The Clone Wars

It is important for a games writer to take care when selecting a simile or metaphor as the basis of a concept or critique, because if this literary keystone is somehow structurally unsound then the whole article is bound to come tumbling down around their ears. I have yet to find a more glaring misuse of this writer's tool in gaming media than in many of the recent reviews of Dragon Age : Origins decrying it as a "LOTR clone".

Good example of simile : Bioshock is like an onion. Every time you think you've explored its depth, you find another layer of meaning underneath.

Good example of metaphor : E.T. the Game absolutely stinks. It is a skunk shagging a pig in the middle of an overflowing litter box.

Calling Dragon Age : Origins a LOTR clone is utterly incorrect. Using that metaphor is as lazy and unimaginiative as what these same reviewers are accusing the game of. Delicious irony. The majority of these reviewers don't even know what they mean when they reference Lord of the Rings.

Do they mean that Dragon Age is like the LOTR movies, or has a similar visual style? Do they mean it was like the books, finding a close parallel with the stories? Do they mean it was like the games? If so, which games? The hack and slash action games tied to the movies? The RTS Battle For Middle Earth games? The Star Wars : Battlefront cross-over, LOTR : Conquest? Or perhaps the turn-based, JRPG styled The Third Age?

There are plenty of defendable things to dislike about Dragon Age, but the "OMGLOTRWTF" reviewers abandon legitimate critique in favor of making a vogue statement. The sad truth is, regardless of which of these meanings you infer, the comparison is wrong. If you're going to make a comparison to one of the most influential works of fantasy fiction in the history of ever, it would behoove you to, well . . . be familiar with it. Let me break it down for you like a drunken halfling on a table in a tavern in Bree.




Is that Tavern Rock??? Then turn it up! Tolkien is my jam!


Nah, I'll Just Watch The Cliff Notes

One of the first LOTR clone complaints I stumbled across made the claim that Dragon Age : Origins "suffered" from a Hollywood-like treatment, due to wanting to emulate Peter Jackson's movies.

"If this all sounds remarkably like The Lord Of The Rings, then you’d be right. It’s exactly like it. The game even goes as far as to thematically steal key scenes from Peter Jackson’s trilogy of blockbusters, albeit to admittedly spectacular dramatic effect."

How could I not have seen it before? LOTR was the first and only film experience in the annals of the silver screen ever to feature large-scale medieval warfare. The eternal clash between the forces of good and evil? Copyrighted by Peter Jackson. What a clone Dragon Age is.

The second comparison I saw made with the films critiqued the visual design of the darkspawn as being too close to the orcs from the Jackson movies. Evil has a long-standing tradition of being characterized visually as a grotesque of good. This is why the handicapped were reviled as in league with Lucifer in the dark and middle ages.

Both orcs and darkspawn are creatures who were formerly good who were warped and tainted, both internally and externally, by the darkness. It stands to reason they would have a similar design. This iconography and symbolism is present in even in the depictions of the Devil. So confirmed -- Dragon Age is a Bible clone.




Who you calling a clone? Come say that to my face!


Dragons and Dwarves and Elves, OH MY!

Another huge misconception that drives me crazy in these reviews is the belief that the staple fantasy races such as dwarves, elves, and dragons somehow originated with J.R.R. Tolkien's work. As such, the incorrect assertion is made that any work utilizing these creatures is somehow plagarizing LOTR.

As important as Tolkien's work was in popularizing many of the fantasy tropes we've come to know, he cannot take credit for the invention of those races. Nearly all of the creatures found in the Middle Earth universe were borrowed, by his own admission, either whole or in part from the world's mythologies and folklores, mainly European. So, confirmed -- Dragon Age is a clone of the collective unconscious.

"But walkyourpath, Dragon Age has ENTS!"

Ents? Tolkien himself shrugs off credit for their invention. He mentions the eald enta geweorc, or the "old work of giants" referred to in Beowulf as the idea which sparked their creation. By his own admission, they were written as a way to more literally capture the feeling of the coming of 'Great Birnam wood to high Dunsinane hill' prophecy referred to in Shakespeare's Macbeth.

So, in order to prove that Dragon Age's use of LOTR-like races is cloneish, we have to look at not what creatures are present, but rather how they are implemented in the world of the game.

Elves in LOTR? Separate from humans in both language and geography, with established domains.
Elves in DA:O? Integrated into human society in the cities, and splintered and nomadic outside of them.

Dwarves in LOTR? Working to reclaim their lost glory and kingdom, with no unified leader.
Dwarves in DA:O? An established culture in full bloom, with a recognized monarchy.

