"Son, you are destined to do great things.."

Yeah right.


Here I am now in total darkness, I haven't seen the light of day in weeks and quite frankly I may actually be dead, but I'm not sure. If only my father could see me now. Oh I'm supposed to introduce myself right? I'm a Pokemon, more precisely a Magikarp. Any Pokemon trainers out there reading this already know, I am destined to do nothing but splash.. Sure if I'm lucky I may make it to that level I may learn tackle and a few levels after that I could evolve. But nine times out of ten, I and a majority of my species end up in this same fate of unknown existence. We Magikarp have it hard, and there is no love out there for the likes of us..

ACT 1: Magikarp-e diem



It was a nice sunny day in June, the cold water felt nice on my scales. I swam fast through the stream I was residing in just to feel the bubbles in my whiskers, today was perfect and nothing could change that. As I swam by I overheard two Shellder gossiping about a recent tragedy. I guess some Tentacool got too close to a boat's propeller and well.. The sea was red with poisonous jelly. (For most of you humans reading this, I am sure you are taken back that I knew what a boat was, well we Pokemon are a lot more intelligent than you give us credit for) But even that sad tale couldn't get me down today. I swam for a bit longer until my tail was tired and drifted to a nice little patch of algae for a quick snack. But right before I began to dine, I noticed something much more delicious was delicately dancing just inches above me. It was a baby Wurmple, struggling and wriggling with the current. It seemed unconscious but still alive.

A perfect treat.

I swam towards it curiously and making sure it wasn't a tricky Ditto or something more sinister. So far so good, it looked clean and clear. With one small gulp I swallowed the young Pokemon whole and happily began to swim back to the patch of algae. All of the sudden, I felt a tug on my lip 'what the--!' the tug soon became a pull and I was yanked out of the water by my lips. It was a lure, and I fell right for it.


ACT 2: Suffocation, Deprivation, Annihilation.




The outside air is warm and unforgiving to us fish-types, for several reasons. Reason 1. Its very dry outside of the water (Don't know if you've noticed) 2. I prefer to use gills as my primary breathing mechanism and it is a H2O only supporter. 3. I'M A FUCKING FISH. I suddenly came back down to Earth with a sickening "THUD" and began flopping upon the soft but terribly warm grass. A young boy who looked about 10 was starring intently into this small red device.. it was talking in a metallic voice, "In the distant past, it was somewhat stronger than the horribly weak descendants that exist today." "Aww, man. Well I heard from Prof. Oak that you can evolve into something super powerful all I gotta do is catch you!" the boy shouted at me. My consciousness was fading fast, either I was about to die or this kid.. wait what is he doing!? He's reaching for his belt and some orb in his hand was growing rapidly in size. Suddenly my heart grew cold and my spine fin rigid, I knew exactly what it was, a word that strikes fear into hearts of all Pokemon (big and small).

pokeball.

However this pokeball wouldn't be my prison. It would instead belong to a much stronger and much larger Pokemon. A Mightyena. My flopping was beginning to tire me out more so I attempted the only attack I could manage on land, splash! As I flopped for my life the small amount of water left on my body began to splash all over the Mightyena, what I considered injuring was merely pissing it off. "Use scratch attack, Mightyena!" The Mightyena walked over to me, and with one paw held me and my only attack down to the warm grass. with a grunt and a slight of its other paw it slashed me right across the face. The last thing I can remember was this small round shadow flying towards me.. My vision faded, and I fainted.


ACT 3: A Rock Hard Defeat


When I awoke countless hours later I was sitting inside some strange and euphoric chamber. There was no water, however I could breathe without a problem and it felt as if my strength was regaining more and more! the chamber I was in was large and was constantly flashing a healing light, a light tune accompanied the light. Suddenly it stopped and I heard voices, it was a soft and soothing voice and a very familiar voice. I barely caught "Thank you, your Pokemon are fighting fit!" and it suddenly felt as if the world was moving. I knew where I was, inside a pokeball and that pokeball belonged to the boy with the Mightyena. A few hours ago I would be dreading the thought but for some reason right now all I could think about was proving myself and helping this kid. I don't quite know what has come over me but seriously, I feel like a new Pokemon (Its hard to explain).

I drifted off to sleep sometime after and was awoke abruptly by the sensation of spinning! "GO MAGIKARP! I CHOOSE YOU!" the young trainer shouted. This was my chance, and i would make sure to prove my worth. I felt a strange warm and almost dismantling feeling as my new home seemed to get smaller and smaller further and further. Suddenly it stopped and there I was lying on the ground again, except this time I could breathe. "GO ONIX!" another voice shouted, this one sounding much older and as if the speaker was squinting. "GRAAAARGH" a booming voice called out, I flopped to see my opponent and was instantly frozen with fear. (I'm not going to bother discribing it, just know it was terrifying) "MAGIKARP USE...! uhmm.. wait, what attacks do you have?" Finally my chance to shine! Quickly I sprung into action and began sweating profusely from my scales, produced enough water and began splashing.

The Onix was either in a lot of pain or incredibly in a lot of pain because it and its trainer kept making a weird choking noise that sounded like laughter. But it couldnt be, was it!? I stopped splashing to listen and only heard one more thing, "oh god hahahaha ONIX baahahahah use hehe USE TACKLE!!" This is my last memory of being outside in the open air, a large rock formation coming straight down upon me...


I was knocked out.


EPILOGUE: Do All Pokemon Go to Heaven?

So that's my tale. No pun intended. From what i assume (from my limited knowledge of Pokemon training and the rules of it all) I believe I have been "boxed." Its dark and lonely here and frankly I haven't seen the light of day in what feels like years. I think I have been forgotten, perhaps both the young lad and myself were killed by the Onix that day. I am not sure, but what I am sure of is..

I am and always have been utterly useless.


....but