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Useless Lists: State Sex Moves (NSFW)
wanderingpixel | 2:50 PM on 11.18.2009 10 comments




Every state in the good ol’ USA has its own flag, bird, and food, so I thought, “Why not have state sex moves?” The following is a list of all fifty states and their official sex positions. I apologize in advance.


1. Alabama – The Helen Keller Gagger

2. Alaska – The Alaskan Snow Cone

3. Arizona – The Rising Phoenix

4. Arkansas – The Hot Spring Cleaner

5. California – The Downtown Sushi Roll

6. Colorado – The Bush Plow

7. Connecticut – The Double Dutch Dumpling

8. Delaware – First One In, Last One Out

9. District of Columbia – Mr. Smith Cums to Washington

10. Florida – The Early Bird Special

11. Georgia – Riding Miss Daisy

12. Hawaii – The Honolulu Hump

13. Idaho – The Baked Potato Masher

14. Illinois – The Al Cum Pone

15. Indiana – The Indianapolis 6900

16. Iowa – The Hawkeye Handler

17. Kansas – The Bible Basher

18. Kentucky – The Kentucky Fried Clit-en

19. Louisiana – The Swamp Surprise

20. Maine – The Fish Taco Teabag

21. Maryland – The Baltimore Banger

22. Massachusetts – The Salem B!@#h Trial

23. Michigan – Foaming On The Shore

24. Minnesota – The Folk F@$k

25. Mississippi – The River Rider

26. Missouri – The Miss-Furry

27. Montana –The Farm House Hash

28. Nebraska – The Desert Dessert

29. Nevada – The Show Girl Shag

30. New Hampshire – The Sink Worm

31. New Jersey – The Jersey Jerk

32. New Mexico – The Mexican Mystery Meat

33. New York – The New York Strip

34. North Carolina –The Northern Wind Wiper

35. North Dakota – The Border Pass

36. Ohio – The Low-Hi-Low

37. Oklahoma – The Indian Cuntry Cross

38. Oregon – The Oregon Trailblazer

39. Pennsylvania – The Phili Filler

40. Rhode Island – The Clam Chowder

41. South Carolina – The South Side Slider

42. South Dakota – The Downer Towner

43. Tennessee – The Ticker Williams

44. Texas – The Big Town Ho’ Down

45. Utah – The Utah Unicorn Horn

46. Vermont – The Vermin Vacuum

47. Virginia – The Vertigo Vendetta

48. Washington – The Washington White Out

49. West Virginia – The Virgin Vandalism

50. Wisconsin – The Window Cleaner

51. Wyoming – The Widow Maker

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Screenplay for Bioshock Movie (Very Short Blog)
wanderingpixel | 10:10 PM on 11.14.2009 10 comments




This isn't so much a blog post as it is an announcement. After much consideration, I have decided to announce that I will be writing my own screenplay for the upcoming Bioshock movie. Why, you may ask? Because I'm a huge fan of the Bioshocks, and I thought it would be both a fun and educational writing exprience.

I promise this won't be some half-assed fanboy script. I have spent over a year planning, researching, and outlining, while taking into consideration things like special effects and actors. My hope is that I will be able to write a movie that will satisfy fans of the game, people who have never played a video game bfor, and myself.

Even if your the kind of person who normally doesn't read this kind of stuff, I hope you will make an exception. I promise you the best damn video game to movie adaptation of all time! Besides Street Fighter, of course.

[Note: The script will be done and posted on my blog sometime between late November and mid December. I will update all of you on the progress of the script in all my future posts.]


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Dodging the Hype Train
wanderingpixel | 5:04 PM on 11.09.2009 19 comments




So, there’s this little game called Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, maybe you’ve heard of it? Well, just in case, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is a game about a group of dudes who hate this other group of dudes, and they kill each other with guns that shoot bullets. Also, it has multiplayer.

This is what it looks like… I think.



