games  anime  |  toys
This is a Dtoid readers's blog. For staff blogs click here. Confused? read this Create you own!  |   Members: Login now





I, The Author: A Magical Life for a Magical Karp.
trueb7ue | 10:34 AM on 07.31.2009 5 comments





"Son, you are destined to do great things.."

Yeah right.


Here I am now in total darkness, I haven't seen the light of day in weeks and quite frankly I may actually be dead, but I'm not sure. If only my father could see me now. Oh I'm supposed to introduce myself right? I'm a Pokemon, more precisely a Magikarp. Any Pokemon trainers out there reading this already know, I am destined to do nothing but splash.. Sure if I'm lucky I may make it to that level I may learn tackle and a few levels after that I could evolve. But nine times out of ten, I and a majority of my species end up in this same fate of unknown existence. We Magikarp have it hard, and there is no love out there for the likes of us..

ACT 1: Magikarp-e diem



It was a nice sunny day in June, the cold water felt nice on my scales. I swam fast through the stream I was residing in just to feel the bubbles in my whiskers, today was perfect and nothing could change that. As I swam by I overheard two Shellder gossiping about a recent tragedy. I guess some Tentacool got too close to a boat's propeller and well.. The sea was red with poisonous jelly. (For most of you humans reading this, I am sure you are taken back that I knew what a boat was, well we Pokemon are a lot more intelligent than you give us credit for) But even that sad tale couldn't get me down today. I swam for a bit longer until my tail was tired and drifted to a nice little patch of algae for a quick snack. But right before I began to dine, I noticed something much more delicious was delicately dancing just inches above me. It was a baby Wurmple, struggling and wriggling with the current. It seemed unconscious but still alive.

A perfect treat.

I swam towards it curiously and making sure it wasn't a tricky Ditto or something more sinister. So far so good, it looked clean and clear. With one small gulp I swallowed the young Pokemon whole and happily began to swim back to the patch of algae. All of the sudden, I felt a tug on my lip 'what the--!' the tug soon became a pull and I was yanked out of the water by my lips. It was a lure, and I fell right for it.


ACT 2: Suffocation, Deprivation, Annihilation.




The outside air is warm and unforgiving to us fish-types, for several reasons. Reason 1. Its very dry outside of the water (Don't know if you've noticed) 2. I prefer to use gills as my primary breathing mechanism and it is a H2O only supporter. 3. I'M A FUCKING FISH. I suddenly came back down to Earth with a sickening "THUD" and began flopping upon the soft but terribly warm grass. A young boy who looked about 10 was starring intently into this small red device.. it was talking in a metallic voice, "In the distant past, it was somewhat stronger than the horribly weak descendants that exist today." "Aww, man. Well I heard from Prof. Oak that you can evolve into something super powerful all I gotta do is catch you!" the boy shouted at me. My consciousness was fading fast, either I was about to die or this kid.. wait what is he doing!? He's reaching for his belt and some orb in his hand was growing rapidly in size. Suddenly my heart grew cold and my spine fin rigid, I knew exactly what it was, a word that strikes fear into hearts of all Pokemon (big and small).

pokeball.

However this pokeball wouldn't be my prison. It would instead belong to a much stronger and much larger Pokemon. A Mightyena. My flopping was beginning to tire me out more so I attempted the only attack I could manage on land, splash! As I flopped for my life the small amount of water left on my body began to splash all over the Mightyena, what I considered injuring was merely pissing it off. "Use scratch attack, Mightyena!" The Mightyena walked over to me, and with one paw held me and my only attack down to the warm grass. with a grunt and a slight of its other paw it slashed me right across the face. The last thing I can remember was this small round shadow flying towards me.. My vision faded, and I fainted.


ACT 3: A Rock Hard Defeat


When I awoke countless hours later I was sitting inside some strange and euphoric chamber. There was no water, however I could breathe without a problem and it felt as if my strength was regaining more and more! the chamber I was in was large and was constantly flashing a healing light, a light tune accompanied the light. Suddenly it stopped and I heard voices, it was a soft and soothing voice and a very familiar voice. I barely caught "Thank you, your Pokemon are fighting fit!" and it suddenly felt as if the world was moving. I knew where I was, inside a pokeball and that pokeball belonged to the boy with the Mightyena. A few hours ago I would be dreading the thought but for some reason right now all I could think about was proving myself and helping this kid. I don't quite know what has come over me but seriously, I feel like a new Pokemon (Its hard to explain).

I drifted off to sleep sometime after and was awoke abruptly by the sensation of spinning! "GO MAGIKARP! I CHOOSE YOU!" the young trainer shouted. This was my chance, and i would make sure to prove my worth. I felt a strange warm and almost dismantling feeling as my new home seemed to get smaller and smaller further and further. Suddenly it stopped and there I was lying on the ground again, except this time I could breathe. "GO ONIX!" another voice shouted, this one sounding much older and as if the speaker was squinting. "GRAAAARGH" a booming voice called out, I flopped to see my opponent and was instantly frozen with fear. (I'm not going to bother discribing it, just know it was terrifying) "MAGIKARP USE...! uhmm.. wait, what attacks do you have?" Finally my chance to shine! Quickly I sprung into action and began sweating profusely from my scales, produced enough water and began splashing.

The Onix was either in a lot of pain or incredibly in a lot of pain because it and its trainer kept making a weird choking noise that sounded like laughter. But it couldnt be, was it!? I stopped splashing to listen and only heard one more thing, "oh god hahahaha ONIX baahahahah use hehe USE TACKLE!!" This is my last memory of being outside in the open air, a large rock formation coming straight down upon me...


I was knocked out.


EPILOGUE: Do All Pokemon Go to Heaven?

