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About
I am also a contributer on Damnlag dot com. You can read my column, Broken Pixels and check out all the other great stuff we've got going on there. Just remember to wear pants.

Anyway, about me...

My name is Jack Ninivaggi AKA Wandering Pixel, and I'm here to rock your world! Or at least cause some sort of tremor.

I live over on the east coast in New Jersey. My favorite types of games are those that have great writing. I'm going to college right now and plan on majoring in either communications or literature. When I'm not playing games I'm either reading a book or comic, watching a movie or sleeping. I'm a huge fan of animation and my favorite thing to do is watch old animated films, I'm also a theater geek, and frequently make trips to New York to watch the latest musicals and plays on Broadway. one day I plan on making a living by writing, though I haven't yet decided what kind of writing I want to do. Anyway, this is my blog. Enjoy!

You can contact me at jackninivaggi@yahoo.com

I also have a Facebook you can check out here.

This is my interview, which was conducted by the oh so sexy LawofThermalDynamics.

My Idols:
Stanley Kubrick
Alan Moore
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Philip K. Dick
Steven Spielberg
Hiro Miyazaki
Brad Bird

Here are some lists of my favorite things in no particular order.

Games:
1.) Half-Life 2
2.) Bioshock
3.) Spyro the Dragon
4.) Sonic CD
5.) Shadow of the Colossus

Movies:
1.) Blade Runner
2.) Ratatouille
3.) The Third Man
4.) Spirited Away
5.) Up

TV Shows:
1.) Lost
2.) Big Love
3.) Futurama
4.) Avatar: The Last Airbender
5.) Invader Zim

Anime:
1.) Neon Genesis Evangelion
2.) Cowboy Bebop
3.) Akira
4.) Anything by Miyazaki
5.) Or anything with cool robots

Musicians:
1.) John Lennon
2.) Bob Dylan
3.) John Hiatt
4.) Idina Menzel
5.) Utada Hikari

Books
1.) Harry Potter
2.) His Dark Materials
3.) The Great Gatsby
4.) Biographies
5.) World War Z

Graphic Novels
1.) Watchmen
2.) The Killing Joke
3.) The Long Halloween
4.) Ghost World
5.) From Hell

Comics
1.) Runaways
2.) Batman
3.) Hell Boy
4.) The Umbrella Academy
5.) X-Men

Musicals:
1.) Rent
2.) Wicked
3.) Little Shop of Horrors
4.) Avenue Q
5.) Sweeney Todd

Plays:
1.) Speed the Plow
2.) Hamlet
3.) A Streetcar Named Desire
4.) Our Town
5.) Macbeth

Magazines/Newspapers:
1.) The New Yorker
2.) EGM
3.) Entertainment Weekly
4.) Game Informer
5.) The New York Times

Articles from the front page:
I, the Author: Midnight Run
Nothing is Sacred: Getting into Character
Video Game Characters Solve the Oil Spill Crisis

Motivational Poster Series
Destructoid Editors
Destructoid Community Members

Wandering Pixel's Guide to Amazing Games
Warpath: Jurassic Park

Useless Lists
Things to Do While Waiting for Your PS3 Game to Install
State Sex Moves(NSFW)
Present Tools of Destruction, The Top Ten Guns of All Time
5 Reasons Why I Want To Buy A PS3, But...
5 Of The Most Annoying Dicks In Gaming
Player Profile
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Following (16)  




Video games have given us some of the most memorable and influential characters in entertainment: Mario, Link, Pac-Man, and Gordon Freeman to name a few. These characters have become household names as synonymous with everyday life as John F. Kennedy and Elvis Presley. Unfortunately, not all of gaming’s most memorable characters are memorable for good reasons. Some of them are remembered for being some of the most annoying dicks in all of entertainment.

These creatures go by many names: douchebags, assholes, bastards, and cheap-asses. However, the most common name in usage is dicks. Gaming is filled with some of the biggest dicks you’ll ever be forced to interact with. Here are just a few examples of gaming’s biggest dicks.





Lakitu (Super Mario Bros)

Metadick Rating: 73

Biggest Dick Move: Destroying the Flow of a Mario Level

In Super Mario Bros, Goombas, Koopas and Piranha Plants are pretty easy to take down. Even Bowser becomes a cake walk once you’ve got the timing down. But then there is Lakitu, a turtle who rides on a cloud and drops spiked turtles in your path. Your first instinct is to run away, but Lakitu breaks the rules and follows you through the entire level. Even if you do manage to take him down, another one will appear a few seconds later to continue the spiked shell carpet bombing.

Every game has that one enemy who makes you cringe every time you see it. Lakitu, however, is definitely among the worse. In recent years, Nintendo has attempted to clean up Lakitu’s image by making him into Mario’s private helper. He does the countdown in Mario Kart as well as hold the camera for you in Super Mario 64, but don’t be fooled. Lakitu has not change his ways, he’s just as big a dick now as he was then. He’s just biding his time until Mario lets his guard down, and when he does, BAM! Spiked turtle shells will rain down upon the earth just as it was predicted in some religion’s Holy Book.

