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BREAKING: Geoff Keightley's copy of Mass Effect arrested in teen rape scandal photo

ZIMBABWE: Police have arrested game journalist Geoff Knightley's copy of Mass Effect for indecent exposure and filthy, filthy acts of unnatural sodomy. A neighbor phoned 911 after spotting the Mature-rated jewel case sprawled doggy-style on top of a helpless oak entertainment center. "I was near a window while digging for treasure in his yard and there it was! Humping it in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility you can think of." Authorities escorted the four-disc copulation simulator from his soiled apartment while "developmental furniture maker" Copper Rincewind comforted the 14-year old cabinet with a fluffy yellow dust tickler and lemon-scented Pledge wipes.

Minutes later a Foxtoid sexpert tried contacting the legal guardian of the game to comment on behalf of his estranged Xbox 360 title but the interview quickly turned violent.  Geoff refused to cooperate with the press, only yelling: "IT'S A F*CKING INANIMATE VIDEO GAME BOX!  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU RETARDS?!!" before he was wrestled to the ground by nearby retired police dogs and sailors. Mass Effect is currently serving 21+ years at ESRB penitentiary with no hope of parole.

[Via Wikipedia]

 








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36 comments | showing # 1 to 36
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RRDelay's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 04:05
RRDelay
Dammit, Mass effect is art.

It's art dammit, why don't they understand!
vexed alex's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 04:13
vexed alex
Serves them video games right!

I'm tired of seeing parents have to watch their kids. It's insane. Adults should be able to do whatever they want, and whenever they want. Children should not have to burden us with their needs.

Parenting is a thing of the past and I will not stand to see video games try and resurrect such a prehistoric job. Hell, if I could I'd wrap my children around in a huge bubble. That way they can't be exposed to any type of danger. Hell, they may be weaker and socially retarded, but at least they're safe and I had to do very little.

Away with video games. AWAY!
Samit Sarkar's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 04:14
Samit Sarkar
I’m burning an effigy of Geoff Knightley as I type this.
Holyetheline's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 04:15
Holyetheline
I knew that would happen sooner or later.
wardrox's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 04:15
wardrox
He looked at me when he did it, I was so upset the terrorists won.
Toneman's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 04:15
Toneman
I always knew Mass Effect was into that kind of kinky shit.....
Anus Mcphanus's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 04:19
Anus Mcphanus
I never could understand why my gaming cabinet stopped talking to me and just stared blankly out of the window... and then I remember I used to play with Mass Effect and now it all makes sense...

BURN THE GRANDPARENTS!!
Boolean's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 04:20
Boolean
WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?
power-glove's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 04:22
power-glove
Evil! Evil!
Bob Muir's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 04:27
Bob Muir
I'm so disappointed in you, Mass Effect.
MaximusPaynicus's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 04:38
MaximusPaynicus
It's obvious what the root of all of this is, people:

Geoff Keighley is in cahoots with Osama bin Laden.
tkyy's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 04:54
tkyy
Kill him please.
CypherVR's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 05:08
CypherVR
EVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
Mabec's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 05:18
Mabec
soooo bad joke its... bad.
Cheeburga's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 05:20
Cheeburga
As Star Wold would have said.

"NO! I don't believe it!"
Drunken Haze's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 05:33
Drunken Haze
bad overused meme is bad and overused
Justice's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 05:36
Justice
It cannot be!
AILDFan's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 06:00
AILDFan
Mass Effect needs to feel the warm, lovingly warmth that only prayer beads, Chrísto, and self-denial can bring you.

That or it can burn in the chair.
Nordstorm's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 06:02
Nordstorm
I knew this all along. Them video games are bad for you.
Fronz's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 06:07
Fronz
True story.
Kryptinite's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 06:07
Kryptinite
WTF happened to the first page!!!!!
Nogarda's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 06:14
Nogarda
mass effect caused me to rape aliens it needz toz bees banned XD

lol 2nd best april fools XD

1st was seeing nintendo fanboys go nuts at the death of shigeru miyamoto who died of a heart attack leaving behind wife child.... and plumber and boy in green. David Beckham sends his sincere condolances XD

3rd best is blizzard entertainments trailer of wow on the Atari 2600 XD
BFeld13's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 06:14
BFeld13
That slut was asking for it.
Dead Movie Star's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 06:22
Dead Movie Star
God damn video games!
Kaspar's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 06:34
Kaspar
In other news: Foxtoid is pure gold.
Hoygeit's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 07:19
Hoygeit
Mass Effect is my baby's daddy!

Come back to me!
xper's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 08:06
xper
during the arrest, geoff keighly pleaded the grabbing policeman: "DON'T TASE ME BRO' DON'T TASE ME!!!" upon which keighley was tased to the floor and incapacitated
Lavallee017's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 08:34
Lavallee017
@Heretic

HAHA! I literally just laughed out loud at work! but its all good, I just told my Boss I was checking fox news quickly and she totally understood why I might be laughing.

Foxtoid=WIN!
Camalen's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 09:21
Camalen
Geoff Keightley me enseñó a hablar el alemán. Yo no te los hombres, pero me encanta Geoff Keightley.
Jaren Face's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 10:55
Jaren Face
N... no Geoff...
I won't believe this... I... I just can't...
Knivy's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 14:15
Knivy
They should've hanged Mass Effect, damn filth corrupting society.
Camalen's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 15:22
Camalen
¿Por qué dicen que mi nombre es Santana? Ese no es mi nombre real.
sushi111's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 16:56
sushi111
Dont let discs like this near my children.
Aziel13's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 17:52
Aziel13
*facepalm*
Spartacus's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/01/2008 20:02
Spartacus
Well, I won't be voting for him.
HarassmentPanda's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2008 11:19
HarassmentPanda
Dtoid needs more Geoff Knightly coverage.
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