So that's my tale. No pun intended. From what i assume (from my limited knowledge of Pokemon training and the rules of it all) I believe I have been "boxed." Its dark and lonely here and frankly I haven't seen the light of day in what feels like years. I think I have been forgotten, perhaps both the young lad and myself were killed by the Onix that day. I am not sure, but what I am sure of is..

I am and always have been utterly useless.


....but



  related blogs:
 

Is this post awesome? Vote it up!

0


Comment with Facebook





Click connect and comment instantly!

Comment with Dtoid





New? SIGN UP - it takes 5 seconds

5 comments | showing # 1 to 5

prev next

Monodi's Destructoid Blog
Hahahaha what an awesome article. I actually bothered to train a magikarp I got to Level 20 all the way. It took time but it felt good. It's a huge shame that Gyarados still got a kinda lame defense but that's about it.

Frontpage!
Zodiac Eclipse's Destructoid Blog
They really should have included this in the cartoon. I'd watch that.
Bulkmailer's Destructoid Blog
This is awesome.
trueb7ue's Destructoid Blog
@ zodiac eclipse


it was in the cartoon, didnt you see that episode?
Qalamari's Destructoid Blog
That was great, I was hoping someone would do something like this. It's always nice to read something from a different point of view.


prev next


Comment with Facebook





Click connect and comment instantly!

Comment with Dtoid





New? SIGN UP - it takes 5 seconds

Comments policy

Destructoid is an open discussion community. You don't need to "audition" to post a comment - just speak your mind. We respect differing opinions on the site, so have at it. Be smart, funny, insightful, clueless, or cute -- but back it up with substance. Keep your cool, keep it fun. We only ask that you act respectfully and above all: don't be a troll and ruin it for everyone else. Don't bring down gamers or we'll, you know, gently shoot you in the face and stuff you into a flaming mailbox. Each comment is your opportuntity to make this community awesomer. Is that even a word?

Avoiding the banhammer only requires common sense: spamming, trolling, racism, NSFW stuff, and other forms of sucking will not be tolerated. If anyone is griefing please report abuse. Be good. Don't suck!

 about me

WHO AM I?:

Just your average long winded, princess saving, boss beating, enemy defeating, demon summoning, item finding, pokemon catching, world ending, life ruining, puzzle solving, star creating, lazy assassin savior attorney to the gods.

Wii FC Jpn: 6170.4894.3407.0968

PSN: trueb7ue

Brawl Code: 0774.3677.6818 (Its on my jpnwii so lemme know when you wanna play in advance kkbb?)


Favorite Games:

-Killer7

-No More Heroes

-Phantasy Star Online I, II, & III

-Any Pokemon title

-Katamari Damacy

-Electroplankton

-FF7

-Way of the Samurai

-Mr. Mosquito

-Any Tekken

-Any fighting game really lol.

-Any Ace Attorney title

-Animal Crossing

-Cubivore

-Any sonic title (i love the abuse/hate)


Currently playing:

Wii:

- The Munchables!

- Tatsunoko vs Capcom

- Punch Out!

VC/WiiWare:

- BIT.TRIP.BEAT

- Earthworm Jim

- Takeshi's Challenge

Nintendo DS:

- SMT: Devil Survivor

- Final Fantasy IV

- Taiko No Tatsujin 7 island adventure


GBC:

- Pokemon Crystal

PS3:

- Blazblue

- Fallout 3

- Street Fighter IV


PS2:

- Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner 2: Raidou Kuzunoha XIV vs King Abaddon

- Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

PSP:

- Monster Hunter Freedom UNITE


Xbox 360:

- Mass Effect

- Guilty Gear XX#Reload

- Beautiful Katamari

- Virtual Fighter 5


my DO WANT list:

-TEKKEN 6

-New Super Mario Bros Wii

-Left 4 Dead 2

-Perfect Prosecutor or as it is now referred to as Ace Investigator

-Pikmin 3 -if it ever comes out : (

-FF: Dissidia

-FF XIV

 xbox 360 gamertag
 mii friend code:
6374.9430.9781.8919

 friends' updates
Colette Bennett's Profile Colette Bennett
The Whispered World gets lucky at German Game Dev Awards
Dale North's Profile Dale North
New Shiren the Wanderer trailer looks awesome
Dark Mark's Profile Dark Mark
Expanded Universe? Do Not Want!
DtoidLosAngeles's Profile DtoidLosAngeles
Halloween is coming up, party with DtoidLosAngeles
garison's Profile garison
I've been on Dtoid for a year and 26 days, and I want to make love to all of you
Jonathan Ross's Profile Jonathan Ross
Fanboy Friday: Xcoxucka Edition
Jordan Devore's Profile Jordan Devore
A closer look at two of Lost Planet 2's massive bosses
Nick Chester's Profile Nick Chester
This happened: High Voltage trademarks Immortal Warriors
Niero's Profile Niero
Join Destructoid at the University of Miami's Launchpad
Samit Sarkar's Profile Samit Sarkar
Longoria confirmed for MLB 2K10 cover, you vote on design
ToxinBlackheart's Profile ToxinBlackheart
Cancelled!: Dead Rush


 

 
  get involved

register or login
post a blog
post a forum
enter a contest
contribute a news tip
suggest a feature
be a guest editor
support

new member's guide
login assistance
tech support
report abuse
email our editors
read our dev blog
nuclear crisis?
keep in touch

RSS feed
Twitter
Facebook
Myspace
Flickr
Game nights
Meetup+play online
seriously

about Destructoid
advertising
terms of use
privacy policy
jobs at MM
buy our crap
our network

Tomopop
Japanator
Despingation?




Destructoid is an independently-run publication forged by our love of video games and the gaming community's need of accountable enthusiast press
living the dream since March 16, 2006