, whomever you are, cowardly hiding behind your middle managers: 

Nobody believes you would fire a high profile 11-year senior employee because the audio was bad in the game review. Give me a break. Your PR agency must be smoking fantastic crack and it THEM that should be fired instead, clearly. Why not blame the entire thing on them instead, or better yet, fire yourself for damaging a brand that's worth 20% of C|NET's stockholder's fortunes, stupid? You get a 6/10!

Look.  People make mistakes.  Come clean already.  We want to see Jeff win in the end, and you're not going to wipe the ugly stain with PR bullshit. EVER.  Guys just like me will remind everyone on a regular basis.  You brought down the entire industry's accountability with your nonsense and we all took it personally.  If you ever decide to come clean one day (that is, apologize for Jeff and the 2 other PR write-ups full of spin, so 3 apologies total that are not signed "staff") then I personally promise to take the cashwh0re.com site down, and the rest of the Internet may feel satisfied that the right thing was ultimately done, however late.

Until then, I'm marking it on my calendar so we can bring it back every year and forever extend our 9/10 review score sale eternally! Haven't seen the video yet?  It's epic!  Don't look me in the eyes at SpikeTV Awards or I'll robo-headbutt you.

- Niero

Special thanks to everyone who provided feedback on the new upcoming site layout. both staff and community. I would like to take this opportunity to thank all journalists and webmasters that rallied together in supporting the Cashwh0re parody.  Look mom, 26,800 web sites link to cashwh0re!  How's that for freedom of the press?