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BREAKING REPORT: All horse-based videogames tied to Scientology

10:14 AM on 04.01.2008, Dale North 28 comments

BREAKING REPORT: All horse-based videogames tied to Scientology photo
     Animals

GREEN GABLES: FoxToid has just uncovered what may be the biggest religion-based videogame scandal since the 1991 release of Wisdom Tree Inc. title Bible Adventures.

Early this morning, authorities launched a synchronized surprise raid on industry-leading videogame developers and publishers like Atari, Ubeesoft, D4, Buthesduh, THque, and BeastiSoft, among others, in attempts to uncover evidence of their involvement in what is being called Equestrian Science  Alliance. 

According to authorities, these videogame makers have banded together with the Church of Scientology to incorporate brain washing devices into all of their horse-based videogames. Horsezzz, Let's Ride Me, and Boobie Horse Adventures are listed among the almost 90 titles that contain subliminal messages of alien worship and animal love.

FoxToid attempted to reach the Ring horse for comment, but he declined, opting to place his right eye really close to the camera lens instead. 

UPDATE: A new report tells us that some of the print/magazine world may also been linked to the ESA, though no confirmations have surfaced yet. DeAgostini publication I Love Horses uses a promotional song that is sure to contain subliminal messages that control the listener's brain.


Next page: More Satire stories




king3vbo's Avatar
king3vbo at 04/01/2008 10:21
They want us to treat animals with care and love? THOSE BASTARDS
MrSadistic's Avatar
MrSadistic at 04/01/2008 10:23
Game of the fucking year in my book.
Topher Cantler's Avatar
Topher Cantler at 04/01/2008 10:23
Surely you would never spy Geraldo Beedog using horses to lure people into freaky religious cults. Geraldo Beedog uses horses only for riding into town in order to catch train robbers, as beedog sheriffs often do.
tkyy's Avatar
tkyy at 04/01/2008 10:24
Did Tom Cruise adopted one of those as his 35233th child?
Surf314's Avatar
Surf314 at 04/01/2008 10:24
What about Harry Potter raping horses on stage, does that have to do with Scientology too?
Justice's Avatar
Justice at 04/01/2008 10:24
My little pony... this whole time! B*stards!

Another picture of the horses from the XENU HORSELUV game has been recovered and seems to add more light to this situation:



It's true, it's all trueeeee!
tazarthayoot's Avatar
tazarthayoot at 04/01/2008 10:26
OMG SNUFFLES WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU!?
Cowzilla3's Avatar
Cowzilla3 at 04/01/2008 10:40
I use to play my little pony all the tim...i mean i use to fight and shoot things. Screw ponies and scientology.
Velt's Avatar
Velt at 04/01/2008 10:41
they use the little ponys to have sex!!!
NihonTiger90's Avatar
NihonTiger90 at 04/01/2008 10:42
OMG NO WAI :O
brosef's Avatar
brosef at 04/01/2008 10:42
Goddammit I love this site...
Redzie's Avatar
Redzie at 04/01/2008 10:47
Alam mong mahal na mahal kita, Dale North.
Professor Pew's Avatar
Professor Pew at 04/01/2008 10:58
At least horses don't remind me of all the illegal mexican scum that is defiling America.
mix's Avatar
mix at 04/01/2008 10:58
Boobie Horse Adventures sounds awesome to me, pre-ordering that today!
13thDragon's Avatar
13thDragon at 04/01/2008 11:34
I agree, Boobie Horse Adventures does sound jawesome.
Ogu's Avatar
Ogu at 04/01/2008 11:39
Justice's horses are huggung.
Chocobo Knight's Avatar
Chocobo Knight at 04/01/2008 11:48
If Tom Cruise is endorsing this, it must be GREAT!!
TehBoognish's Avatar
TehBoognish at 04/01/2008 11:57
TEST-A-PHYIED! I just got this game from Bust-Buy and the free can of gold paint and plastic baggie they were giving away with it was a great idea. I have never played a morefungame .n;BIK12 ';KM&ikl:"KBJ XJ<ASc
Necros's Avatar
Necros at 04/01/2008 15:13
I knew it! Conspiracy!
Miyuutsuu's Avatar
Miyuutsuu at 04/01/2008 17:04
I wonder if Barbaro was snuffed out because he was about to snitch out on this conspiracy. The whole 'broken leg' incident might have been an inside job warning, to not say a damn word. Or use that peanut butter trick.

The world may never know...
NegFactor's Avatar
NegFactor at 04/01/2008 18:27
But you missed one important fact. Bible Adventures was also linked to scientology years before! TAKE THAT, CHRISTIANITY! ONE MORE BABY MOSES IN THE RIVER FOR THE TEAM!
Eschatos's Avatar
Eschatos at 04/01/2008 23:54
Scientologist furries?
PetiePal's Avatar
PetiePal at 04/02/2008 09:39
Dude Hairy Potter's Equis is coming out for the Wii!
HarassmentPanda's Avatar
HarassmentPanda at 04/02/2008 11:28
I love horses might be the best song ever!
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