Bouchedags sucked, so how did it beat these guys?

Earlier today when I posted my vitriolic reaction to the winner of the Xbox Live Originals contest, I received an almost unanimous flood of e-mails filled with swears and death threats merely for propagating that walking abortion of a video. While I'm a proponent of free speech, I'm also a proponent of not sucking so hard as to create an earthbound quantum singularity that pulls not only flesh and bones from anything nearby but also somehow the still theologically hypothetical Immortal Soul from man, woman, and confusingly enough small fish. While it lends credence to that Christianity deal that so many people seem to have shameful erections for, everything contained in that clip serves as irrefutable evidence against the existence of a caring God ... or at least evidence of a caring God who also has an evil, goatee-clad doppelgänger who gets the keys to the OmnipotenceMobile every Tuesday and Thursday. Where you at now Archangel Michael?

As a sort of ocular amuse-gueule, I present the above clip. That film was created by the fine folks at Overtime Comedy, the sexiest people to ever seriously contemplate my suggestions of water sports pornography, and one of the nine runner-ups that tragically lost in the most horrifying incident of corruption since the 1919 World Series. Theories on what went wrong range from ancient Illuminati schemes, to untimely incursion by Reverse Vampires from ailing Eastern Bloc countries, but one thing is for sure: if there is a Devil, he's almost guaranteed a $100,000 budget and a six-episode contract from Microsoft by the end of the week.