Somewhere in Ivalice, a gathering was taking place. One of heroes and mages. Just not in the sense you would imagine. It was in a small 2-room apartment that 2 viera, two moogles and a human had packed inside sitting around a large table. Papers were scattered about and figurines lay toppled on top of them. The human had a large book in his hand labeled “Ver. 2.3 masters guide”. “Allright, we can finally finish the campaign” the human said.
“It’s about freaking time Kev” the smaller of the two moogles said. “I mean, hell it’s been like three weeks since we last continued, I drew up like 3 new character sheets.” The smaller of the two moogles exclaimed. “Lets get started already…kupo.”
“Alright…” Kev began “This is the Desert planet campaign. 4 adventurers max. (that’s us) The goal is to find and destroy the Demon king Bahamut and stop him from continuing his evil reign. Rewards are 20 pieces of Ultimite and 72,000gil. I am going to be playing Vieran assassin class level 50, you Roz?”
Roz the small moogle replied “ Level 51 Heavy Exterminator ‘bot”
“Lame” the first viera said “Level 53 Human berzerker WITH white mage subset”
“Alright Sooky, how you were able to get those stats to work out I’ll never know and what about you Dena?”
“Level 55 Bangaa Bladestormer with Alchemist subset” The other viera said. “Okeyday, now I hand things over to Lini, dungeon master for this campaign” Kev handed the book over to tough looking moogle “and now we begin. Please don’t try to kill us quickly like last time.”
Lini smiled “No promises on that one mates, now pass the Ritz and spray cheese please”

-------

A few hours later

“Your party enters the massive temple antechamber. Three amazons approach with a dragoon. The party has preemptive strike from previous stealth roll. Dena it’s your move”
“Right, my bladestormer plays double blow.” Dena then rolled a pair of 12 sided di. “F…rackards! Freaking 13 and 8.”
“Qwatz qwatz qwatz. Sucks for you Dena, that’s a lost move with…50 points damage to self by stumbling. Your move Roz, kupo”
“Tch, finally kupo, I rolled…34, sweet my bot performs ultima strike and through ability magic affinity it casts slow.” Lini ruffled through the pages of the guide “Ultima strike kills 2 of the amazons but the other survive at critical health. The dragoon survives at critical health, activates critical ability final haste and both avoid your slow spell from bonus immunity ‘prescience of the emperor’-.
“That enchantment is freaking gay dude…kupo” said Roz.
“Roz, just STFU, remember that acronym STFU, now I believe it’s Sooky’s turn.
“Right” Sooky first wrote down some computations on her paper. “First I roll…55 for perfect doublecast. I play the battle item full zombification which converts the amazon and dragoon to zombie and tripling their HP. I then have my berzeker cast full area Curaga on the enemies for approximately…3000 damage apiece killing both of them I believe.”
“Sooky you’re freaking kupo hot, ” said Roz “If the fact that you’re a moogle and still saying that didn’t weird me out I’d probably start blushing from that”
“Wow, that hurt me deep.”
“Oh, I’m sorry Roz how about a hug?” Sooky got up and hugge the small
“This is awesome” Sooky then slapped the moogle “perv” she said and sat back down.
“Yes well, getting back on track” Lini continued while eating what appeared to be a fried chicken leg “It is now Kev’s turn…kupo.”
“A’ight I rolled a 36 so I cast party spell speed boost, another roll…67… gets me…+1543 speed for all party members after magic amplifier ability is taken into account.”
“By Ultima! that gives the entire party preemptive strike bonus every turn”
“Famfrit Kupo! Lucky as ”
“Nice, my berzerker now gets first strike from ability “speed strike”
“Your move dungeon master” Kev said.
Lini thought for a moment, flipped through the pages of the guide
“Qwatz qwatz qwatz kupo. The party stands before the doors of the throne room only to have them fly open while the evil emperor performs a preemptive strike”
“What?” Yelled Roz. “Lini you can’t do that it’s against rules, our combined party speed gives us immunity from preemptive strikes”
“”prescience of the emperor ability brother, you should remember it.”
“Lame, kupo.”
“Yes, well Bahamut has immunity from all magics”
“Cheap” said Roz
“Immunity from all unavoidable attacks”
“W…T…F…” said Kev
“The ability to summon familiars of any level”
“Not cool Lini” Said Dena
“And any healing or upgrade spells do negative effects on the casters, i.e curaga causes damage.”
“Lini you are the absolute epitome of the evil dungeon master. It took us what, 5 hours to get this far in the campaign?” said Sooky
“5 hours and 30 minutes plus I roll for familiars…128…ah, I summon Sephiroth pre-seraph form and I also summon just for fun a rabid chocobo. Attack roll and…560,986 damge dealt due to the critical and defense down effect of physical strikes from sephiroth.”
“That’s it” said Lini we are never playing these stupid crossover campaigns ever again if Lini keeps killing us, I vote we fire up the Zanarkand pre-made campaign and just roll with it. As long as I’m Auron. And Lini isn’t dungeon master.”
“Yeah I’m up for that, I’ll be dungeon master” said Kev, “What bout you girls”
“Shh, we’re rolling to see who plays Yuna, summons ftw.”
“Okay what about you Lini”
“Hmm, whatever, gimme the Wakka and Riku sheets and pass me a potion mountain dew and I’ll get by”. [



Wait a minute, were'nt we supposed to be like moogles and vierasans and crap?
and crap?
Shh,maybe they wont notice your lack of ears and Pompom thingies