Have you ever felt frustrated when everyone around you is excited about a game, but you’re not? It’s that feeling of disconnection you get when yours and another person’s mind is on two different planes of thought. I’m sure everyone has felt this way at one time or another. Maybe you were anti Halo 3 because you hate shooters, or perhaps you didn’t care for Super Smash Brothers Brawl because you didn’t have a Wii. Whatever the game, it can make you feel like the odd man out when cruising the internet and seeing the news and forums all centered on one game.

That’s the feeling I’ve been getting lately whenever I see something relating to MW2. All my friends are super excited, they’ve all pre-ordered it at Gamestop, and a few of them have even reserved that huge special edition with the night vision goggles. It’s not just them either; the internet is all abuzz with COD fever, with new info and announcements. Yet, I just can’t seem to get into the spirit.

It’s not that I think MW2 is a bad game; I just don’t see what’s so special about another military shooter. But this article isn’t about bashing MW2, it’s about how hype can split-up the video game community.

It can make you feel frustrated and left out. Like a party you’re invited to, but you can’t find a ride. So, naturally, you try car pooling with your friends.

By car pooling, I mean that you try to use your friend’s excitement to get yourself excited, but I can tell you from experience that you can’t force yourself into wanting a game. I tried forcing myself to get excited about Uncharted 2: Among Thieves, but I didn’t have a PS3. I came close to buying a PS3 Slim, but I changed my mind after I realized that I would be buying a whole console for just one game. I came close to spending four hundred on a game that I didn’t even want, all because I wanted to be part of the hype, I wanted to belong. Don’t make that mistake; you’ll just end up wasting money.



It sucks being the one looking through the window. Sometimes you just want to conform just to feel accepted, but you can’t force yourself into things. Sometimes you just have to take the hit and keep on going. When MW2 is released, I’m still going to be playing Borderlands. If any of my fellow rebels wish to join me, hit me up on Xbox Live, I could always use the company.

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Destructoids Official Unofficial Hardcore Gamer Quiz Vol. 1 [Update]
wanderingpixel | 5:01 PM on 10.22.2009 5 comments





1.) In what game did the world famous “Konami Code” first appear?

A.) Gradius (NES)
B.) Contra
C.) Metal Gear
D.) Gradius (Arcade)
E.) None of the above


2.) Which of the following is NOT the color of one of the original Pac-Man ghosts?

A.) Red
B.) Yellow
C.) Cyan
D.) Orange
E.) Pink


3.) How many coins do you need to collect before gaining an extra life in Mario Bros.?

A.) 50
B.) 99
C.) 100
D.) You earn one extra every time you accumulated 100,000 points.
E.) You don’t have lives.


4.) Which robot could you play as in Sonic Adventure for the Dreamcast?

A.) E-101 Gamma
B.) E-110 Beta
C.) E-102 Gamma
D.) E-105 Beta
E.) E-109 Zeta


5.) Speaking of Dreamcast; which of these games was NOT avaliable for its 1999 launch?

A.) Power Stone
B.) Crazy Taxi
C.) Sonic Adventure
D.) Soul Caliber
E.) Hydro Thunder


6.) The Wii wasn’t the first console come with a free game straight out of the box. Which of these games came bundled with the granddaddy of consoles, the Atari 2600?

A.) Adventure
B.) Pitfall
C.) Combat
D.) Kaboom!
E.) The Atari 2600 didn’t come with a free game.


7.) In what year does the original Mass Effect take place

A.) 2183
B.) 2236
C.) 2524
D.) 2386
E.) It doesn’t say what year the game takes place.


8.) What is the name of the setting that Final Fantasy III (VI in Japan) take place in?

A.) Earth
B.) Ivalice
C.) Palamecia
D.) Gaia
E.) The name is never mentioned.


9.) Which one of these video game franchises has sold more copies worldwide?

A.) The Legend of Zelda
B.) Need for Speed
C.) Final Fantasy
D.) FIFA
E.) Grand Theft Auto


10.) What game is this screenshot from?



A.) Project Snowblind
B.) Time Splitters 3: Future Perfect
C.) Rogue Trooper
D.) Red Faction II
E.) Deus Ex Invisible War


Bonus Question – How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

A.) 1
B.) 2
C.) 3
D.) 1029
E.) What the lobster milkshake does this have to do with video games?


