In a drunken haze I purchased a PS3 and from that fateful Sunday have invested a sinful amount of time in GTAIV. I’m quite sure many other people are maxing out that awesome little addiction stat right now, so I won’t spoil anything. I just watched the credits roll and I from this experience I can say that Rockstar have created something truly sublime. GTAIV is easily the best in the series, mixing up the formula that I felt was stagnating somewhat in San Andreas. A new engine, new innovations and what may just be a new focus all contribute to what is undeniably an excellent game. By far my favorite thing about the game is the scripting. Whilst the story is good, the conversations really blew me away. Questions of morality, criminality, ethics and a cross section of the American Dream feature prominently in a game that has been labeled as evil by certain members of society. I could go on all day. But GTAIV is very, very good, and people have hoes that need killing.

It is, however, not perfect. Seeing as I know better than an entire studio of experienced developers with a multimillion dollar budget, I have found it necessary to write a personal wishlist of crap to appear in the next GTA. And yes, I have seen other lists. But they suck.

Anyways.

MOAR POLISH, MOAR DETAIL
GTA is an audacious game. Or perhaps I should say GTA is many audacious games. It is a driving sim, an RPG, a shooter; all rolled into a sandbox crim sim. GTAIV has come much closer than any other game to nailing all of the above. But trying to simulate reality is no easy task. A bit more detail, like in-car view and more building interiors would be welcome additions. Furthermore, just a little more animation smoothing and model polishing, however difficult, would be nice to see.

MOAR REALISTIC CAR DAMAGE
Being thrown from the car and fatal NPC car crashes have been bought in. Damage looks better than ever before. But vehicles are a bit too tough, and the collisions a bit unrealistic. I want to see engine blocks ripped out and wheels flying off. Passengers decapitated. I demand blood on the bitumen, baby.

MOAR MISSION VARIETY
Missions are kind of repetitive. It’s all drugs, driving and killing, again and again. Normally, I wouldn’t complain, but mixing up the story mode a bit with other less linear aspects of the game may help remedy the grind-feeling you get in the final stages of GTAIVs story mode.

MOAR LESS DUPLICATING CARS
I know that this particular subtitle makes little or no sense, but I picked a theme so I’m going to run with it. The bug where every car that appears is the same as the one you are driving seems to have jumped across to the new engine. If a bug it is at all. Regardless, seeing about a dozen Infernos parked in Broker after picking up the first and only one you have ever seen kind of suspends the reality effect.

MOAR THINGS TO SQUISH
I know it’s not really necessary, but I want to run over children and pets. Am I sick? In a word, very. Fox News would have a field day, but I guess it’s a line Rockstar will have to cross one day.

MOAR PETTY CRIME
Crime is not always glamorous. I like the idea of starting from the bottom. I’d happily do small time muggings, drug peddling, and hold-ups, working my way up to the big time. I wouldn’t even mind prostituting myself.

MOAR RPG ELEMENTS
The decision missions in GTAIV are an extremely welcome addition in my book. The level of character customization in San Andreas was also very cool. I’d like the next GTA to take these really to the next level.

MOAR DIFFICULTY/REALISM
What I mean by this is not necessarily related to the combat system, which I think is actually pretty good. I’d like to see more realism and difficulty for things like committing crimes fundamental to the game. A hotwiring mini-game, similar to what Rockstar did throughout the Warriors, would be ideal. Expensive cars with immobilizers which require electronic disabling, so that the early stages of the game force a player to use older vehicles. Cops, I feel, also need a rejig. I want police who remember you if you don’t change clothes or car. I want to become wanted, a fugitive and an escapee if need be. I want them to be smarter all around.

MOAR FPS
In GTAIV, the FPS gets a little stutter on occasion. That is all.

MOAR PHYSICS
Let’s be honest. The strippers really need more realistic breasts.

MOAR MULTIPLAYER
Multiplayer is an excellent addition and is largely quite fun. It is perhaps a little bit clunky, though. A smoother experience including less annoying wait times would make the future GTA so much better.

MOAR AMMUNATION
What happened to Ammunation? I want my Ammunation.

MOAR GOOD SONGS
The soundtrack to GTAIV isn’t nearly as compelling as any of the previous entries. The talkback is great, don’t get me wrong, but where are the real gems like Bark at the Moon and er… She’s on Fire.

MOAR AREA
More area doesn’t necessarily mean more fun, as many instances in San Andreas proved. Personally, I don’t really mind a denser, more interesting area like the one found in GTAIV. But driving down highways and exploring the countryside represents a pleasant change of pace and promotes a good feeling of freedom. I guess that more area implemented correctly should be involved in the next GTA.

MOAR MELEE FIGHTS
Fist fighting in GTAIV, what little of it I have done, seems pretty good. Different kind of attacks mapped to different buttons means it is deeper than ever before. However, I fought with my fists once during the entire game. Furthermore, the melee weapons suck pretty bad. It is far too difficult to hit a running target or even a target on the ground for that matter. Use it or lose it, make me happy.

MOAR GANGS
What happened to the gangs in GTAIV? Where are the lackeys driving around, protecting their turf? The crime families in the game don’t really seem to have any of the control they did in the previous titles. And I really do miss Yakuza Stingers.

MOAR PERSISTENCE
I want to have more effect on the world. If I want to park a car somewhere, I expect it to stay there. And so on.

MOAR OF THE EXCELLENT DIALOGUE AND SCRIPTING
It’s pretty fucking good. The characters you like and hate, feel sympathy and empathy. Characters are even pretty god damn funny. The satires on the media outlets are hillarious. Please don’t go back to the older titles. I will never cease despising Tommy “Dicks, you’re all dicks!” Vercetti.

MOAR CLAUDE SPEED
What the fuck is with this guy anyway? Whatever, he’s awesome.

MOAR LESS PENISES
I get it. You guys at Rockstar like toilet humour. I mostly laughed, because genitals are pretty amusing. But for Christ’s sake, tone it down a bit.