It also doesn’t help that he handles a camera about as well as Michael Bay.





Slippy Toad (Star Fox)

Metadick Rating: 80

Biggest Dick Move: Existing

Some people say that Slippy is the Jar Jar Binks of the Star Fox franchise. I think it’s an insult to the good name of Jar Jar Binks. At least Jar squared only appeared prominently in one movie, and he didn’t try piloting one of the ships. Slippy has not only appeared in every single Star Fox game, including Star Fox Adventures (seriously, they took out Falco but kept this guy), and he is probably the worst driver since Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon 4. There needs to be a rule that when a fellow pilot gets their into trouble that many times, friendly fire should be overlooked in favor of the mission.

I’ve always theorized that Slippy is actually a spy, sent by Andross to sabotage Star Fox’s efforts through the power of annoyance. Then again, maybe Andross just did that in the hopes that Star Fox would realize Slippy’s facade and execute him, that way Andross wouldn’t have to fill out all the paper work.

There is also the issue of his name. Seriously, Slippy Toad is the best Nintendo could come up with? Maybe you need to get a certain amount of kills before you earn your the honor to use your last name in the Lylat system. Until then, you’re just referred to by your nickname in middle school.





Otis (Dead Risisng)

Metadick Rating: 92

Biggest Dick Move: Not Shutting Up

When I was a younger man, I had a friend whose grandmother would always call him up with questions. “How do I change the channel on the TV? How do I check my email again? Why does the DVD player keep making that awful humming noise?” After these calls, he would always moan about wanting to strangle her with the phone cord. At the time, I thought he was being a little bit extreme, but after playing Dead Rising, I think I finally understand where he was coming from.

Otis is the Willamette Mall’s best, and keeps you up to date through a two-way radio on all the latest developments. He lets you know when there are survivors nearby, what everyone is up to down at the security room, and tells you about whatever weird stuff he sees on the security cams (which he learned how to use after years of spying on the women’s dressing rooms in-between shifts).

Otis might seem like a huge bit of help, but he chooses to never shut up. When fighting off hordes of the undead, the last thing you want is some old guy calling you up to tell you that he saw a girl going into the hardware store. Thanks Otis, I’ll check that out once I’m done taking care of the other two hundred things I’ve got going on. What’s that? Little Timmy is stuck in the well? Why don’t you pull out your tongue and use it for rope. The back of the box says that anything can be used as a weapon, so why can’t I shove the damn radio up a zombie’s ass so Otis can bother somebody else?

Otis is the kind of guy Twitter was made for. Like the worst celebrities, he feels the need to let everyone know what he’s thinking about every few minutes, but unlike the drunken ramblings of Lindsey Lohan, Otis isn’t very interesting. I imagine his Twitter page looking something like this:

Otis: Dry gum underneath table at the food court, only slightly chewed. JACKPOT!

Otis: Put a sign saying do not enter on the men’s restroom ROFL!

Otis: Casual Friday ;D

Otis: New Justin Bieber album OMFG!!!<3





Prophet of Truth (Halo)

Metadick Rating: 86

Biggest Dick Move: Being A Pretentious Religious Douchebag

The Prophet of Truth is the main antagonist of the Halo series and the religious leader of the Covenant, a group of half a dozen species of aliens that are hell-bent on spreading their faith throughout the universe. So they’re sort of like Jehovah Witnesses, except instead of handing out pamphlets, they shoot lasers.

Truth looks to be a cross between Pope Benedict XVI and Kermit the Frog. Unlike most video game villains, Truth believes that he and his Covenant are the good guys and the humans are the evil heretics. I’ve always felt that villains are much more threatening when they think they’re doing good, rather than being conscious of their own malevolence. Then again, Truth’s plan for Spiritual nirvana involves unleashing an alien spore to wipe out all life in the galaxy, so maybe he’s a bit more Charles Manson than Benedict.

The real problem with Truth (besides his lust to end organic life in the universe) is just how pretentious he is. He assigns almost everything a biblical name: Halo, Flood, Arbiter; etc. Hell, he names all the covenant ships after different spirits. I get it Truth, you’re a holy dude. You don’t need to name your cat Mary to prove it. He also wears a stupid hat, which is essential to any religion, but hey, at least he doesn’t assign a specific day in which you have to waste ten hours of your life worshipping him.





Dracula (Castlevania)

Metajerk Rating: 95

Biggest Dick Move: Immortality

In recent years, The Twilight Saga has turned vampires into the romantic dreams of twelve year old girls, but before Anne Rice and Stephanie Myer ruined everything, vampires were some of the scariest movie monsters around. This especially refers to the granddaddy of them all: Dracula.

Bram Stoker’s creation has sunk his teeth into about every form of entertainment imaginable. Games are no exception. His most famous appearances are in the acclaimed series from Konami, Castlevania. In the Castlevania games, Dracula spends almost his entire existence battling the Belmont family, who, generation after generation, explores Dracula’s castle and drives stakes through his heart. Every family has its rite of passage, for the Belmont’s it’s killing Dracula. It’s surprisingly easier than studying for a Bar Mitzvah.

