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wanderingpixel avatar 5:26 PM on 07.04.2010  (server time)

Huh... what? Sorry, I'm sort of drifting in and out of consciousness. See, my friend got these totally legal fireworks and we came up with this game where each of us holds a lit fire cracker in his or her hand while in the pool, and the last one to chicken out and drop there's in the water wins. So, yeah, I won. Now my fingers are gone, I'm losing blood, and... I can't really remember anything after that. My friends said I should go to the hospital, but I'm a man, and hospitals are for women. Besides, I still have one good hand, which is how I'm writing this right now.

Anyway, not much going on here, so I thought I would write an article on the best 4th of July video game ever: Metal Wolf Chaos.

Originally released for the Xbox back in 2004, Metal Wolf Chaos you play as the president of the United States, Michael Wilson, who must save the good olí USA from the Vice President, who is actually an evil fascist/dictator/terrorist/Dick Cheney, and his army of rebels. Youíll travel to all sorts of exotic, but American, locations like New York City, San Francisco, Las Vegas, and Chicago. You must defeat the Vice Presidentís army and complete objectives to liberate each of the major cities, before doing battle with the VP himself back in Washington D.C.

Did I mention all this is done using robots?

Yeah, the president is highly skilled in the piloting of robot battle suits, and he uses his ultra patriotic mecha firepower to blow shit up real good. The Vice President also has a robot suit, which is black. That means heís evil, obviously.

Remember that movie where Harrison Ford was the president of the United States and he kicked the bad guy out of Air Force One? Well, take that scene, times it by twenty, throw in Michael Bay inspired explosions, and robots, and a hot secretary, AND have it developed by the Japanese. You now have Metal Wolf Chaos. Congratulations?

Itís difficult to describe the brilliance of this game through words; also Iím starting to drift out again. So here is a video you can watch to help you fully appreciate the artistic merits of Metal Wolf Chaos.

Amazing, amiright? Anyway, I have to go. Iím starting to lose a lot of blood and things are getting a little hazy. Until next time, kids!

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