Hobbits in LOTR? A diminutive pastoral race with a lust for living and great internal fortitude.
Hobbits in DA:O? Not present, even though they are the central focus of the LOTR story.

. . . my goodness, this horse has died! Onward to beat a live one!




Look at the ears. Obviously Vulcan. Dragon Age is a Star Trek clone, confirmed.


Press Circle To Answer Gollum's Riddle

After all the superficial claims, we get down finally to the meat of the matter. Does DA:O rip off the essence of the LOTR story, and is that reflected in the gameplay? I have to say emphatically, NO. There is a parallel in terms of the over-arcing story of good vs. evil clashing and that is reflected in the gameplay, but the similarities end there.

A huge chunk of the LOTR text is devoted to lore, language, history, and song. Since Dragon Age is such a clone, where's the Tom Bombadil singing and dancing mini-game? Leliana should be able to raise her cunning skill by perfectly recreating the elvish funeral dirge for Mithrandir, right?

Once the fellowship breaks up in LOTR, literally half the story is about Frodo and Sam's journey to Mount Doom. The conflict in this gigantic percentage of the story is not portrayed via combat or war, but rather through Frodo's internal struggle to overcome the influence of the One Ring.

Now, I may have missed it since I'm not 100% finished with Dragon Age, but I have not yet encountered the gameplay mechanic that requires me to continually hit "X" to avoid giving up and falling victim to the power of the darkspawn blood inside me for half the game. This same gameplay mechanic was present in the microwave hallway scene of Metal Gear Solid 4, which is also a LOTR clone.




Frodo? FRODO??!?! FRODOOOOOOOO!!!!!!


All the World's an Age, and all the men and women merely Dragons.

Finally, we'll take a quick moment to debunk the ridiculous assertion that the political intrigue elements of Dragon Age are what make it a LOTR clone. If you have not yet played Dragon Age, there are some minor early plot spoilers ahead. Also, why have you read this far?

The main story arc regarding political intrigue in DA:O involves the advisor of the king withdrawing his military support from a battle with the darkspawn. The king is slain in the ensuing massacre. The advisor usurps his throne, blames the Grey Wardens, and goes about consolidating his power base with the nobles. People loyal to the old king or distrustful of the new regent threaten to revolt, and so the plot is overshadowed by not only the threat of the darkspawn, but also civil war.

Even the executive producer of the game, Mark Darrah, referenced George R.R. Martin's work (most notably Game of Thrones) as an influence in the creation of the story for Dragon Age. Martin's fiction relies heavily on political intrigue to drive the action forward.

Traversing through all the story of LOTR, there isn't a single instance of this plot element to be found. You know where it can be found? Shakespeare's Hamlet, where the king's brother kills him and takes over his throne.

In fact, Shakespearean themes pervade the entire story. You are often betrayed by individuals you selflessly help, mirroring the folly of good King Lear who "loved not too wisely, but too well". Not to mention the overuse of spattered blood in cutscenes after battles, which never seems to go away, and will eventually cause the player to plead like Lady Macbeth -- "Out, out, damned spot!"

Whether you stop with Martin or trace it all the way back to the original political dramatist from Stratford on Avon, DA:O's story has little to nothing to do with LOTR's.




You shall not pass. . . with that weak-ass argument!


There and Back Again

There really is the flimsiest of evidence to support the claim that Dragon Age is a LOTR clone. Those making the claim have either never read the books, didn't understand the story in book or movie form, or just blindly borrowed another reviewer's failed metaphor because it sounded catchy. No matter how you slice it, it smacks of either ignorance or laziness. If you just have to mention Tolkien in a serious fashion, you better come correct.

The sad part is, there are a lot of valid things to critique about Dragon Age. The dated quality of the graphics, the shortcomings of the console control scheme, or the variance in the difficulty curve would all have been valid points to spark meaningful dissent with. But for these reviewers, they simply couldn't see the forest for the ents.

Here's a little tune we whipped up for grins over the past few weeks -- we were happy with the results, so we thought we'd share it with you, Dtoid!

It's a silly "sad" song about leaving a woman who cheats in love and in Street Fighter. . . it's called Rage Quit.

This was a interstate Dtoid effort -- I recorded my parts here in Austin, and through the magic of technology, Kauza pulled it all together with his recording in New Mexico.

Kauza -- Lead Guitar, Rhythm Guitar, Backing Vocals, Editing
walkyourpath -- Lyrics and Vocals



Lyrics

I always thought your moves were cheap, but I was blinded by the "perfect" in your eyes.
Well, you crushed my dreams and self-esteem, just like you crushed my Ken with Chun-Li's thighs.
When our love experienced latency, I tried to start our story mode again.
I jumped to cross the gap, but baby, you just kept on spamming -- hadouken, hadouken, hadouken.

