If there's one game I remember from my years with the Playstation, it's Road Rash. Simply because of the fact that only the younger kids in my family dug it. All the older kids would brush it off and call us idiots for playing it. Their reasons for such absurd opinions was because of the game's graphics. They didn't see behind the "faux 3D graphics" that this game was goddamn gem. I mean, hell, you can run people over, whip cop ass, and knock your opponents on their asses. Never had I played game with such a lack of morals. It was awesome!

And who says FMVs suck in games!?



...Fuck tha' police comin' str8 out tha' underground!

I have yet to see such a game on a current-gen console, or even last gen. And what I mean by that is I haven't seen a Road Rash game since the Playstation days. That truly saddens me. So much so that I decided to blog about my wet-dream for a Road Rash sequel or remake. No, I don't want open worlds, and no I don't want there to be a story (or at least one that takes itself seriously).

What I want is to bring the style of play from the original game, a few new features here and there, but made for retail. No, I don't want it PSN and I especially don't want a Live arcade version of it.



I want it to be like the Rambo of video games. Go straight back to the original formula. That means running people over, chaining cops, awesome cut scenes, and point-to-point races. Of course, bike upgrades are welcome and so are character customization upgrades. Wrap it around in your incredible now-gen graphics and sound and you've got me sold.

The cities should all be rendered as incredible as possible with a few obstacles thrown in here and there (ramps, traffic, people, pot holes..etc). Tracks of course should be varied and include many (fake or real) locations. Hell, riding through mall would be great. Just make racing different as you get farther. There should never be an absence of "straight up racing" tracks, but change is good.

A point system would probably work great in this game. Don't make it part of the main game. Races should always be first priority, but getting a little somethin', somethin' would be nice for maybe having a mile long wheelie or dragging your feet behind the bike; things that are heavily done by the Street Bike scene and then some. The point system should definitely work like the Kudos system in Project Gotham Racing, but not entirely. I wouldn't want it to work as currency. Just make secret unlockables for it.

Just imagine all of this, with online, amazing visuals and sound. The game-play is there, folks. Anyone who says swinging a chain across the "man's" face isn't fun needs to get the fuck out. I'll smurf you.

Smurf - (v) To wake up someone who is sleeping by whacking them across the face with your penis.

Ah, damn. I'm having such a orgasm just thinking about such a game. Common, EA (or whoever owns the license[3DO?]. Don't be pussies. If you're not going to make this game then hand it over to Rockstar. I can't even begin to imagine how those creative and fearless minds will mold a game like Road Rash. If any game developer is listening, do me this favor. If you don't make any money off of it I'll give you my Game Boy Color (and I love my new/old Game Boy Color). Bring back Road Rash...and bring it back awesome.

Life will truly be like this...