Hi. My name is Blake. I like games and shit. I study at university... writing and that jazz, though you probably couldn't tell it. Ok, shit you want to know.
Favourite Games: Dark Souls, Resident Evil 4, Timesplitters 2, Silent Hill 2, Ape Escape, Banjo Kazooie.
Favourite Movies: Cabin in the Woods, Shaun of the Dead, Clerks, Fight Club, Machete, Dr Horribles Sing Along Blog.
Favourite TV Shows: Breaking Bad, Community, Arrested Development, Parks And Recreation, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Garth Marenghi's Dark Place, Black Books, The IT Crowd, Battlestar Galactica, Deadwood, South Park etc.
Favourite Bands: Maudlin of the Well, Diablo Swing Orchestra, Clouddead, Dalek, Smashing Pumpkins, Eminem, Cynic, Porcupine Tree, Ne Obliviscaris, Die Antwoord, Opeth.
The Last of Us: So, these are the guys who made the Uncharted games, but I was really confused because there's like very few bullets, and the story was stupid. Where's the good guy? Why is it so depressing? Games are supposed to make me feel empowered, not sad! Overall, I just thought it was a terrible experience. There weren't even any one liners!
Mass Effect 3: I bought this game because of the awesome looking space marine on the cover, but I was really disappointed that most of the game is talking. What is this, a book? I want to kill things, not be told a story. I don't give a shit about the creepers, or the serbians or whatever. And why would anyone play as anything other than a soldier? It seems pointless to have these other classes when guns are like the best thing ever.
Amnesia: The Dark Descent: I love horror games. I mean, Resident Evil 5 is like my favourite game ever (Yeah, Co-op Bitch!), but this game doesn't even give you a gun. You have to hide from your enemies. What kind of pussy am I playing as? Also, why the shit am I scared of the dark. Why are there so many puzzles? I don't want to think when I play games!
Serious Sam 3: There is no regenerating health. There's no cover. I can hold more than two weapons at a time. THIS GAME IS SO UNREALISTIC!!!! I mean I played Doom the other day, and that game is really bad so why try to copy it? All games should copy Halo, because Halo is like the best game ever!
Remember Me: You play as a girl, and she's not in a bikini? Wtf? She doesn't even get naked! The game makes me kiss a dude too, which is totally gay, and wrong on so many levels. I'm a guy! I don't kiss guys you stupid fucking game. Why would you make a game like this? Girls don't play games! Unless this is for the gays? But gays are evil! They r*pe people and stuff. And they brainwash you to make you want to suck their cocks! They're evil, and they're all going to hell.
Binding of Isaac: This game is just wrong. Christians aren't the bad guys! The woman is just doing as god tells her and her son is trying to kill her because he's possessed by the devil. That's messed up! Why would you make everyone in the world hate you?
Spec Ops: The Line: This is a terrible game. Americans are the bad guys! We're the good guys! We always do what's right, like Vietnam and Iraq! We single handedly killed Hitler, Stalin, and Osama Bin Laden! We invented Christianity, and are basically the greatest country ever! And the first Country ever, let's not forget that! So they can't be the bad guys, that's just silly. I don't want to shoot someone if they don't have a beard or severe skin pigmentation!