I guess it's time to ragequit.
I'll toss my joystick, smash it all apart.
Because it's time to ragequit.
You broke my combos like you broke my heart.
And now it's time to ragequit.
I'll toss my joystick, smash it all apart.
So now it's time to ragequit.
You broke my combos like you broke my heart.

Well, when I found you were untrue, it hit me like a hundred-hand-slap to the face.
You said you loved my yoga style, and that my "sonic boom" could never be replaced.
So now I'm turtled in the corner, playing defense, crouched and cowering in fear.
You were my favorite Player 2, but baby, now all that is through -- I need a lover from a higher tier.

I guess it's time to ragequit.
I'll toss my joystick, smash it all apart.
Because it's time to ragequit.
You broke my combos like you broke my heart.
And now it's time to ragequit.
I'll toss my joystick, smash it all apart.
So now it's time to ragequit.
You broke my combos like you broke my heart.

<solo>

My heart's win loss ratio -- has never been this low,
how to counter, I don't know -- feels just like I'm fighting Daigo
hadouken
hadouken
hadouken
<uncontrolled sobbing>

If you liked it, you can download the MP3 here!


Our imaginary label . . .

Dear Mindless Repeater,

It has recently been brought to the attention of the executive management team by our insurance providers that video game related violence is on the rise. In an effort to curb growing benefits and health-care related costs for the company, Human Resources has been asked to develop a series of addendums to the Employee Handbook to assist those unfortunate souls who are attempting to balance their professional career with self-destructive gaming habits.

Playing video games is a habit that reduces productivity, limits your career growth, contributes to aggressive behavior, and is generally indicative of a rebellious and independent nature -- something that we here at Mindless Repetitions, Inc. frown upon in anyone below an unspecified pay grade.

It is our hope to reduce the number of video game related fatalities and injuries to ensure that our profit margin remains intact by limiting overhead expenditures, and also to demonstrate our genuine care and concern for those of you toiling on the front lines that we will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever deign to meet in person.

So, turn off the consoles and turn on the confidence -- with our undeserved positional advantage and your hard work, we can make this our highest earning year yet!

-- Your Beloved Board of Directors





Introduction

Separating video games from reality is the responsibility of every employee at Mindless Repetitions, Inc. Although we can't legally prevent you from playing games in your personal time, we can look down on gaming as an unprofessional hobby to participate in. Failure to separate video games from reality can result in corrective action, up to and including termination (of employment, not your in-game avatar).

Here are this week's helpful hints to ensure that your co-workers will remain unaffected by your socially maladaptive influence and irrationally violent behavior! This week's topic is : Meeting Etiquette. We hope that these help you to become less of a social pariah in your work environment and that you do not exactly bloody vengeance on us for any perceived slights you may have received while on the premises.

Wishing you a happy and productive work-week!
--Human Resources





Meeting With Co-Workers

Gamers should strive to control their murderous/selfish impulses throughout the meeting. Here are some common triggers and pitfalls to be avoided.

-- Coffee and donuts need to be evenly distributed amongst all meeting participants. Hoarding these items as you would in a competitve online match will be frowned upon. Think of the meeting like a campaign in Left 4 Dead; if you use all the med-kits yourself and your companions die, you will rarely survive to the next safe house. Donuts are medkits. Coffee is the same as pills.

-- The use of "?", "!", and "..." are not responses well suited for the meeting room. This does not apply, however, when meeting with the salarymen from our Tokyo branch.

-- Referring to the laser pointer as a "n00b-tub3" during a presentation will not generate a favorable reaction from your fellow participants.

-- Being late to scheduled meetings will not be excused on the basis of being "sucked into a random encounter" on the way to the conference room. Being "laggy as hell" is also not considered as a valid reason for tardiness.

-- There is no fast-forwarding through dialogue during meetings. Consider your meeting an unskippable cutscene for which you are required to take notes. The information you gather may be relevant to later gameplay.

-- When the door slams shut in a video game, it usually will not open again until the player has slaughtered every living inhabitant in the room. This does not apply in business meetings. The start and stop time listed on the official agenda remains constant regardless of how many co-workers you murder, so not killing them remains our policy.





Meetings With Potential Customers

-- Don't jump straight into business discussion. Develop a rapport with the prospect before attempting a sale. Many gamers scare off a possible client by immediately opening their trenchcoat and yelling "WHAT ARE YOU BUYING?" or "BUY SOMETHING, WILL YA?" before determining the prospect's needs through the use of discovery questions.