Thanks for playing! Check back tomorrow for the answers.

Update

Answers:

1.) A
2.) B
3.) E
4.) C
5.) B
6.) C
7.) A
8.) E
9.) B
10.) A
Bonus.) D or E

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Useless Lists: Things to Do While Waiting for Your PS3 Game to Install
wanderingpixel | 8:44 AM on 10.15.2009 16 comments




1.) Read a book.

2.) Sing show tunes.

3.) Organize your calendar.

4.) Watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

5.) Troll on the internet.

6.) Download porn.

7.) Buy a PSPGo.

8.) Try to mod your PSPGo to play UMDs.

9.) Reflect on what you could have spent that $250 on if you hadn’t bought a PSPGo.

10.) Write that novel.

11.) Call up an ex girlfriend.

12.) Go outside (just kidding).

13.) Order a pizza.

14.) Fill out that job application.

15.) Read a blog.

16.) Write a blog about all the things you could be doing while waiting for your PS3 to finish installing Metal Gear Solid 4, which you had to buy again, because your cousin lent it to one of his friends, even though it wasn’t his.

17.) Go buy groceries.

18.) Watch the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey, again.

19.) Play Monopoly.

20.) Install a few PC games.

21.) Study for that test tomorrow.

22.) Download more porn.

23.) Check your email.

24.) Visit the Playstation website FAQ page to find out why some games require a mandatory installation.

25.) Exercise on that treadmill you bought.

26.) Catch up on Lost.

27.) Learn a dead language.

28.) Sponsor a starving, African child.

29.) Stalk- Oops, I mean “follow” somebody on Twitter.

30.) Look at your yearbook photo.

31.) Burn your yearbook.

32.) Find Waldo.

33.) Read the latest Vogue.

34.) Acquire a taste for smooth Jazz.

35.) Check the repair status of your Xbox 360.

36.) Play Wii sports with your little cousin.

37.) Photoshop celebrity heads onto pictures of fat people.

38.) Google yourself.

39.) Join a cult.

40.) Learn how to play Dungeons and Dragons.

41.) Catch up to the Jones’s (Bonus points to whoever gets the joke)

42.) Check your savings bonds.

43.) Spice up C-Span by turning down the volume and dubbing it yourself.

44.) Go to jury duty.

45.) Look up the meaning of the word, triskaidekaphobia.

46.) Teach algebra to a gorilla.

47.) Play your PS2 instead.

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They Don't Make Vampires Like They Used To...
wanderingpixel | 8:45 AM on 10.13.2009 39 comments




I don’t know why there is a sudden interest in vampires, but it’s starting to piss me off. Not because vampires aren’t cool, they’re awesome in the same way that the werewolf and zombies are cool, it’s because they are always portrayed as romantic. It’s because the current portrayal of vampires in popular culture is always these young, handsome, sensitive men.

That’s bullshit.

Vampires are not romantic, they’re blood sucking parasites. Would you f@#$ a tick attached to your forearm? No, you wouldn’t. So, why the hell would you f@#$ a vampire? They’re basically just man sized mosquitoes.

Call me old fashion, but a pale faced, blood sucking, wolf keeping, fanged creature of the night doesn’t seem like a fun date. Yet movies and books like Twilight and Interview with a Vampire would have you believe differently. Don’t be fooled. These demons aren’t looking for romance, they’re looking for blood to satisfy their unquenched thirst, but don’t think they deserve your pity either. They have sacrificed their humanity to become immortal, and drain the blood of their victims to keep themselves looking young; sounds pretty selfish to me.

One book that managed to get vampires right was I Am Legend. In the book, an incurable disease has turned everyone into vampires, with the exception of one man. The book portrayed the vampires as parasites searching aimlessly for their next meal. It’s one of my favorite books of all time and is sure to erase any doubts about the inhumanity of the vampire race that you might have had. Another great book is the granddaddy of vampire novels itself, Dracula. Although Dracula acts romantic, it is just a front for his more sinister motives. Also, he could turn into a bat. Why don’t more vampires turn into bats these days?