What makes Dracula such a dick? I could talk about his tendency to drink human blood, his egotistical mannerisms, or his mind controlling powers, but the worst thing of all is that he won’t fucking stay dead. He’s been stabbed, set on fire, crushed, pounded, drowned, and dematerialized down to the last atom, but the guy just won’t stay dead. What’s even worse is that he’s always capable of raising an undead army at a moments notice. Is there some kind of supernatural monster union I’m not aware of, or does he get them on loan from Universal Studios. He also wears Eighteenth Century clothing in modern times, which is like having the word “prick” tattooed across your forehead.
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I was all like "Otis better be on there". Continued scrolling and saw him and was all like yeeesssss
Heh, I hate Otis. No, hate isn't the proper word.

I hate the guy that killed my grandmother with a shovel.

My feeling towards Otis are something stronger and richer.

I want Otis to suffer for eternity while I bathe in his bitter tears.

That's still not enough.

I don't know if there is enough media in this world or the next to summize how I feel about Otis.
@ Occams: I don't hate Otis. I hate the idea of Otis. Like literally, I'd like to strangle the guy that thought it'd be funny to add annoying phone calls during the middle of a boss fight, because lord knows I need more reasons to pull my hair out when I play this game.
I posit that the Prophet of Truth is even more insidiously dickish than you propose here, not because he thinks he'sa super devoted religious figure, but because he pretends to be in order to continue to hold power. Truth is completely and totally aware that the humans are the Forerunner's heirs, but he covers it up and presses all the harder to obliterate them in order to maintain the status quo and keep control. Being a religious fanatical bent on your destruction is bad enough, but using the religious fanatacism of several entire races to obliterate another race to cover up your mistake? That has to at LEAST rank in the 90s on the dick scale.
Ah, Otis.

"Why'd you cut me off, Frank?"

Oh, I dunno. Mainly because I can't fight when you call me and you always call just as I enter a room full of zombies. YOU DICK.

Then he adds insult to injury at the end by taking the last chopper. Oh, and he takes all the survivors with him, which means he gets all the credit. THE DICK.
@gareth: My feelings towards Otis have given him substance. To me, he is real. As real as you or me or tacos. So please understand that hating the man who created the idea of Otis is fine and just but for me, I must find Otis and obliterate him.

@Stevil: You know if the game was made into a proper movie a hate crime would be committed against Otis. Also Danny Glover would play Otis.
I have to admit, part of me was sad that this wasn't a blog about fat guys named Richard.
Sweet blog. The Otis bit was hilarious.
Fuck Lakitu, fuck this motherfucker to damn nation of mankind. He's the absolute worst!

Also, I lol'd at Otis.


A list of dicks is always incomplete without Porky/Pokey Minch. The kid is douchebaggery incarnate.
Awesome blog... though I thought you were gonna name names and I was going to nominate Clockwork Zombie for when he runs up to people with the repair gun in MAG then knifes them in the face. Hilarious... but totally an annoying dick move to the guy that got shanked! :)
lol Metadick rsatings
This needs to be a regular feature.
Lakitu is definitely up on my list. The birds from Ninja Gaiden, the Medusa Heads in Castlevania and every single enemy in Silver Surfer are my honorable mentions for hench-dicks.

Kamek is a pretty big dick as well...that laugh, that fucking laugh.
Love the metadick feature
Caption to the above picture...

"Did someone say big dicks and not include us? JEEZY JEEZY JEEZYYYYYYY!"
The article is solid, but... I could swear I've already read this... on another site...? Am I imagining things?
@knutaf'
Are you accusing me of posting my work on multiple sites? Sir, I am offended.

http://www.damnlag.com/five-of-gamings-biggest-jerks/
@knutaf'
Are you accusing me of posting my work on multiple sites? Sir, I am offended.

http://www.damnlag.com/five-of-gamings-biggest-jerks/
Ah, that's right. I personally have no problem with copy-pasta, but when I do it, I like to mention that it's a repost and weather the backlash. I wonder, do people here value transparency more than they dislike copy-pasta?
It's not like I'm stealing other people's work. It's my article.
Oh good, I didn't make the list.
Your list was pretty good but flawed. The number one dick should've been this dick nose
<img src = "http://wiimedia.ign.com/wii/image/article/809/809868/Assist_MrResetti_1190791207.jpg">
That's right, Mr Resetti. "Oh noes! you turned off your game w/ out saving now I'm' going to lecture you about it. Don't you dare turn off your game again because then the lecture will be even longer!" I've quit Animal Crossing because of this dick. -_-;
I knew Otis was gonna be on here. Watta douche.
It takes a special kind of dickface to purposefully murder your fellow prophets to have all the glory for yourself.

The Prophet of Truth, after the events of Halo 2, is this douchebag. That merits first place alone.

Great list, and funny commentary. Would it be selfish to ask for moar please?

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