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Breasts are awesome: uncut Need for Speed: ProStreet promo proves as much

Nov 26 // Earnest Cavalli

Normally I'm really highbrow. I wear a smoking jacket at entirely inappropriate times, fill my pipe with the shredded remains of a Jane Eyre first edition and often refer to cars as "horseless cars." However, neither that trademark pretension nor my inability to read Polish could tarnish my glee after receiving this link from Polish site Polygamia collecting the vaguely infamous nudie pics EA has been using to promote Need for Speed: ProStreet, the Old Man and the Sea of peeling out and assuming all Asian people hang tiny dragons from their rearview mirrors.

See, that link contains two of my favorite things in the history of mankind: the female body unsullied by age, child birth, meth addiction, animal attacks or nuclear fallout and laughably sexist renditions of the old adage "sex sells."

Surely, placing fantastic breasts in front of phallic motor vehicles is as close to actually having a woman insert the NFS:PS disc into her vagina as you can get without actively upsetting the then-marginalized female denizens of the 'net, and to EA's credit, the target audience for a game like this is exactly the sort who wouldn't be bothered by things like sexism, or the fact that Susan B. Anthony's zombified corpse is a ravenous beast hungering only for brains and the male genitalia they happen to be encased within.

All that aside though, even the most bra-burningly active activist can't deny the beauty found in nekkid ladies. Girls are pretty. Pretty girls especially so. With that in mind, let's all forget about the underlying social issues present in this piece and instead just marvel at the grace of the female form.

It's what John Wayne would do. 

(Also, I should have mentioned that that link isn't work-safe a while ago, but if any of you actually get fired for glorifying beauty, your boss never loved you in the first place.) 


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Earnest Cavalli // Contributor
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I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have ... full profile | More staff profiles

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