-- Do not refer to their objections or information gathering inquiries as "combo breakers".

-- While most gamers are used to the unrestricted killing of prostitutes in their day-to-day virtual lives, this behavior is strictly discouraged at Mindless Repetitions, Inc. Only the prospects should be allowed to kill prostitutes. This places you, as the salesperson, in a position to maximize each sale in exchange for covering it up and keeping quiet about the whole sordid affair.

-- When encountering sales reluctance, do not offer to throw in a charizard to "sweeten the deal". Your prospect is likely not aware that he is supposed to catch them all.

-- Avoid using terms usually heard in XBL chat* during intense contract negotiations. Examples include : "I feel like I made an extremely reasonable offer, Steve. Frankly, your counterproposal is totally gay." or (in a restaurant setting) "Steve, quit spawn-camping the breadsticks, you fucking fucktard."

*Avoiding these terms even in XBL chat would also be advisable for anyone of moderate maturity and intelligence.

I thought it would be appropriate to announce the winner of this contest today, because as Ali D pointed out -- it's Y0jimb0's birthday! Take a quick detour and head on over to Ali D's post and wish him a happy one!

So, without further ado. . . the winner of the contest and the proud new owner of a code to download KOTOR from Steam is -- Zodiac Eclipse!

Her reason for paying tribute?

"Here's to you Yojimbo, thanks for commenting on my blogs so that I knew at least somebody was reading them, especially the horrific early attempts."

Here's her winning entry!





Congrats to Zodiac and thanks to all who showed their affinity for the bearded one. Zodiac, check your PMs for your KOTOR code.

This is the fourth installment of the Tales of an Omnipotent Public Servant (TOPS) series, written by a Dtoider at the behest of his fellow Dtoiders! If you missed out on previous episodes, you can always take a gander at TOPS -- Part 1, TOPS -- Part 2, and TOPS -- Part 3!





"Well, well, well! You must have a great hunger for gaming history if you have returned to me once again to be transported into the annals of Britannian lore, my welcome guest! I am happy to serve as your guide once more -- but even an ex-Game Master's services must always come at a price. Have you brought me a tribute? A token to remind us of that point in time so I can focus the required energies?

I don't believe it! A Koosh ball? You have done well, shrewd traveller. These relics once flooded the great halls of Origin Systems. It should be sufficient to summon the time portal to Ultima Online once again. Step inside the circle and brace yourself for visions from that ancient era -- the initial airing of Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- the deaths of Princess Di and the Notorious BIG -- Deep Blue defeating Gary Kasparov at chess for the first time. I remember this one instance when. . . "




My other car is a TARDIS.


The Fall of the Reservoir Sharks

Social structures often adhere to guidelines similar to the laws of physics. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Griefers used to make a habit of preying on the weak and naive on my servers. However, they weren't the only strong players out there. The group of griefers I referred to as the Reservoir Sharks in TOPS #3 finally discovered that you can only push a community so far before they finally begin to push back.

A group of players decided that enough was enough and that someone had to clean up the shard. They all created alternate characters and trained up their skills in secret. They never visited towns or interacted with anyone as their alternate characters. In a short period of time, a group of 8 players built up their characters into grandmaster mages, and hatched a plot to finally give the griefers a taste of their own medicine.

One evening, I get a page with a cryptic message from a character whose name I didn't recognize -- "Come and watch if you want to see true justice in action."

It being a slow evening and my curiosity aroused, I finished up the other pages in my queue and teleported invisibly over to the location of the paging character. I found myself outside the Britain bank, where a group of 8 players were milling around. They looked like utter newbies; half of them were in loincloths, while the rest were only slightly better equipped.

The players were asking passers-by for help in becoming strong fighters, basically begging for information and equipment. What I didn't know at the time was that they were the ultimate anti-griefers -- both the bait and the trap for the unwitting Reservoir Sharks.




Now witness the power of this fully functioning group of grandmaster mage vigilantes!


If you throw enough chum in the water, eventually the predators will show up. Like clockwork, Mr. Orange eventually sauntered up to the group and immediately pegged them for a bunch of marks. The motley avengers played along as Mr. Orange offered to "help them out" and proceeded to lead them out of town and through the wild to the Sharks' lair. Expecting a herd of lemmings, four Sharks lazily positioned themselves around the group and began to "welcome" their new members.

Knowing that the Sharks always struck shortly after saying "Welcome to the guild.", the motley avengers had the drop on the bad guys. Outnumbering the griefers two to one, the grandmaster mages, wearing nothing but their skivvies, unleashed a legendary barage of magical retribution and dropped the entire team of griefers in one fell swoop. They picked the bodies clean and stripped them of their most valuable possessions.