So, you may ask, what can I do about this naive epidemic? Personally, I think you should dress up as a vampire, break into the rooms of teenagers, and try to bite them. But that might get you arrested. What you can do is purchase every Ann Rice book at your local bookstore and make a bonfire. But that might cost too much. Why don’t you just send an angry letter to your senator. I’m sure he’ll listen, being a vampire himself.

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« OLDER


 about me

Hello there, internet. My name is wandering pixel, and I'm here to rock your world! Or at least cause some sort of tremor.

Anyway...

My real name is Jack. I live over on the east coast, and currently working for an A&P grocery store as a part time job, since I'm still in school. What I really want to do is become one of three things: a cartoonist, a game designer, or a writer. I'm starting to lean a little towards writing, seeing as how most of the animation and game industries are located in California. But that's alright, because I can drive up to New York City and Philadelphia and enjoy the theater. That's another thing, I have a pretty broad range of interests in just about any form of art or entertainment you could think of, but video games are probably my all time favorite. The reason is because I believe that video games are the all new canvas for a new generation of artists, like me, to leave our impression on. Unfortunately, gaming is still locked in it's Hollywood mentality, and publishers are more interested in money rather then exploring the potential of the interactive format. That's something else you should know about me: I like stories that have depth. That isn't to say that I don't enjoy simple entertainment like action flicks and comedy. Quite the opposite in fact. I just prefer for my stories to have some type of meaning to them, and this, unfortunately, is a rare commodity in games. But I hope that I may be able to take advantage the narrative opportunities in the video game medium someday. Until then, I'm just Jack.

My Idols:
Stanley Kubrick
Alan Moore
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Philip K. Dick
Steven Spielberg
Hiro Miyazaki
Brad Bird

Here are some lists of my favorite things, that way you can get an idea of what I like. (These are only a few of my favorites, and they are in no particular order.)

Games:
1.) Half-Life 2
2.) Bioshock
3.) Spyro the Dragon
4.) Sonic CD
5.) Shadow of the Colossus

Movies:
1.) Blade Runner
2.) Ratatouille
3.) Casablanca
4.) Spirited Away
5.) The Good Shepherd

TV Shows:
1.) Lost
2.) Big Love
3.) Futurama
4.) Avatar: The Last Airbender
5.) Eureka

Anime:
1.) Neon Genesis Evangelion
2.) Cowboy Bebop
3.) Paranoia Agent
4.) Code Geass
5.) Ghost in the Shell

Manga:
1.) Neon Genesis Evangelion
2.) Akira
3.) Dears
4.) Astro Boy
5.) Code Geass

Musicians:
1.) John Lennon
2.) Bob Dylan
3.) John Hiatt
4.) Idina Menzel
5.) Utada Hikari

Novels
1.) Harry Potter
2.) His Dark Materials
3.) The Great Gatsby
4.) Crime and Punishment
5.) World War Z

Graphic Novels
1.) Watchmen
2.) The Killing Joke
3.) Blankets
4.) Ghost World
5.) From Hell

Comics
1.) Runaways
2.) Batman
3.) Hell Boy
4.) The Umbrella Academy
5.) X-Men

Musicals:
1.) Rent
2.) Wicked
3.) Little Shop of Horrors
4.) Avenue Q
5.) Sweeney Todd

Plays:
1.) Speed the Plow
2.) Hamlet
3.) A Streetcar Named Desire
4.) Our Town
5.) Macbeth

Magazines/Newspapers:
1.) The New Yorker
2.) EGM
3.) Entertainment Weekly
4.) Game Informer
5.) New York Times

Useless Lists:
Things to Do While Waiting for Your PS3 Game to Install
State Sex Moves(NSFW)

Articles from the front page:
I, the Author: Midnight Run
Nothing is Sacred: Getting into Character

 xbox 360 gamertag
 mii friend code:
I'm not memorizing another set of numbers

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Do the wrong thing: Breaking Sasha's promise
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