Australia may well be on the arse end of the world, but it shouldnt mean that Aussie gamers should have to put up with so much shit. 'What shit?' you may ask. Well, shit indeed, good sir.
Censored Games
What better place to start than the fact that Australians arent responsible enough to play uncensored videogames. Whereas almost every other nation in the world (including the recent addition of New Zealand) has an R18+ rating for games, the bureaucrats over here insist that a similar move would lead to widespread mayhem and destruction. Just such a dangerous and malicious piece of software could fall into the hands of someones little Snowflake and cause them to transform into a drug-dealer, murderer or pre-teen prostitute.
The most recent game that reignited this old debate was Grand Theft Auto IV.



Today on Kotaku, a reader known only as 'Mick' compared the two editions of GTA. This is what he wrote: "Firstly, when picking up a hooker in the Australian version you'll notice that you're unable to select your services (i.e. hand job, blowjob or standard intercourse) and the sex animations for these services have been completely removed. Secondly, in the Australian version no blood pools appear beneath a dead person after shooting or stabbing them to death. Although there are blood splatters, there are no blood pools. Finally, when Niko or other NPCs are injured in the uncut version light blood patches appear on their bodies which basically represent bruises/bullet wounds. Although the changes to the sex scenes come as no surprise one must wonder why Rockstar censored blood pools and body injuries. These elements are present in numerous other games which have been released totally uncut in Australia."

GTA was one of the lucky games, where the developer was willing and rich enough to distribute a "special" edition. Otherwise it simply would not be released. And with region locking on many consoles, that fundamentally means no game for you. They may only be minor changes, but they detract from the greater experience of the game. So censors can fuck right off.

Delayed Release Dates



Nintendo released Super Smash Bros. Brawl on 10 February 2008. Over four months later, residents of Europe and Australasia are still waiting. The senior marketing director of Ninendo Europe, Laurent Fischer, recently blamed the Smash Brothers delay on the sheer amount of titles Nintendo is currently producing for Europe, and the problem with localising up to six different languages, according to the Official Nintendo Magazine.
Pikachu still says 'Pikachu' in fucking German and surely it has nothing to do with titles currently in production, seeing as Brawl is largely done and dusted. Delays in manufacturing and shipping enough titles, perhaps. But not those reasons, please. The Europeans get this pathetic excuse for a five month wait. Australians get none whatsoever. Language and a backlog of titles can hardly be a just reason in our case. And what do we get for our troubles? An on time release date of Mario Kart. Proving that worldwide simultaneous release can be done.

Dodgy Internet



Australian internet is seriously sucky compared to the world standard. OECD data shows a marked disparity in pricing, performance and data allowances between Australia and the rest of the developed world. An article published last year in The Age shows just how big a difference this is.

In Paris, $50 buys a 24 Mb/s connection with unlimited downloads and unlimited VoIP. Japanese customers pay $45 a month for more than 50 Mb/s with unlimited downloads. Telstra Bigpond's $49.95 ADSL plan is a 1.5 Mb/s connection with a mere 400 MB of downloads.... There's a complicated formula behind the price of data transfer in Australia, but it boils down to three things: structural problems in the industry; demand outstripping supply; and technical limitations such as the Pacific bottleneck.

Not only do we get shitty slow internets, we also pay through the ass to get what little we do.

Wallet Rape

The Australian dollar currently equals about 96 US Cents. We pay AUD $99.95 on average for a new game. Americans pay USD $59.95 on average for a new game. We are shortchanged almost $40 for a piece of software. This is utter fucking bullshit. Shipping costs be damned. Or to put it succintly:



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Hard Hitting Journalism



This Guy



Conclusion:

Australia is just about the crummiest developed nation to game in. It appears that the Government really has no plans to change this either, apart from some token broadband promises here and there that are unlikely to come to fruition. You might want to have pity on your Aussie cousins. But perhaps there are some benefits to being on the arse end of the world after all.



Woo.