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donkeyspaceman avatar 8:06 PM on 01.27.2012  (server time)
Mega Man: Washed Up

Okay, so this whole Bad Box Art Mega Man being in Street Fighter X Tekken? Totally awesome. I'm still not thrilled with Legends 3 getting canceled and the series as a whole kind of being shit on lately, but here's how I think Capcom could fix everything:

They should make a game starring Bad Box Art Mega Man (just as he appears in Street Fighter X Tekken) as a washed up TV actor named Rocky Rollington who once starred as Mega Man in a live action superhero show. It's been years since the show got cancelled and time has not been kind to Rocky. On the first night of his new job at a gas station in a bad neighborhood, some street punk tries to rob him at knifepoint and he recalls the extremely limited fighting skills he learned on set to defend himself. The kid isn't especially tough, so Rocky scares him off easily by screaming "WHACK!" in a very comic-bookish manner and administering a disarming karate chop to the kid's wrist.

Brimming with false confidence, Rocky goes home that night, breaks out his old Mega Man suit, and puts up an online ad, offering his services as a superhero-for-hire. He contacts his old friend, Tommy Lightning, who designed prop weapons for the show and has him modify the Mega Buster ray gun into a stun gun.

The premise is somewhere between No More Heroes (a game in which an anime nerd buys a beam katana online and sets out to become the number one assassin) and Bored to Death (a TV show where a writer puts up a Craigslist ad offering his services as a private detective), so it's not exactly original (and I can't recall any specific examples, but I know the whole washed up actor gone vigilante has been done before), but I think the fact that it's a Mega Man game changes everything.

The missions would range from silly and mundane tasks (acting as entertainment for a child's birthday party) that could go south (the kid's abusive father crashes the party and Mega Man has to stop him) to shit that puts Rocky in way over his head (someone framing him for murder). Somewhere in between, there could be some crazies that want to do him harm (obsessive nerds that want the Mega Man costume for their collection, so they dress up as Robot Masters and lure him into traps), help him out (an overweight Roll cosplayer that bakes him cookies and owns a handicapped dog named Rush), or just steal his thunder (Peter Bluth, the actor who played Protoman on the show, breaks out his own costume and attempts to settle their long-standing rivalry). The psychopaths from Dead Rising are kind of what I have in mind for these characters, just (debatably) normal folks gone crazy over a show that they like (or hate) a lot.

The game would probably play something like No More Heroes, with a limited city area to roam around in and missions taking place in smaller stages. I also think back to Dead Rising in terms of gameplay, with Mega Man being pretty slow and clunky at first, like Frank West, but learning new skills that make him a little more badass. Mega Man only has to shoot targets and the like during early missions (like the birthday party one), but when things get more demanding, he'll have to use his stun gun to blast enemies and knock them unconscious with his cheesy superhero moves (complete with the embarrassing comic book sound effects). Because he's only human (and an overweight one at that), the game would pull a lot of inspiration from classic Mega Man in the way that it's really damn hard. Rocky can take a quite a few punches, but when guns get involved, it won't take much to put him in the hospital. Despite all the danger, however, Rocky will remain dedicated thanks to a strong sense of justice (and concern that he can't afford his cigarettes or beer without the mission's pay).

Pulling the strings on the whole "nerds pretending to be Robot Masters" deal would be the president of the Mega Man fan club, William Albert, who (unintentionally) bears resemblance to Dr. Wily and wants nothing more than to wear the costume himself. His fandom transcends simply wanting an autograph from the man who played his hero; He wants to become the hero. The story would culminate with Tommy and "Roll" being captured by William and Mega Man would have to beat him down once and for all.

So yeah, this is what's been eating at the back of my brain since I saw the video of Bad Box Art Mega Man in Street Fighter X Tekken. This game is probably be the coolest thing that will never happen, but I'm going to dream, anyway. If nothing else, I hope Capcom at least gives something new (that's not a fighting game) with Mega Man in it soon! As much as this game would be awesome, I would never actually wish such a sad fate for the Blue Bomber. As it stands, though, I kind of feel like this is a pretty accurate depiction of our hero.

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