From that point on, whenever Mr. Orange plied his trade in the town squares, there was always a helpful samaritan or two in diapers willing to tag along or give the newbies a helpful word of advice. The motley avenger was right -- I got to see justice in action.




They didn't think their names through -- the Reservoir Dogs almost all die at the end.


The Iron Crisis of '97

Ultima Online wasn't just a game about adventuring and spellcasting. There were players who devoted their time to making their characters into artisans and smiths. Some of the best equipment in the game was not found, but rather crafted by grandmaster blacksmith players. In order to make these weapons, they required raw materials.

Miners would make the trip to the mountainous areas and bring back the raw metal ores required for the smiths to do their jobs. The smiths would pay handsomely for the convenience of avoiding dangerous travel and saving time to keep their smithing skills at grandmaster level so that they could charge top gold for their wares.

A properous economy developed between miners, smiths, and the adventurers who bought the final products. But human greed, as it is wont to do, eventually ruined the arrangement. The game placed a cap on how many resources could be harvested in a given time frame, and in one particular month the miners overworked all the rich deposits trying to score easy gold.

Panic struck. Miners were forced to charge more for fewer ores, which meant smiths had to charge more for their weapons and armor. Some adventurers who couldn't afford the top tier equipment took to attacking miners in the wild for their ore. Others were hired by miners as protection from these bandits. Eventually the resources reset and things returned to normal. Only this time everyone learned a lesson. You can have too much of a good thing.




You guys made Iron Giant cry, you jerkfaces.


Jester For Hire

One of the most interesting "professions" I ever encountered in UO was a character who rented himself out as a fool for hire. The only skills he had built up were in tailoring/dyeing, so he always had on an appropriately outrageous outfit. He would crack jokes, and keep adventurers company for an exorbitant fee.

I never understood why other players would pay such large sums of gold to have this guy along, so one night I tagged along to see what the big deal was. He did make funny jokes and spouted silly rhymes; well role-played and in an appropriately classic style. But that wasn't his value to his employers.

The fool's main job was to minesweep for adventurers. If a huge monster or player-killing griefer came onto the scene, the fool would spring into action. Like a medieval rodeo clown, he would run towards the danger until they targeted him and then run away, leaving a safe path for his employers to escape. Sometimes, he would run around in circles with some variety of enemy chasing him while the other player attacked the creature from behind. Very entertaining.

I had always heard it said that a fool and his money are soon parted, but Ultima Online proved to me that playing the clown can sometimes be as good as gold.




You try riding a manticore for 8 seconds!

I have run into so many excellent human beings in the short time I've been involved with Dtoid that I could spend years in the accounting of it all. However, I want to take a quick moment to pay tribute to someone who ranks near the top of my respect leaderboards.





Yojimbo gets my <3 and mad propers today for many reasons, but here are just a few :

1. Yojimbo is an honorable man -- Whether it be in comments, or blog posts, or in a game, his sportmanship shines through. His 'good game' philosophy extends to all his interactions. He can hold an opinion that is the polar opposite from you and still comport himself with dignity and mutual respect.

2. Yojimbo is a man of substance -- Yojimbo doesn't open his mouth unless he has something worth saying. His opinions, posts, and comments are thought out. He says what he means and means what he says, and he knows when saying nothing is the wisest policy. You young'uns might not remember these commercials, but this quality makes Jimbo alot like EF Hutton. Because when EF Hutton talks, people listen. The beard doesn't hurt.

3. Yojimbo gives to the community -- Yojimbo recently took some of his spare time to make me, a community member he has never met in the flesh, a brand new blog header with no other reason than that he saw an opportunity to give to someone else. Check it out above. It is straight baller, and you wish it was yours. It makes me want to Kanye-meme everyone else's headers. "I'm happy for you, and I'mma let your blog finish loading, but Yojimbo's header on walkyourpath's blog is one of the best headers of all time!"

I know I'm not the only one who has benefited from his contributions around here. So with that in mind, let's do a little something to show him how much we appreciate his presence on Dtoid. The Jedi live by a similar code to the samurai, so in that spirit, I am giving away a code for a free copy of KOTOR on Steam which will be awarded to the person who comes up with the best Yojimbo tribute over the next 7 days.





It can be a poem, a drawing, a song, a story, a picture, a flash game, whatever -- just so long as it does right by our resident samurai! Just make sure you post it or link to it in the comments here! Even if you don't want to participate in the contest, take a quick moment to comment about your favorite Yojimbo moment or just share why you think he's the bee's knees.