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PS VITA REVIEW PART TOO!!! - Destructoid






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I am tonicmole, the prince of unicorns. Straight unicorns.....that breath fire and crap rainbows of destruction, like in the bible. They also feast on the souls of fire imps and pee on them....with fire. They constantly sing a wonderous song about the dangers of premarital sex, and how the danger is what makes it fun. I ride them to the top of Mount Airious where I cry to the god of good feelings known as The Southern Dandy to show me the way to the Happy Land. He replies, "All you have to do is believe in the magic of imagination." I then track his voice through the clouds and harpoon him in the face. As the god plummets from the sky he cries out, "Why!?" and I reply, "Because I am god damn tonicmole!" I then pee on him.
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tonicmole
12:35 AM on 03.07.2014

Okay....so it's been a while since I've been on here.  Frankly, I've been doing stuff....awesome stuff, but this isn't entirely a celebration of me.  This is about Sony.  So what has happened since I last dropped the bomb on the PS VITA?  Well.....a lot in fact.  



Last we spoke Nintendo was an unstoppable power house of gaming, Microsoft was the king of college frat boys, and Sony....well, they where in the business of saling Bluray players.  (Secret tip!  If your Bluray player says Playstation 3 on it then you might be surprised to learn that it can also play games.  It's why the remote is so weird.)  

Fast forward to today.....Holy fuckshitter!  What the shit happened!?  What'd I do?!



Nintendo is...frankly collapsing Sega style, Microsoft ironically pulled a Sony, and made everyone hate them right before they launched their new console and Sony....pulled a Microsoft.  Like it or not the Playstation 4 is the dominate console this generation...oh I know, "It's too soon, give the dreamcastU a chance!"  I reply, "No."

The reason all this matters is that to understand the PS Vita of today, you must understand that the environment has changed.  Sony can finally make things happen. The PS Vita was bullshit with the PS 3 and still is, but that's yesteryear baby!  The PS Vita and the PS 4.....it's like a boner that never stops bone'n.  Many of the features announced for the PS 3/Vita are now reality....with the PS 4.  The Vita's game library is much better if you include PSP games.  The Vita has Uncharted, Killzone, Gravity Rush, Assassins Creed, Little Big Planet, Mod Nation racers, Need for Speed, Dragon's Crown....frankly, a good start.  It also can play PSP greats like, Tomb Raider: Legend, Little Big Planet, Sims, Soul Calibur, 3rd Birthday...you get the idea.  As for the PS One classics.....well, the PS Vita is the worse console to ever play PS One games on.  The games just were not made for a small widescreen display....but really.....who still plays PS One games?  Playing PS One games is like weeping in the corner of your parents bedroom while masturbating on their pillows....AKA gross.  Psychically, I predict someone will bring up Final Fantasy 7, and I'll laugh, and laugh!  Keep in mind, that old games only seem good, because you remember them being good.  Not because they are.  I remember Resident Evil 1 being awesome.....it wasn't.  Moving on!



To wrap this up, Sony has pulled their shit together on all possible fronts, and that includes the PS Vita.  If you own a PS 4, then you'd be a stupid piece of shit that should die, if you don't also buy a Vita.  As a solo portable, PS Vita is quickly becoming a very solid platform.  So...what I mean to say is that you should go buy a Vita and stop masturbating so much.



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